Unlike the other types of summer pests, motorpsycho jerks on their penis substitutes, don't merely make noise while grinding their clit-sized dicks and labia-esque scrotums against the seat. They KILL people. What city council, what politician, what intelligent being, thinks it's a good idea that assholes race at high speed down the road? Highway? OK. But a street that has houses, and kids wandering around, and old people trying to cross?
How about THIS, you fucking dimwits...
You know Canada? It's the pile of slush just above America. Most all of its citizens secretly pray to Christ to get a chance to live in America. Which is what Bieber has done...buying that big mansion in California because Canada is a boring, shitty place to live.
It's spelled "JUNO," but really, when the ludicrous idea of rewarding Canadian "talent" was first floated in the ice floes of Canada, they meant "Jew, NO" award. As in "No Jews will ever win one of these" and "No Jews should live here." (They managed to get rid of David Steinberg and Paul Shaffer.)
Also "Jew? No," not Bieber, who laughed at the memory of Anne Frank and trivialized her death, burbling "She would've been a Belieber."
I'm happy to report (second hand...originally in Rolling Stone) that even the frost-bitten Canadians got hot under the collar when that tattooed twat was given an award...
Canada, you have a LOT to apologize for. Two words: JUSTIN BIEBER.
Here's the DAILY NEWS:
The Daily News adds:
Farrow, 28 — the opinionated, blue-eyed son of actress Mia Farrow and either Woody Allen or Frank Sinatra (even Farrow’s not sure which) — has been a disaster for MSNBC. The channel took the frequent cable-show guest and handed him his own program, “Ronan Farrow Daily,” which premiered in late February. The theory was that Farrow, a Rhodes scholar who graduated college when he was 15...would bring his 245,000 Twitter followers with him to television." A source is quoted as saying: “But that hasn’t happened....Just because someone is a boy genius-turned-Twitter star doesn’t mean they deserve their own TV show.”
Last Wednesday, Farrow drew an average of about 312,000 total viewers, which might be stellar for Twitter but “is rather measly for someone who is supposed to be a major national personality,” another source said."
GOOD! Can you believe this idiot day and age, when some jerk "Tweets" and gets a national cable show?? This fuckheaded prettyboy did nothing but smirk a few faggy and sour "jokes" about Woody Allen...that means he can handle being a talk show host and news anchor? This fairy prince indeed averages a "measly" number of viewers, and considering how a real professional such as Piers Morgan was given the boot for numbers only a few hundred thousand more...THIS drippy asshole should be FIRED, never to be heard from again.
It's one thing to be "Mia Farrow and Woody Allen's son," as he was known for so many years (Ronan never seemed to complain about this...until Mama Mia decided he should be launched as a TV personality, ala gayboy Anderson Cooper, son of Gloria Vanderbilt). But Ronan apparently wasn't content with just going to parties (on Mama Mia's arm) and having some fucking do-nothing government job that his mommy got him. Mr. Brilliant suddenly became "son of Sinatra," and rode the "let's all hate Woody The Jew" game...to the point where some morons said, "Why yes, he CAN be another Anderson Cooper, because he's a pretty boy. Doesn't matter if he has any personality at all. Why, he TWEETED a few times and that was SO CLEVER."
As disgusted as I am with the ex-Satchel Farrow, I will be doubly amused if he gets booted back into obscurity as a failed TV personality in the worthless world of cable TV.
In Mass o' Two Shits, a perv was caught taking "upskirt" pictures. Invasion of privacy? Loitering with intent? Disturbing a piece? Nah. None of that.
It turned out that Mass o' Two Shits didn't have any law about peeping picture takers, and besides, what was this guy seeing? A woman's panties (knickers)? So what.
Different folks only start their strokes when they get to see the "forbidden." Meaning, seeing pros or amateurs happily (or foolishly) posing in all kinds of positions and outfits ain't enough. The peep is the thrill. Even voyeurism websites don't do it...these guys have to take the pix themselves and then run back home to wank away...that's their amusement. And who knows how jaded these guys are...that they trawl a bus stop or train platform, wander around doing their "uppy" game...and then grimace as they check the results...too dark to see anything...knickers the wrong color...then finally, pay dirt...Pubes, Glorious Pubes!
It would seem obvious to anyone in any of the 50 states of arousal, that taking pix of people walking around in public is ok, as long as you're not going to use the image for profit (such as a corn flakes ad showing some unassuming idiot chomping away in a diner). But upskirts? Or stalking people's windows in the middle of the night and pushing a camera up between a crack in the venetian blinds? There oughta be a law...in whatever idiot part of the country that currently doesn't have one. What next, people pushing a cell camera or a camera-encrusted shoe under the toilet stall? That's taking the piss...
There's no question Piers is a prig. No question he's done some obnoxious things and didn't always take the moral high road when he was an editor working in the seamy world of British tabloids. Still, Morgan was an amusing provocateur in a disgusting business, and for a while on "America's Got Talent," he was fun to watch. He was Simon Cowell with some actual wit. He was the "mean" judge, but gradually, probably in response to the boos and the hate mail, Morgan pretended to like some pretty shitty singers and novelty acts, getting as soppy as the other idiots (Hasselhoff and Sharon) in cheerleading for losers and praising people who were never going to be the next Susan Boyle.
I actually read three of his "diary" best-sellers, and even if I didn't know all the players (the first two were, after all, printed in England and concerned mostly with British celebrities and politicians) I found much of it a lot of fun. I got a vicarious thrill out of the very idea that SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD, a mere WRITER could make money and influence people and BE A STAR.
