Yusuf Yourself: Cat Stevens Meows on Farcebook - Cancels NYC

You've got to be tolerant of Yusuf (aka Cat Stevens). This is hard to do with a guy who has written mewling, self-indulgent twaddle.

His genre, the "singer/songwriter," is loaded with guitar assholes who attempt to impress the opposite sex with painfully sensitive self-advertisements. But even in this category, Stevens was/is a cold sore, with incredibly irritating nonsense. If you bother to actually read the lyrics to "Wild World" or "Sad Lisa," you see that this is a mayonnaise and cheese sandwich. On white bread. The words are actually dumb and even insulting (to the listener and to the subject of Cat's meowing).

Mostly, his work has been beyond idiocy, from his overbaked "Peace Train" to his sappy "Moonshadow" to idiotic songs about dogs. But...didn't I say you've got to be tolerant? WHY? WHY not continue to cheerfully insult the jerk and his musical treacle?

Because he's a fucking Muslim, for one thing. In a world gone mad, with maniac Muslim groups beheading innocent people just to rave about their religion, this guy is a voice (tremulous at best) of peace. Of some kind. While he DID endorse a fatwa against Salmon Rushdie because he wouldn't go against the edicts of his beloved Ayatollah Crazy-Fuck, he seems to have said, now and then, that killing people isn't such a good idea.

Another reason to be tolerant is that stupid people need creepy performers like him. Like Jimmy Buffett. Like Neil Diamond. That's just the way it is. Secretaries and plumbers who read romance novels and suspense paperbacks need to sob to somebody's shitty music, and many choose his. Why be elitist or pseudo-intellectual because they'd rather have Cat than Dylan or Leonard Cohen or some other critics choice? And was "First Cut is the Deepest" that bad?

And lastly, you've got to be tolerant because the jerk is nice to his fans, and not everybody is. Granted, he'd better be, because he's such a fucking has-been.

But to some, he's a "still sensitive" teacher-poet-guru. Christ (oh, sorry, MOHAMED) a LOT of people remember that God-awful "Morning Has Broken," or "Where Do the Children Play?" and have great nostalgia for him. They don't care about his hitless newer work but they feel blessed that he not only HAS a fucking Farcebook page, but apparently reads some of the shit on it. Or has a secretary who convincingly imitates his style.

Yusuf the Cat (or his secretary) went on Farcebook to tell everyone that he wasn't going to play NYC...because of NYC's ticket policies!

Since he IS a Muslim, and ISN'T that famous anymore, he couldn't hold a press conference and blame warthog Bill DeBlasio, the city's blockheaded shit-brained corrupt hack of a mayor. DeBlasio hasn't done anything except give his black wife a job and make his annoying black children superstars whose every move ends up on the local news. He's failed on education. Crime is up. Even his promise to rid Central Park of overworked carriage horses didn't go anywhere. And he legalized ferrets. Watta guy.

Yu suffer, NYC. Serve yourself...by driving to Philly or Boston if you really care about Cat's litter.

My question is why Yusuf the Cat is so insular he doesn't know other pests like James Taylor, and the aforementioned Buffett and Diamond, and other jerks, and have them all organize and call for an end to ticket scalping. Why not, in an election year, tell Governor Cuomo that New York should reform the way tickets are sold?

Hilarious, that Yusuf the Cat's sappy fans have huffed, whinged and moaned about saving up a week's pay to see him...saved up to buy a train ticket, a night in a hotel, anything...just to see him mewl in his alternately simpering voice and that irritating baby-with-colic cranky shout.

So...what's up with tickets where Yusuf the Cat is confirmed to play?

Stubhub has scalpers charging $938 for Chicago and $3,000 for Boston!

EBAY, pimp central, home of fencing stolen merchandise as well as nuzzling scalpers, has 2 tickets for Los Angeles at $7,000 (or "best offer") and $1,399 for Boston ("or best offer" etc. etc.)

Ticketmaster isn't selling tickets yet to several shows, but you can bet that when they do, Yusuf the Cat's ardent fans won't be able to compete with scalpers and hackers who just seem to ALWAYS clear out the first ten rows of the orchestra and balcony.

We all know that this game will NEVER CHANGE.

But fans are so gullible. They say: "Nice of this guy to care SO much." All he, or Neil Young, Dylan or anyone else, has to do is mutter to whatever Rolling Stone magazine suck-up is lucky enough to get the rare interview, "Aw, it's unfair about the ticket prices."

That's enough. Don't DO anything, just CARE SO MUCH to acknowledge "aw, ticket prices, they're high."

Just like the artist.

Then they strum their fucking guitars and sing about Biko or something. And the fans slurp this diarrhea. Right, let's all be concerned about Hurricane Carter or a ghetto neighborhood in New Jersey because when you get down to it, we ARE a bunch of rich white fuckheads, we DID pony up whatever the scalper wanted, and we ARE center stage for OUR IDOL. Woo hooooooo!

Let's be honest, Dylan the Jew hasn't canceled a show in NYC. Nobody has except Yusuf the Muslim. Maybe he just didn't want to play NYC after all. But at least he's said something, and it's gotten into the media.

The FAIR way, but the time-consuming way, is to FUCK online ticket sales and Internet sales, and have people send in their check for TWO tickets only, in a sealed envelope. Put that shit in a big drum, and pull out the envelopes one by one. A fucking intern can do it. A few FANS can do it (with camcorders watching them). It wouldn't cost the artist a penny. Lucky fans might get front row or back row, but it would be honest. The luck of the draw. If some of them choose to re-sell because this stupid world now approves of scalping and it's legal...fine. Ebay and Stubhub are powerful forces with no morals. But at least the average jerk can't complain that they didn't get a fair deal from the start.

Is the way Ticketmaster sells tickets REALLY so fantastic in Boston or Chicago, Mr. Cat? You think your fans are really going to get the GOOD seats that way? Not likely, but you gotta be tolerant here...because for some reason or other, he's mumbled some complaint, and taken a stand against ONE city's ticket policies (as if they're that different from any other city's policies).

Oh...New York City critics might not be so kind to a hack wimp they hated 40 years ago and haven't welcomed any time he's played here? Nah...let's not go there. He set up the NYC in good faith, and fer Allah's sake, no faith is as GOOD a faith as the MUSLIM faith.