Oh, No, The Yolk's On US

Being on Yoko's Tweety-Feed recalls a remark once made about Poe: "Two fifths of him genius, three fifths sheer fudge."

For every cute little poem, or philosophic reminder, or oddball photo of a new "sculpture," or just an uplifting reminder that a woman who saw her husband murdered is STILL alive and optimistic...there's utter FUdge.

Christ, woman, WHY are you re-tweeting some kind of horrible Photoshop job or actual picture-disc on ugly old John Malcontent?

I don't think there's a more overrated actor on the planet. The stupidest thing in the world is "Being John Malkovich." By the time people decided Jack "Grimacing Teeth Receding Hairline" Nicholson was cool, he'd already made a dozen actually cool movies. John? ANY?

Now he's an old fart sitting on a stump with his man boobs hanging?

Way before anyone was saying anything nice about her, I was actually BUYING Yoko's fucking records. Playing them on the air, even. Contrary to popular belief, she wasn't just screaming her Yellow Zonker off. (Back then, an American popcorn-snack company was selling "Screaming Yellow Zonkers," which had nothing to do with her but naturally became a Yoko insult).

Considering that women half her age have dried out to the point of putting out cover albums (Jann) and cover albums and albums of old songs done over again via acoustic solo (Eleanor) and abandoning folk-rock for utterly shitty and pretentious 20's jazz with hipster overtones (Anne), one can forgive Yoko the endless re-mixes.

One can't argue with success, that at 70, or 80, or whatever, she became the oldest woman to have a #1 on the fag-propelled disco charts. But FFS, getting twits to add noisy sound effects and BEATS to a perfectly good bit of starkness like "Mrs. Lennon?" FUCK and OFF.

I can't even keep track of all these dickheads. Pete Yorn? Peter Bjorn? Bjork waving a dildo? Whatever. Whoever. Is it any trick to take a good song and throw shit on it? No.

Sometimes it MIGHT be art (like Andy Warhol taking an already good Marilyn Monroe photo and silk screening it). Mostly it's just ANNNNNNNN-OYYYYYYYYY-INNNNNNNG.

Go to soundcloud and check it out. The "beats" and NOIZE ruin what was a dark, stark little tune...one that even Yoko's very untrained vocals couldn't ruin.

PS, somebody on Soundcloud had the hilarious nerve to grumble that it didn't BELONG on the "alternative" area of Soundcloud, because it's just 60's Beatles shit. Har har! How far have we come, that evil Yoko is now considered in the same breath as Macca or "Octopus's Garden?" How bizarre when a track spattered with 21st Century cacaphony and featuring untrained vocals is considered MOR cream cheese!

Lastly, and leastly, the ever-prolific Yolk is always frying up self-propelled MEMES and tossing 'em out like breakfast muffins at the local fast food joint.

Oh, YOKO! Sorry, lady, but you ain't ORIGINAL or YOURSELF when you're wearing Marlene Dietrich's top hat and tights!

How is this Yoko Ono being herself??

PS, it helps when being yourself also means being Mrs. John Lennon.

Let's remember that while Yoko wasn't a complete unknown before she married him, she was UNKNOWN. She was UNKNOWN except to a few thousand trendies in the avant garde art world. She was known enough to have an art exhibit, but back then, hundreds were doing "pay to play" in hole-in-the-wall galleries, or breaking even by simply giving a gallery something to show.

Be yourself?!?!?!?! Well, yeah, she IS still Mrs. Lennon, and she has just allowed somebody or other to re-mix "Mrs. Lennon"...