Piers left the air in a very special, very classy way. Someone else would've offered a cheery "Bye, I'll be back someday, someway" salute. Someone else would've done a middle-finger and offered up a "best of" showing all the great moments, wicked remarks, zany jokes and provocative comments that could've continued if anyone had been paying attention. But after devoting his show to the now-dreary topic of the Malaysian plane that nobody could find because Google doesn't map obscure parts of the ocean...he spent his last CNN minutes discussing GUN CONTROL.
I leave you with what Pier Morgan left in his CNN farewell:
"I assumed that after 70 people were shot in a movie theater, and then, just a few months later, 20 first-graders were murdered with an assault rifle in an elementary school, the absurd gun laws in this country would change. But nothing has happened.
The gun lobby in America, led by the NRA, has bullied this nation's politicians into cowardly, supine silence. Even when 20 young children are blown away in their classrooms.This is a shameful situation that has made me very angry. So angry, in fact, that some people have criticized me for being too loud, opinionated, even rude when I have debated the issue of guns. But I make no apologies for that."
As Sir Winston Churchill said: 'If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time – a tremendous whack.'
My point is simple: more guns doesn't mean less crime as the NRA repeatedly says. It means more gun violence, death and profits for the gun manufacturers. And to those who claim my gun control campaigning has been "anti-American", the reverse is true. I am so pro-American that I want more of you to stay alive.But I've made my point. I've given it a tremendous whack. Now it's down to you. It's your country; these are your gun laws. And the senseless slaughter will only end when enough Americans stand together and cry: Enough!
Goodnight, thank you, and God bless America. Oh, and while I'm at it, God bless Great Britain too.
Rolling Stone, scraping the bottom of the bare assholes, is promoting a raccoon-eyed retard named Taylor Momsen.
First off, haven't we had enough of idiot Yuppie-scum spawn named TAYLOR or TYLER?
Momsen? Her Mom Sent this miserable bitch into the entertainment world to steal a bit from all the other "look, I'm naked, I put on my make-up like a 5 year-old" twats.
Ooh, ooh, Taylor Momsen is NAKED on the cover of her shitty album. Wow.
Sing it, Mr. Dury..."IS THAT SO SURPRISING NOWADAYS?"
What she's really saying is that she's a braindead bitch with no creativity, so she steals from everybody. Her music stinks. PS, Clit-Brain, John and Yoko posed full frontal. So why aren't you showing us if you're another shaved slut, or a bush broad?
Nevermind. Hope I never have to see your face again, raccoon eyes.
How long before the line between "rock starlet" and "porn starlet" is erased completely? What else can you Tits and Ass dimwits do to amuse us, except strip and act like fools?
Taylor Momsen you don't know shit about Lennon or Yoko, or music, or creativity.
Lennon once wrote, "We make her paint her face and dance." But in your case, that's ALL you can do, ALL you aspire to, and as long as a spotlight is on you, and somebody is either figuratively or literally shoving dollar bills into your slot, that's fine with you.
See, the missing autistic brat we know as AVONTAYYYYYYYYYYYYY, the one who ran away from school and ended up in the river...it was the government's fault.
Nevermind that the city's classrooms are overcrowded, that most people can't get a hospital bed, that there's no way "human resources" can provide free services such as constant monitoring of every halfwit and basket case. $25 million. Cough it up. Or, settle for, oh, $10 million. With $3 million of it going to some ambulance chasing piece of shit lawyer.
"I told them he was a runner." So that means that in a daycare center, an over-taxed school employee making a shit salary and being stressed out by an overwhelming amount of monkey-like monsters...is supposed to chase after Avontayhyyyyyy any time he decides to flail down a hallway. Leave all the other kids to fend for themselves, and not worry that any of them may have a need too, or might run away or do themselves damage.
And security guards? They're not allowed to blink their eyes. If they see some retard slipping in his own drool...don't help him get up, because if you do, you might miss Avontayyyyyyy suddenly scooting out the door.
This is the welfare mentality: I pop these defectives out of my twat, and you pay me for that, and you set up places for me to drop off these hopeless, useless wastes of space, and if anything happens, it's YOUR fault, not MINE. And so the taxpayers will give Mama enough money to last the rest of her useless life. The government has to cut services that could help useful people get jobs, become self-supporting and become educated...so that some useless piece of crap can sit around supervised all day in a daycare center?
Let's fucking get real...human life is NOT precious. There are billions on this fucking planet. A few less idiots is GOOD, not bad. And yet backward religious fanatic assholes are still trying to ban abortion and even birth control. How come some fucking Reverend didn't get to foster the great Avontayyyyyyy? How come these anti-abortion assholes aren't lining up at the center where Avontayyyyyy was, asking to adopt him, or some other ugly cretin? How come these shits who scream about abortion never seem to adopt some black bastard...much less a defective one? No, the government should spend a fortune on this shit...pay mama so she can have her welfare and food stamps, pay to take care of her spawn...and pay millions if it isn't all done to her satisfaction.
As far as Welfare Mamas are concerned, fuck the middle class, fuck everybody, fuck the government...give me free medical treatment, free food, free rent, and if my kid is autistic or has some other problem...I want, DEMAND, special treatment. One on one. Pay somebody to do nothing but spend all day long wiping Avantayyyyy's ass, putting Chapstik on his giant lips, and risk bruises and scratches in trying to restrain him when he feels like running out the door.
Sometimes I think China has the right idea. One fucking kid to a customer. And if that kid causes a lot of trouble..."Kid? What kid? Never heard of that kid. Kid not here..."
