Nothing to do in Lincolnshire? Consider clipping your toenails. Or joining Cilla Blackledge in some shoplifting at Castle Hill Market. Or dressing up as Sweeney Todd and asking for a slice of Mrs. Brown at Brown's Pie Shop. Or asking the manager if there are any brown people at the White Hart Hotel. Maybe go busking with Adie Sappage as you bang on each others' bums with drum sticks and pass gas in the underpass at Wigford Way.
That's five. Five more, on?
How about staring at an ugly, sweaty, feverish looking freak who is staring at YOU?? Who does he think he is? Oh. Him.
Why is it that any fat guy with thatchy black hair, a pig nose, pushed in teeth, and a grimacing case of Bell's Palsy thinks he's Elvis? They tell him that at the chip shop?
Isn't it depressing when anybody listing a good time will include BOTH an Elvis impersonator AND a Duran Duran tribute band?
Or tell you to go to the fuckin' movies to see fuckin' Star Wars or obese Rebel Bubble Wilson? How about going to the Ropery and just hanging yourself?
PS, they forgot to mention that you can't do ANY of the Top 10 Things because you'll be spending your time stuck WAITING FOR or SUFFERING ON a dodgy slow bus connecting you to a train to a bus to a train to the place that's supposed to make you forget your troubles.
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