"Guess what, guyyyyssss, I'm releasing a NEW single! Doesn't that make me sound like a hot Irish potato?
"Ooops. I guess you're wondering about why I'm posing like THIS!
"Guyyyyssss, I must confess. My parents are only paying for SO much. Like, my tampons and all those razor blades I use to shave my twat and make nice little shapes in my pubes.
"I know I haven't admitted it before, but in the REAL world, not the GooTube and Farcebook and Twatter world, it's PAY TO PLAY.
"Outfits like Spotify and Amazon and iTunes, that idiots such as SENIORMOLE think are the easy fix for musicians, are actually vanity operations. Like GOOGLE, if you're a nobody, and you want placement so people can find you, you have to PAY!
Like so.
"Yes, all those Mephisto Death Skull Windmill Jiltzy jackasses who thought the mean old record companies were "THE MAN," and who thought Kim Dotcom and Rapidshare were angels, also think that Spotify, iTunes and Amazon give musicians a break. And good royalties. No, NO!
"Imagine, I have to PAY to place my idiot songs. I then have to whine, beg, plead and flirt with every moron on GooTube, Farcebook and Twatter to try and get 'em to buy a song. How many do that? FEW and FAR BETWEEN.
"Let's also remember that I'm paying JUST to get my amateurish crap on these music download services. THEY in turn, take a percentage if anyone actually listens or pays. Spotify? Gosh, I might have to get 1,000 plays before they even send me $1.00. Amazon and iTunes? They take a BIG percentage when somebody pays $1.00 to download a track.
"There are indie musicians much farther along than me, who complain that for a whole month, they only make enough to buy ONE take-out dinner! Yep, they have to keep their day job, and being an iTunes musician, having a "single" on Amazon or being on Spotify is just some vanity bullshit that MIGHT impress a few gullible friends.
"Soooo, guyyyyyyys, I have begun to sell my nude pix on EBAY. It isn't easy, because the porn area of EBAY is for Americans only. I put my knickers on the UK version of eBay, and say "Hey guyyyysss, I will send you a NEW pair, and some LOVELY "day in my life" photos of myself you are SURE to love!" And then I hope my auction isn't removed. So far, I've had several removed and I've been threatened with suspension. And what's worse, Darren and Bill, my old bandmates, expect me to send them pix of my shaved twat for freeeeeeeee!
"Oh, and that Amy Waggle Stiff lunatic, Amy Wagstaff Wetone, SHE wants to come over and make me squat on a piece of paper so she can get samples of my vaginal fluids to look at under a microscope and draw! What a crazy fat bitch! She wanted me to do it freeeeee! I told her she had to pay me, and guess what, she's going on GOFUNDME and asking people to donate so she can get my twat juice samples! I bet she'll make a hundred, and I only charge a fiver. Ewww, she'll make 95 on the deal.
I'm so mad I could shit! Where's that extra adult diaper Bill left behind?"
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