Avontayyyyyyyy's mama is getting it all her way, now. The city had to take care of her kid. Now the city has to pay up. Now she no longer has the burden, even for a few hours in the evening, of dealing with a mute, idiotic "thing" that runs around like a headless chicken. Instead she'll get herself a 60 inch color TV, pay $100 or whatever a month for cable TV, and sit on her ass eating potato chips all day. And maybe fucking any number of guys who may or may not give her latest bunch of brats their last names. But hey, that's not HER responsibility...it's the government's responsibility. Hoorayyyyyyyyyyy.
This isn't the Buddy Hackett era, where the fat boy could put a rubber band around his eyes to make them go squinty, and tell Chinese restaurant jokes.
And we live in such a humorless time that anything a comedian does instantly gets a kneejerk scream of protest. Especially if it's from a humorless comedian like Colbert.
If you don't know who Stephen Colbert is, you're lucky. He's a boring WASP asshole who appeals to boring WASP assholes who listen to National Public Radio most of the day, and only turn on Comedy Central when either he, or his lemon-faced pal Jon Stewart are on. They are both garbage, but Liberal garbage. Not Liberal in the Lenny Bruce or George Carlin way, which was earthy and funny. Nah, funny in that dopey WASP way (yeah, even though Jon Stewart is Jewish) where they either roll their eyes like there's no testosterone in their bodies, or they glaze over and glare into the camera, while telling arch, unfunny jokes that get a laugh because the punchline is usually Rush Limbaugh.
Back to the chinks.
These little yellow buggers used to be so polite (except in Chinatown, where old housewives would just bowl you over to get to their shop to buy their rice and snakeskin remedies). That stopped when Sarah Silverman did some stupid joke or other. Some chinaman began to follow her all over the country, get in her face with his smug and insinuating grimaces, and declare that he would never stop harassing her because jokes about ASIANS are OFF LIMITS. Nothing funny about it. Ever. You Jewess Bitch.
They all know karate, you know.
So Silverman, not exactly brilliant when she has to ad-lib, fell apart, began cursing in frustration, and couldn't defend herself against one humorless chinky-poo. Amazing. Oh, let's call her a Kike, fair's fair. These are un-PC times aren't they? Are they? Who knows. One minute chinky-fun is hilarious ("The Hangover") next minute it's not ok.
Back to our story. Colbert was making some kind of satiric point about Native Americans. Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder still won't change his team's name, but he vowed to establish a charity for Native Americans. So Colbert parodied that by imagining that it would be OK to be a pinhead and use stupid ethnic remarks about any group...as long as some money went to charity.
Colbert, in his thin-lipped pasty-faced WASP way, was making fun of how we all have to worry about being politically correct. And what better place to do it, as his show, Stewart's show, and Bill Maher's come to think of it, are all havens for white people to NOT be politically correct...and NOT have to be under the pressure every day of licking black ass, Latino ass, yellow ass, red ass, and every other ass of every ethnic group in the world.
Was this such a terrible joke? Yes, if you expect to laugh. But no, if you just read the fucking thing, maybe.
There was an episode of M*A*S*H not THAT long ago, featuring Pat Morita (who used to do stand-up comedy billed as "The Hip Nip.") In the episode, his character aggravates the always testy Major Burns. Burns, cries out in ninny-frustration, "Pish posh!" And the reply is: "Pish Posh? That's my mother's family!"
Which was a pretty funny joke. In case the world isn't aware, Asians have stupid names. Almost as stupid as Avontayyyyy and Trayyyyyvon. Or Apple, or North, to name a pair of girls who were badly named by their stupid celebrity parents.
You might also remember David Bowie sticking his fingers into the sides of his face to imitate the chinky face of his "China Girl."
Just WHERE is the line between making fun of our differences and insulting people with differences? America IS the country that still has a football team called "The Redskins" and still has "The Cleveland Indians" who have a grimacing, giant-nosed bright-red-faced Native American for a mascot.
Leave it to a few chinkies to get hinky about a line that was actually intended to point up insensitivity! Fuckee you bunchee. Too bad so few of you have a sense of humor. Pat Morita, by the way, is now dead. There IS an opening for a funny Asian. I mean, a funny complete Asian, not John Woo. And no, Margaret Cho does NOT qualify.
Lastly, and quite ironically, sour-faced Stephen Colbert, of the perpetually raised eyebrow (this is supposed to signify he's being funny, so let's all laugh), has denied sending the offensive "Tweet." It turns out Comedy Central owns his "Colbert Report" Twitter account, and some intern or somebody is paid, or not paid, to Tweet for him. If he has anything to say, he Tweets from his own personal account. So the joke line was taken a bit out of context...and then suddenly a bunch of assholes who don't care about Ukraine, or Syria, or abuses in North Korea, are screaming that "CANCEL COLBERT!"
That's pretty ridiculous, isn't it? Both the response, and the fact that Colbert's too busy to oversee what his fucking staff Tweets for him! I don't think Yoko Ono has that problem. I think she hands her secretary a list of shit to Tweet during the week, and it's done. Yoko doesn't just say, "Tweet some shit for me, you know my style. Just say some fucking shit about how we're all water, and the next day, we're all part of the sky, or what the fuck..."
One of our most precious commodities is our comedians. And what do we do? Punch them in the cunt, kick 'em in the balls. We say, "More, more, get edgier, get edgier, be outrageous..." followed by "You went too far."
