"It's your fabulous round-eyed round-headed double-dopey Dublin dim-bulb bint SHAUNA. I have tried sooooooooo hard to be the next Taylor Swift. I've batted my eyes, sung my little mouse-fart vocals on soooooo many GoooooTube videos, and kept on waving my hand and asking you guyyyyys to like me.
"What's it gotten me? A few dozen GoooooTube views? A few idiots saying "Cute" and "Sexy" in the comments section? I've gotten NO offers of record deals! Is that fair? Well, No More Little Nice Girl! Since my career is dead, I'm going GOTH!
"Sooooo, guyyyyys, wouldn't you pay a FIVERR to hear ME sing "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath? How about I lip sync and dance to "Witchy Woman?" Do you think I can dance, or do you imagine me limping around like I accidentally put in one of Mom's super-size tampons?
"Irish girls are sooooooo depressed! It's natural for me to go GOTH. The gear is wonderful. My black rubber knickers keep my twat warm and moist all day, which makes it easy for me to do a little shaving any time anywhere. Well, hee hee, not anywhere. I go into the ladies room with my plastic disposable razor and wheeeee! Usually after I weeeeee!
"Yes, it's Shauna of the Dead. Shauna the GOOD WITCH of Ireland. You figure out a good name, guyyyysss, and leave a nice comment for me about my new direction. I know, it's still ONE direction...to obscurity, pregnancy and obesity (not to mention alcoholism that will make me look twice my age). Still, you can't say I'm not trying.
"How about I record Whiter Shade of Pale with pitch correction and a little technical help in hitting the high notes? For another FIVERRRR I'll lip sync it to video. For ANOTHER FIVERRRR I'll twat sync it. How about that? A big high def close-up of my twat. It IS a whiter shade of pale, most days of the month! Byyyyyye guyyyyyys!
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