Some of PINK FLOYD announces NEW ALBUM

Yes, you know it's getting close to Christmas when aging rock stars start to re-package their stuff into box sets, and others "go into the vaults" and magically produce new material that was "lost." Or rather, thought too mediocre to include the first time.

Rolling Stone loves to promote these fabulous finds, and show off the cover art...

For those who still have a pulse, the question is, "Who the fuck is PINK FLOYD? Some gay rights group?"

No, children, Pink Floyd began in the late 60's, when there was such a thing as "progressive rock," which quickly degenerated into "pretentious garbage."

The idea was for your grandparents to play some inane, droning nonsense while tripping. One of the favorites was a certain multi-platinum item called "Dark Side of the Moon," which nobody could possibly listen to sober. It's that boring. This album was followed by bickering, backstabbing, arguments, and ultimately quarrels over who could use the name. At this point, "Pink Floyd" usually means Roger Waters leadingor a re-enactment of Krystallnacht.

Kiddies, this news about new old "Pink Floyd" stuff is for your grandparents...or rather, any grandparents who still have enough money to waste on rock music. When you tell them "Endless Drivel" will be available next month, they will jump up and down for approximately 8 seconds, then clutch their hearts and keel over. If they survive, they will hand you a credit card and beg, "Please get me ENDLESS DRIVEL by Pink Floyd, and then set up my hospital room so I can hear it. And tell the nurse to increase the morphine drip."

Promise grandpa or grandma that you'll be happy and honored to own their Pink Floyd records, CDs, cassettes and/or 8 tracks. But don't feel guilty about chucking that junk in the trash after the funeral.