I guess next, nobody will be allowed to make fun of Kim Jung-Un. Nobody will be allowed to order "Yellow Rice" even in an Indian restaurant. The word "slant" will be banned from the dictionary. Think I'm kidding? I'm funny, but I'm NOT kidding! A few years ago, an ESPN reporter got fucked over. In reporting on the oddball Asian basketball player who was temporarily famous for being one of the few Asians in the world over six feet tall...the reporter used the term "chink in their armor." He wasn't referring to the player, but reporting on a team that wasn't going to win because they had a flaw that one oversized Asian couldn't correct. What happened? "Fire him! Never let him report again!" Which is as ridiculous as writing an article about some black guy, and having an uproar because somewhere you use the word "enigma."
PS, Colbert's Tweets got a lot of LIKES and RETWEETS. Come on, Charlie Chan and Mr. Moto, get on the case and find out everyone who LIKED and RETWEETED that joke. And never let them utter the phrase, "little rice dick." That phrase, need I mention it, was the punchline of an Eddie Murphy routine on Asians.
Well, Nig got hisself into some trouble (again). He told the world how romantic he is with Mariah. First time..."I fucked the shit out of her."
You think Mariah wanted the world to know she took it up the ass and lay turds after his turdy dick was in there?
Nig also told the world that he fucked Kim Kardashian. Oooh, what a conquest.
Is there a Nig anywhere in the world who HASN'T fucked KARDASHIAN?
So the big news of the day (slow news day) is that Nig gave his partially white, partially fish, partially chocolate milk wifey some BLING to make up for his dirty mouth.
In his effort to become a Lennon song ("Cannon is the Nigger of the World") our boy doesn't just restrict himself to hilariously impersonating white people. After all, that shit was done by the Wayans Brothers ten years ago, and a hack comic like Cannon can't be expected to come up with anything but refried beans.
To add to his canon, this goofus has to show the world he's a stud. He's fucked a Kardashian! And let's remember, he's got a prize catch in Mariah Carey, a stupid bitch who was married to an old old white guy!
Oh well. Do some more Whitey jokes now, do some more "Smallnut" bits, and tell the world "I'm White" ha ha ha ha, while wearing a ginger wig. IT'S ALL GOOD!
Sure, it must be awfully tiresome to be known mostly as MR. MARIAH CAREY, father of two stupidly named children Monroe and Moroccan. It must be sad to also be known, barely, as the host of Howard Stern's "America's Got Talent," where Cannon does almost nothing except bug out his eyes and grimace into the camera when an amateur (worse than himself) does something stupid.
I wish him all the best...getting to fuck Bruce Jenner? Maybe do it while wearing whiteface and making fun of honky ofay Vanilla bastards. You tell us how that was, Nig, we're all dying to know.
Somehow, this didn't make the evening news.
I did not see any of the anchorwomen on my local news channels flash their cleavage.
In a country that supports Subway Underpants Day, or whatever the fuck it's called, where the TV news actually shows morons walking around subway platforms in generally dull looking briefs (and many more geeky men than women doing it), what, WHAT has prevented full coverage (so to speak) of National Cleavage Day?
Actually, most of us do NOT need reminding...because EVERY day is National Cleavage Day. It's a woman's secret weapon in wielding power. As in, "Look but DO NOT TOUCH." PS, if you look, you get a glowering stare from the Titter, reminding you, that you, the TITTEE, have SOME NERVE. Eyes up front, fella. My face is "not down there."
Blood of Christ (aka Sapristi) it can be an infuriating moment when some "made you look" bitch has you trying to glance...QUICKLY...at her cleavage....and then she gives you the skunk eye. Whatver you do, she's won the made-ya-look game.
I hate fake DAYS that you're supposed to celebrate...most are stupid. And the ones you'd LIKE to celebrate, you rarely can!
Might as well call it "National Tittie-Fuck Day." Or, "Titty-Fuck Day." Or BOOB BANG DAY.
This is what turns amusement into disgust. It's a scam. No fake "holiday" will ever do you any good and most..Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day...will make you throw up.
Do you like boobs alot? Tit-fucking? You bet. You can consider yourself very lucky, despite all kinds of hell, if you've got a missus with big titsus, who also enjoys having a hot hunk of pipe centered between them while they're squeezed together...a hot dog between two giant MUFFINS...
And I'm DISGUSTED with anyone who doesn't find this AMUSING.
Cleavage. OH CLEAVAGE. BIG BOOBIES! Or, as Alexander Portnoy anguished, or rather, author Philip Roth, what about "those two great untouchable loads"???
Look...don't TOUCH, SQUEEZE, SUCK, COME ON...
Have I digressed? Oh. OHHHH, a PHOTO. Yes, yes...wait a minute...her...
First, yes, great cleavage, you could drop a golf ball down there, or better yet, several gurgling loads, or to use the technical and medical term, "Man Goo."
Second, after staring at her tits...her face. Sobering, isn't it? What's she got to be so mopey about? Oh, right, that you wouldn't have looked twice at her if she didn't have CLEAVAGE.
And third? Say, what IS all that writing all over her tits? Tattoo of some kind?
Sadly, fun-spoiling bints are very prone to putting tattoos on their tits. Usually these involve embarrassingly no long appropriate names of past sex partners (fortunately for some old bints, their tits are droopy enough to list half a football team full of names). Also popular...grotesque "bad girl" shit...skulls, devils, flames, or a Yorkie Bar (which signals that her boobs are for MEN ONLY).
