DEREK JETER - Give that man $222,222.22 on top of his $12 million!

Oh, how touching it was. Derek Jeter (shortstop for the N.Y. Yankees these past 20 years) was given a check for $222,22.22.

See, he's got #2 on his uniform. So he calls his charity the "Turn 2" Foundation. And so the Yankees gave him the catchy $222,222.22 on behalf of themselves and the great unwashed "fans" for his years of fine service.

Most every dirty smelly guy in the stands, over 60, got nothing but "thanks, goodbye" when they were let go. A gold watch? Not if they had a government job.

PS, it's not such a big deal for a baseball star to have a favorite charity. Most every star does. It's almost an obligation. It's also a good tax deduction. So Jeter's a real "hero" because he "gives back" to charity....by tolerating a few assholes at a dinner once in a while, or taking five minutes to read a promotional message.

Jeter's "TURN 2 FOUNDATION" has various sub-branches: Turn 2 Us Healthy Lifestyles, Turn 2 After School, Turn 2 Baseball Clinics, Turn 2 Smart Moves, etc. How your brat qualifies, and what the brat gets (money, time, instruction) I have no idea.

My slight gripe, is why a man being paid $12 MILLION by his team, gets gifted with an extra QUARTER OF A MILLION (tax deductible though it is) for his charity? Because he won't show up unless he does? Unless he gets a free vacation, a free car, and some of the other little morsels that stars are bribed with?

You probably know that a "goody bag" is included for every star who shows up at an Emmy, Tony or Oscar show. It's the only way to guarantee they show up! Getting an award ain't enough! They have to be coddled with $50,000 or more in gifts that they can keep or magnanimously give to their friends or kids or maids or mistresses.

The guy got a free 10 Day vacation in Tuscany? He can't afford it on $12 million a year? Not to mention the $9 million he makes in endorsements??

So it was with a bit of cynicism that I learned about "Derek Jeter Day" at Yankee Stadium. Yeah, he's one of the greatest baseball players. BUT...so what. He's unknown around the world, just like Beckham. Because being a star on a team sport doesn't translate around the world.

To attend the game, you had to pay the fucking OUTRAGEOUS price for a ticket. To sit so far up that he looks more like a cigarette than a person, you'd be paying $75 to $150. And that's if you were lucky and got your ticket early. Last few weeks on eBay or Stub Hub? Forget it!

Now, I don't believe in slavery. Years ago, baseball players, like actors and actresses, were "contract players," at the mercy of their owners. It's changed. Jimmy Cagney stopped having to make shitty films for Warners if he didn't want to. And Curt Flood (the baseball player who challenged the rules) wanted to be able to negotiate the best deal for himself.

But the down side is that these people make a fortune...so the bosses carve it out of OUR hides...making us pay huge ticket prices to see our favorite stars.

Basically Derek Jeter was never a huge star for being a home run hitter like Babe Ruth. He was just a steady guy who got a lot of hits, won some games with a clutch double or something...and while it's very well known that he's randier than Bill Clinton ever was, and fucks a zillion groupies ("Baseball Annies" is what they're called), he's considered "Classy" because he hasn't flaunted it. He's not Bieber. He doesn't swear in public. He doesn't pose with his floozies. While he does give them souvenir autographed baseballs for sleeping with him...he's not really tacky. He'll autograph items for impressionable brats for free, which is good public relations. He's got a black father and white mother...and it's never been any kind of issue. So he's navigated some tricky territory.

Jeter's a good guy, by baseball standards, and a cool guy by any star standards. And I don't begrudge him having a "Derek Jeter Day," but I think it's a little ridiculous, as with the Awards shows...to HEAP honors on somebody who already is hugely famous and making a royal paycheck. He needs to feel "appreciated?" His paycheck tells him so. The fans screaming at him tells him so. He really doesn't need his team to buy him gifts. It's really US buying the gifts because WE pay his salary by going to the game and by watching games on TV (that in turn puts ad dollars into the bank). If he wasn't doing the job he would've been traded. Or he would've retired.

Giving him $222,222.22 for his charity was...nice. We paid it. Giving him a 10 Day Vacation in Tuscany? WE paid it, not the Yankees. All the Yankees did was take some of the money WE gave them, and tossed it at Jeter, in exchange for big publicity. And because they somehow negotiated so that he didn't demand 15 Million to play this year instead of 12.

And yet the fans cheered wildly. The press wrote voluminously. Broadcasters couldn't stop grinning about Derek "watta guy" Jeter. That's a kind of disgusting fact about fame and amusement and entertainment...we PAY and PAY and PAY so much and are so glad to do it. We pay stars for the autographs at "Comic-Con" when most of them (William Shatner, Patrick Stewart, etc.) are millionaires who don't need the $100 to sign a photo. We PAY and PAY. We pay huge prices to see Macca or Elton perform, and don't think for a moment, "Why didn't they hold a raffle and charge $50 per ticket instead of letting scalpers get the best seats and make us pay huge sums for crappy seats..."

$222,222.22. Just to thank a guy making $12 million? Too much, man.