The tick...tick..TICKET BOMB

Ooh. Who wouldn't want to see a band that hasn't had a hit in 40 years. Has only one original member. Has all the stage presence of senile elks nibbling on drooping plant stalks.

Tick...tick...time is running out...what, the nose bleed seats are 40 pounds?? Tick...

Be confused as you find the right Internet link...get out your credit card and risk that you're going to find a dozen charges added to it from restaurants in Iraq or Turkey because of hackers.

Tick...tick...

Oh, and that 40 pounds? That's just the start...tick...tick...there are disclaimers to read, boxes to tick and agree to, and more charges being added every step of the way...tick...tick...

and BOOM.

In the end, the fucking final total is WAY more than the face value on the ticket!

Oh, the processing fee...oh, the tax...oh...SHIT.

All this extortion, all this padding...all to see a moribund band and be sitting with a bunch of utter assholes who are going to be talking through the entire show, screaming in your ear, going "WOO HOO" constantly, and climbing over your shoulder with a camcorder for a better bootleg for YouTube?

FUCK IT. FUCK THAT SHIT. THAT SHIT IS NOT WORTH FUCKING.

Going to a concert when the band was actually not suffering from dementia...that was hardly even fun. There were plenty of jerks, the sound was deafening, getting there was NOT half the fun, and staggering home was more prone to make you feel nauseous rather than wearily fulfilled. NOW?

Too bad, old band. You're too fucked up to write new material, you'd barely break even if you put out a new album (er, download-only mp3 file). You aren't able to play too many venues because nobody wants to come out to a show and be screwed by all the "extras" involved in buying a ticket.

No wonder most rock bands don't even play at all, or play one or two gigs a year. The music industry sucks and it's better to just quit and go out to pasture. And frankly, it's cheaper and more pleasant to have a day in the country and go out to a pasture and look at a few cows than to pay over-priced ticket fees to see idiots playing rock on stage.

Keep...tick...tick...tick...all the extra fees you add every time I click along till I get to the payment. I ain't paying a fortune to see a bunch of senile elks go through the motions in front of an audience of braying jackasses and "woo-hoo" shrieking owls.