Quaint hippie chicks will have the stereotypical butterfly (or two). Or some bizarre Chinese word or an Egyptian heiroglyph, which makes you ask two questions: "What does it mean" and "Have you been fucking some dirty urine-skinned monkey?"
Also popular...some ridiculous phrase from Gibran, or McKuen, or some slogan off a pack of crisps.
THIS girl has a quotation from James Joyce. Because she's intellectual? Hell no. Because I put it there, and I'M intellectual. This bint couldn't ad-lib a fart after a Tesco bean dinner.
Since YOU have an inquiring mind, you are wondering what the quote is. Well, the other day, come to think of it (and my memory isn't THAT bad that I can't), I was in a bookstore discussing James Joyce with a pseudo-intellectual bookstore volunteer. I mentioned that I remembered in college, a particularly depressing quote from James Joyce about our place in the universe, and what "eternity" means.
So, on the theme of gather ye cleavage while ye may (especially if you can put your dick between the tits and fuck, fuck, fuck and forget about mortality), here's the quote, which wasn't originally in a poetic zig-zag, but it would have to be if you plan to tattoo it onto some chick's tits:
“What must it be, then, to bear the manifold tortures of hell forever? Forever! For all eternity! Not for a year or an age but forever. Try to imagine the awful meaning of this. You have often seen the sand on the seashore. How fine are its tiny grains! And how many of those tiny grains go to make up the small handful which a child grasps in its play. Now imagine a mountain of that sand, a million miles high, reaching from the earth to the farthest heavens, and a million miles broad, extending to remotest space, and a million miles in thickness, and imagine such an enormous mass of countless particles of sand multiplied as often as there are leaves in the forest, drops of water in the mighty ocean, feathers on birds, scales on fish, hairs on animals, atoms in the vast expanse of air. And imagine that at the end of every million years a little bird came to that mountain and carried away in its beak a tiny grain of that sand. How many millions upon millions of centuries would pass before that bird had carried away even a square foot of that mountain, how many eons upon eons of ages before it had carried away all. Yet at the end of that immense stretch time not even one instant of eternity could be said to have ended. At the end of all those billions and trillions of years eternity would have scarcely begun. And if that mountain rose again after it had been carried all away again grain by grain, and if it so rose and sank as many times as there are stars in the sky, atoms in the air, drops of water in the sea, leaves on the trees, feathers upon birds, scales upon fish, hairs upon animals – at the end of all those innumerable risings and sinkings of that immeasurably vast mountain not even one single instant of eternity could be said to have ended; even then, at the end of such a period, after that eon of time, there mere thought of which makes our very brain reel dizzily, eternity would have scarcely begun.” ― James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
AIDY BRYANT is the "ho ho ho, FAT LADY" on "Saturday Night Live." She's supposed to be hilarious because she's a walking blob. Indeed, in almost every sketch she's in, the big joke is that she's a BIG FAT LOSER.
I don't think that's so funny. She's usually in a stupid repetitive (this IS "Saturday Night Live") recurring bit in which she's a teen twat co-hosting some kind of public access cable show. Her prettier host never lets her talk much, and keeps changing the subject every time the blob speaks. Ha ha. Stop already, you're killing...every punchline.
Christ, look at this cow:
If the lines she had didn't directly have her bragging about her weight, they had her brashly talking like trailer trash. Bryant needs to cut it out with the annoying "ugly fat girl acting ghetto" bit. You know, swiveling the head from side to side, showing attitude, and mouthing every possible rap cliche on the planet. Christ. Yes, there are some fat white trash bitches who do think they can out-cool the Negress who has stolen their Redneck hubby for the night (and more importantly, his huge bottle of Colt 45). But come on. ENOUGH. Bobby Moynihan managed to lift himself out of the slob pit, and do something besides playing "the fat one" in sketches. Kenan Thompson managed it, too. I hope Bryant gets to do that. Or she gets lost.
Joan Rivers is not only a "force of nature," as they say, she's still funny and current. The only thing I don't like about her is her too-big faggot following, which I suppose goes with being a somewhat gross stereotype of a glamorous woman and being so concerned with "dishing" about "fashion."
But Lena FatFuck Dunham? She isn't remotely talented or funny. (FatFuck Melissa McCarthy is.)
As she usually does when she sits down with the Jewish Ostrich Howard Stern, Rivers spoke her mind, and pointed out that Lena Dunham makes it seem that being a FatFuck is Fine. And it isn't. I'll go her one better, and add that FatFuck Adele is another cow who has encouraged women to gorge so much that you can't tell which folds are the labia and which are just hanging layers of flab.
Love to JOAN RIVERS, who is making her first appearance on "The Tonight Show" since cold-fish Carson exiled her 25 years ago. Mr. Chin Leno kept up the ban. A little "thank you note" to Jimmy Fallon for breaking the curse.
Take a look at the picture. Mia Derouen should have been cuddling her stuffed animal and the fucking dangerous dog should've been...OUTSIDE. Or nowhere at all. In a kennel waiting to be exterminated, as all pit bulls should be.
But this is a sick, dog-loving world, a world of stupid rednecks, retarded lamebrains, and selfish jerks who only want a vicious dog around to protect their trailer and keep raccoons from getting into the trash.
What is amusing and entertaining about a pit bull? Why have one near a child, when the animal is bred to be psychotic, and kids are notorious for being silly and prone to sudden movements? The kid could go to hug the fucking dog and it could bite her face off. Which is probably what happened here.
ALL dog owners should not only be required to have a dog license, they should be required to take, and pass, a 15 hour course on how to take care of a pet. A pet is not entertainment. A pet is, first and foremost, a wild animal. Even a domestic cat, dog or even a fucking bird...is an ANIMAL capable of scratching, biting and...if it's big enough and bred for the purpose...killing.
