COME BACK, SHANE! ("Sane" being out of the question)

LOL (as we say in Netville, and Nutville) to a fellow blogger's dissection of useless "fan" obsession.

I'm sure that somewhere, there's a Farcebook "appreciation society" for child actor and gay-icon Brandon De Wilde...

The real cry is "Come back Sane." Get control of your sanity. Stop getting bent by idiotic trivia and nostalgia. But that would imply that living in the 21st Century has its rewards, and it hasn't. Today's TV and movies and music suck. No wonder people are crawling back in time. But to WHAT? To D-listers? To doing nothing but posting trivia about some idiot who was in a few Hammer horror films, or some near-nobody who happens to be the only surviving cast member of a 60's sitcom??

It reminds me of the noted anti-Semite Peter Gabriel, and his song "Digging in the Dirt." He was talking about therapy, trying to figure out where he "got hurt." (Probably it was the Jew who gave him a haircut with a bald-notch going up his forehead.) So, I wonder what quirk causes people to become fixated on a particular character actor, obscure supporting player on a TV series, or some horrible pop singer who hasn't had a hit in 40 years.

The depths to which people sink is amazing. Talking about "Shane" reminds me of "Shame."

"Shame" was a pretty weak and forgettable "villain" used in two episodes of the old "Batman" TV series. After all, it couldn't be Joker and Riddler every time. Cliff Robertson played "Shame." When he was deathly ill (as in, close to death), members of the various "Batman" clubs/asylums began to fret: "Do you think he'll sign a photo if I mail it to him now?"

Others huffed and puffed, "I didn't get a reply with a SASE three months ago," while others said, "He autographed my photo." It seemed ol' Mr. Robertson, or his wife or secretary, picked out the sincere fans and ignored the assholes. The assholes were the ones who collected "Batman" memorabilia, and needed "Shame" for their fucking COLLECTION. Nevermind the man won an Oscar. Nevermind all the more important things he did. He was on "Batman," so let's pester him to his dying day!

Farcebook is famous for this. There are "groups" for just about everyone and everything. "Collectors" can share tips, and the most obscure performers can be the subject of inane inspection. The "good" thing is that D-listers who can't maintain a website at least have the skills to update a Farcebook page, and tell the locals when they're going to be performing. Like Jackson Browne's brother:

OK, you feel sorry for some of these people. And if you have time on your hands, fine, you can keep up with 'em. In the old days it was easy to buy the newspaper and see who was playing in town...or see a poster with a list of coming attractions. Now, there's Farcebook. It can serve a purpose, no matter how pathetic.

But most of the time, it does nothing but allow a pathetic idiot to pester other pathetic idiots with "Here's my latest blog entry" and "Here's a link to my podcast," and "why don't you buy my self-made piece of shit mp3 download from eMusic" and "come see me at this shitty showcase where there's a two drink minimum..."

As with forums, there are a few relentless "look at ME" jackasses who overpost constantly and don't seem to care that NOBODY wants to read their garbage.

On Farcebook, there are maniacs who go to a dozen or more "groups" to post the SAME thing...as if this is the ultimate way to get publicity and "keep that name out there," a name nobody wants to remember.

A lot of these delusional dimwits and asswipes compound their offensiveness by being ultra-aggressive and mindlessly self-absorbed and pervertedly extroverted. They even devise amazingly STUPID fake-names for themselves that you're supposed to find OH SO WITTY...

Yeah, we get it. But do you, Mr. Travesty? Not really.

You don't get that nobody finds your hokey name witty or funny.

You don't get that posting YouTube links is b-o-o-o-o-ring.

You don't get that you almost NEVER get a "nice" comment.

And nobody wants to visit your brainless wordpress "blog" to read your incredibly obnoxious self-praise about yourself.

This clod uploads old movies JUST to put in a plug for his blog....and to get Farcebook "followers" who are supposed to care when he crawls on stage in some small pay-to-play club that takes an hour to reach by bus and subway. People are supposed to be so impressed to know a "real celebrity" they'll follow his hot-links and buy a copy of some awful Pro-Tools mess of an "album" available off eMusic or Amazon, or a stupid self-published piece of shit ebook that no reputable newspaper ever reviewed.

But that's the joy of not being SANE...you spend your time on self-promotion, thinking that by the sheer amount of posts, you can brainwash people into thinking that instead of a Z-lister, you're really the writer, director, actor, singer, whatever, that you're self-written BLOG tells people you are.

It used to be that the peculiar world of forums attracted these parasites and leeches and grotesque fame-whores. They'd over-post, put in links about their latest blog entry, upload stolen music to be popular...and now it's all right out in the open via Farcebook.

So it goes...down the drain...in this ridiculous Internet farce of a world, where anybody can be on Farcebook and then pester the world with further links to a blog or a podcast or a YouTube account....and this is supposed to be show business!

What's the phrase? "A legend in his own mind." That's the one. I don't know which is more ridiculous, the self-serving idiot who uploads digitized stolen 45's and thinks the world cares about his opinions or what his dog Muffin ate for breakfast, or the self-absorbed moron who uploads his OWN bad music, or his tedious podcasts or his opinionated nonsense and actually thinks it makes him a star.

The last thing I'd do is go get a Farcebook page and flog it every day with links to a fucking blog, podcast or website...or to go infect other peoples' Farcebook pages by plugging and linking to my self-promotions...or to run endless photos of myself as if I'm a celebrity...or run endless photos of some D-lister that I worship. No, I post angry finger-pointing missives about idiots who DO these annoying things!

I'm not knocking Farcebook if the point is to just be your fucking self. Go ahead. Use Farcebook as a method for staying in touch with people you don't want to e-mail...or to have a presence on the great World Wide Web so that maybe some old schoolmate can get in touch with you again...or to get a PM saying, "Are you the same SHANE who was an asshole at my school...you seem uglier in all the recent pix you've posted of yourself...are you the same SHANE who is so dull that you have to pose with your pet dog to make your photo more interesting...are you the same SHANE who is actually female or a SHANE who was once male and is NOW female...are you the SHANE who went INSANE...