What did the asshole Papa Derouen do after his kid was mauled? Go on Facebook! The fucking Redneck Moron went on FACEBOOK. To do what? Get LIKES? Get people to say "Condolences to you" and "Hope God pulls her through?" What an idiot. What a fool. What part did he play in allowing this pit bull near his daughter?
Mia Derouen is dead. It should've been the pit bull. That 4 year-old was probably very entertaining...a lot of fun around the house...full of joy...saying funny things. She was loved. She was amusing. Her last hours on Earth were spent in horrific pain. Because of a fucking dog.
Humans are supposed to only be crazy if they get rabies from a dog bite, but I think they're fucking crazy the minute they buy a god DAMNED pit bull. Having a pit bull is like having a loaded gun lying around. People have a sickening idea of what's "fun" and "entertaining." A pit bull is neither. It's a killing machine. It's like a loaded gun. Oh...but let's remember that redneck morons in Louisiana also think it's great to own guns. Guns and dogs. The price for this "entertainment" is a few less innocent children in the world.
This is some kind of royal couple? Really? I don't think I've ever seen any of the shitty chick flicks this Paltrow bitch has made. She's not that attractive, and aside from having some decent ideas on nutrition, she seems to be just another spoiled silly bit of Yuppie spawn, the kind overly concerned with having the bedspread match the sheets, and setting the dinner table with three different types of forks.
Chris Martin? For fart's sake (I don't give a fuck on this to make it for fuck's sake). He's the nauseating singer for a limp and pussified band...he's so lame he has to put the microphone above him and sing upward, like some kind of baby bird waiting to get his regurgitated pap. Which, come to think of it, is another good definition of his music: puke.
Equally nuts, Paltrow and Martin named their kid Apple. What can I say, except I'm glad it wasn't named Google!
This wasn't a "power" couple. I can't imagine their differences were due to the Beethoven-like genius of Mr. Martin, up all night pacing the floor because he couldn't figure out whether his song needed a B flat or a C sharp for a chord change. Nor was it due to the precious Gwyneth up all night pondering the upcoming morning's scene where her character has to sip a latte and then put the cup down. ("What's my motivation...why did I sip the latte in the first place...")
Eleven years is a long time for most relationships, and it's nice these two crackpots are not engaged in any kind of bitter battle (as will happen, any day now, with Kim Kunt Trashian and her sullen zoo keeper). Let's wish them well: fuck off. Your films suck, your music stinks, and if you just disappear for the next six months, it'll be good for you both, and a relief to me!
YOU read it RIGHT.
How about a bullet through your fucking head? What if somebody decided you were useless? That you've bred enough? That you have shit for brains? And they took out a gun and blew your head off?
How the fuck DARE you participate in and condone the killing of TWO HEALTHY LIONS and their TWO CUBS?
Because you're a shit-for-brains Danish load of cheese. Your fucking country is a disgrace. Scandinavia is a disgrace.
You remember the fucking Copenhagen Zoo. Wonderful Wonderful Copenhagen Zoo?
They shot a giraffe in the head, ripped it apart in public, and threw the pieces to the lions.
How's that for entertainment?
Now they decided to go back...and shoot the lions!
Then what? Maybe they gave some of the pieces to shit-head STEFFEN STRAEDE? Lion burgers, STEFFEN, you obnoxious Danish cocksucker bastard?
You know what the Wonderful Wonderful Copenhagen zoo could've done? Given the lions to another zoo.
Nah, too expensive. Just shoot them.
Maybe the Zoo will do that to STEFFEN STRAEDE, the shit-brain. "Hey, we don't need Steffen anymore. Get a gun..."
I can think of a few Swedish meatballs and "pirates" who should be shot. Some fuckheads in Holland that are on the "government teat" and doing no good. How about that, Scandanavia? If you assholes aren't doing anything productive, shouldn't you be shot through the head?
There was a news item today in America...the Greatest Country in the World...about a problem with salmon. See, there's a drought in California. Rivers and lakes are at a quarter of their capacity. It means that salmon not only have a bumpy ride going upstream, but might not make it at all. What did the Great State of California do? Shoot the salmon? Organize a big fish fry? No, fuckhead Steffen Straede, they did NOT.
They engineered huge pipes, diverted the fish into giant tankers, and DROVE THE FISH 250 MILES UP THE COAST to set them free!
Nobody said, "Oh, let's kill 'em...they don't matter..." No, that's what DENMARK does. That's what COPENHAGEN is about. That's what gutless brainless STEFFEN STRAEDE is about.
If the denizens of Denmark don't boycott the Copenhagen Zoo, or beat the shit out of Steffen Straede, it only proves what I've written: That SCANDINAVIA is a collection of useless space-wastes. The last person of any worth born in Denmark was Victor Borge, and HE LEFT THE COUNTRY. He moved to AMERICA where there is much more compassion for not only people, but animals as well.
FUCK YOU SCANDINAVIA, with your useless wooden shoes, your mediocre jams and jellies, your arrogant and obnoxious and simian men who do nothing but shoot animals and steal copyrighted music on the Internet. You smell...that's why you live in a cold climate, because otherwise your own stench would overpower you.
"Steffen Straede" is Danish for "Stultifying Stench."
If you don't know who Jim Kelly is, don't worry...the name didn't ring a bell with me, either. I don't give much of a damn about football, football players...or coaches. Coaches, managers...they usually get more credit than they deserve. There's a limit to how much yelling or inspirational shouting can do. You can have Angelo Dundee in your corner, you can have Vince Lombardi at the sideline, you can have Joe Torre in the dugout...and you can STILL LOSE.
Anyway, here's this Jim Kelly guy. Sorry, I don't know who he is, and I don't remember his fucking team winning a Super Bowl. Sorry he's sick.
But fer Chrissake, what's his daughter trying to do here? Isn't it a bit of an invasion of privacy to show a picture of the guy looking like he's at death's door? The man is miserable. He's had teeth and part of his jaw removed. He's got an "aggressive" cancer that's come back. Who the fuck knows if he'll be another Roger Ebert and suffer torturous surgeries, then a week, a month, a year later...die anyway.
What if some paparrazo took the photo and printed it? Questionable, huh? But it's ok because the daughter had somebody take the photo and post it.
EXCEPT...what happens if her father drops dead? How is the family pastor or priest or whoever, going to handle that at the funeral? "Oh, his daughter showed a photo of him, urged everyone to send their prayers and good wishes to cheer him up...and he died anyway. Well, God moves in mysterious ways."
I'm not sure if Jim Kelly really is capable of reading hundreds of idiot "wishing you well" cards. How about a Facebook account where people can LIKE him? Is it possible that reading the cards, or having them read to him, could send those cancer cells scurrying into his colon so they can be shitted into a bed pan? Anything is possible, but it seems to me this daughter is tempting fate. Why doesn't she just go into a church with a bullhorn and shout, "Hey God, my Dad's sick, do something about it, or I'll tell the world you don't exist!"
In this world of creepy celebrity fascination and intrusion and invasion of privacy...this photo strikes me as a bit offensive.
I hope this Kelly guy gets well, but I wouldn't go to Casino-DeathList Dot Com to put down a bet. I also think that the news media in general should back off on this shit, so that it stops influencing people like Kelly's daughter from "going public" this way. As if Kelly and his daughter normally invite strangers into their homes, and have clear glass doors on the bathroom and bedrooms? What next here? He takes a turn for the worse and we get more photos? Tweets about "Pray harder?"
God exists? And he's on the Internet checking out photos of sick people in hospitals? God exists...but he makes somebody sick with cancer JUST to see how many cards and letters the patient gets before stepping in? Some weird logic in the world...
He shot a doggie. Aw, aw, awwwww. Poor doggie. We love doggies, don't we?
I don't. I especially don't like pit bulls. They are bred to be aggressive. They can chomp your fucking leg off in one bite. There's no reason to have one except because you're a fucking psycho. You have a pit bull because you want protection in case somebody tries to steal the dozen six-packs of beer you stowed in your garage.
You have a pit bull if you have a little dick and a pair of pea-size balls, and you want people to be afraid of you because you've got a killing machine on a leash. You can't walk around with a loaded rifle, can you? So you have your pit bull on a leash to prove you're a man.
Officer Brice Woolley got a call about a dangerous pit bull.
If it wasn't dangerous, the officer would've said, in essence, "Go fuck yourself, call animal control." But this was a pit bull. Pit bulls are known to kill kiddies, everyone. You now that, don't you? The "family pet" suddenly eats the baby. Got that, you stupid doggie-lovers who can't just own a fucking Lassie instead of a killing machine?
This took place in backward, redneck, piss-hole Oklahoma. Look, Okie dokeys, you can't have it both ways. You love your guns, you love your cops, you don't think animals suffer if it's a deer, a duck, or just the recreational blasting of a stray cat. So if one of your cops blasts away at a beloved fucking pit bull...well, too fucking bad.
According to police Captain Eric Hamblin, "I don't think it's wise for the police department to wait for a dog acting aggressively to actually bite somebody." The police report stated, :It was determined that the dog had to be euthanized for the safety of the nearby park and neighborhood as the dog's owner could not be located, nor could it be captured."
Yeah, "the dog's owner could not be located." That's a responsible dog owner, as usual. Let doggie run all over the place, shit and bark, and maybe bite some baby's head off. But aw, aw, aw, it's a beloved family pet!
Family pet? Where was the family? Nowhere to be seen, so the officer had to take action. He's gonna wait till the fuckin' dog attacks him and cripples him for life? The dog's name was Cali. Another spelling of Kali? That's the Goddess of Murder and Destruction!
Here's to Officer Brice Woolley, and if he happened to joke about killing a pit bull...that's fine with me. That's like a Navy Seal joking about how many bullets he and his pals drove into Bin Laden's carcass. Aw aw awww, Bin Laden was a "human being," and should've been captured alive. Right?
PS, Koreans eat dogs. Instead of all the fucking Mexicans who can't even speak English, instead of all the crazies from Haiti and the rest of the hot head morons, let's restrict immigration to Koreans. That'll keep the dog population down. Big dog...that can feed a family of little Koreans for a week.
Here comes Insane Bolt, famous for not much...running for about 10 seconds...who isn't so much a "Jamaica Jerk Off" as a "Jamaica Fuck Up."
What would really be a good show...Insane Bolt daggering Viley Virus while she's twerking...while some angry Muslim adds "grenading."
Crazy world, huh?
Last night America's three late night hosts had special guests. Jimmy and Jimmy chose to have silly, tedious celebutards as guests. Jimmy Fallon had the boring crypto-Nazi Arnold Schwarzenegger promoting his newest shit movie. (Yes, after being governor of Cal-ee-fornia, this man with no class goes back to action films). Cue the usual yocks with Fallon imitating Arnold's accent, and Arnold being hilarious with his girly-man put-downs: he knows how to smoke a cigar, and Fallon doesn't. The ridiculously hair-dyed Governator didn't quite understand why the audience was laughing at Arnold's mention of "sucking" and the way he was miming how he sticks a cigar in his mouth.
Jimmy Kimmel? The guy with the hippo-sized smirk had skanky nuisance Jennifer Connolly on his show, and so the "conversation" was just a one-sided prattle as Jennifer rended the air with self-important twaddle. Actresses rarely have anything to say beyond burbling about what brand of shoes they wear, what restaurant they ate in, or the world catastrophe of wind ruining their hair.
And David Letterman? He had ex-President Jimmy Carter on. And what was Carter talking about? A new book he wrote that shines a light on the problems of women in the world, specifically, according to Carter, how 90% or more of the women in Egypt undergo genital mutilation.
How about that. While Insane Bolt is "daggering" and Viley Virus is "twerking," and while Arnold is blabbering and Connolly is twattering, Letterman and Carter were discussing the ENORMOUS GULF IN CULTURE between the way the West sees women and culture, and the way the Middle East does. Carter, trying not to even use the word "clitoris," mentioned that the "part that gives pleasure" is removed, the area is sewed up barely allowing "urination and menstruation," and the stitching doesn't come out till the woman's wedding night. That's Egypt.
Egypt. Palestine. Syria. Iran. Iraq. These are the countries that we're supposed to favor over nasty-nasty Israel. Countries full of backward barbaric bullshit. Countries that would behead Insane Bolt and Viley Virus in a minute.
Hmmm...come to think of it, the Muslims aren't ALL bad are they? Do you suppose World War III might start if Muslims put on Vendetta masks and blew Insane Bolt, Viley Virus, Bieber, Katy Perry and a few others into discards from a butcher shop? "Allah hates these disgusting decadent disgraces!" Not only Allah, my Camel-fucking kak-eating psycho semitic friends...
But I digress....
So here, in 2014, Cannon thinks it's hilarious to satirize the nerdy world of skater-boy morons. Really?
Oh, and calling the white character "Smallnut," has nothing to do with a black guy perpetuating the stereotype of the big-dick Negro. Nah.
The main thing you see from the photo is that Nick Cannon doesn't look very white. Not with THAT GORILLA NOSE.
Cannon's been Tweeting about how it's ok to do whiteface because Robert Downey Jr. was in blackface for some movie or other. Somehow, I doubt that the quality and the reason for Downey's make-up matches up with what Cannon's up to. There was also, wasn't there, the case of some starlet or other doing blackface around Halloween, and blacks getting uppity about how she is NOT ALLOWED to play a black character even as a Halloween costume. Or whatever it was. People are Tweeting against Nick and mentioning this...I'm just too fucking bored to go back and remember the chick's name
The bottom line is WHAT IS YOUR POINT? And the point, as far as I can see, is that Cannon wants to laugh at a specific type of white kid, one who would probably not find it funny. One who would probably be extra-beaten up by his black schoolmates because Nick covertly suggested it. That puts a "malicious intent" on it, and that's reverse-racism. Sho' nuff.
But listen, if Cannon thinks it's ok to cackle about racial differences, that's ok with me. I find his face funny. I find it funny that he's attracted to Mariah Carey, who looks fairly white to me. Just because he's essentially an Eddie Murphy wanna-be with little personality of his own, and his face-making on "America's Got Talent" smells of Buckwheat (the "Otay" bulging-eyed black boy in "Little Rascals" shorts of the 30's) is also ok with me.
Congrats, Nick. This is probably the first time in your life that anyone's paid any attention to you. You host a "talent" show where the emphasis is mostly on the "talent." Your marriage is all about you being Mr. Mariah Carey, and how you try not to get upset when people (including contestants on your show) ask how Mariah is. So now you're doing a pretty ugly and awful parody of a skater boy. Anyone betting on Nick having a "hit" with this?
There's a big difference between being a whore who is out of uniform when off duty (like a cop, fireman or circus clown) and a full-time cunt.
Around campus, when she was just acting like a normal, ugly co-ed, she shouldn't have been whore-assed by some stupid frat boys. Now? Now she's acting like a full-time whore, it seems, and loving every minute of her slimy celebrity.
Proof of this, is Twitter...yet another of those "copy wrong" mega-sites where anything goes. Powerful Twitter, like Tumblr, like Blogspot, doesn't see any reason to prevent children from looking at porn. Hey kids, just tick the magic box, and you'll see hairy boxes, shaved boxes, and lots more. No proof of age needed. And, no, there's no automatic photo of Cameron to be a "Net Nanny" over the naughty bits.
Here's the latest Tweets from Bird-brain Belle:
It's ALL good when your ego is making your head balloon and swell...while your brain remains the size of an onion. Call it "rationalization." Call it a sense of "entitlement." Or just call it the ravings of an attention-seeking twat.
A really delusional one. The following picture recalls Hedy Lamarr's famous line, which I'm paraphrasing: "It's easy to strike a sexy pose. All you have to do is open your mouth and look stupid."
Justin's not wearing his oversized Ass Hat sideways, as usual.
And he's got a cigarette in his pussy-lipped mouth? Oooh, tough stuff, Mr. Icon.
Justin, I hope you really take this James Dean business seriously...and suck a few dicks, and then drive a Porsche 550 into a fucking tree and die.
They will be singing to an audience of Alzheimers victims, fatties, diabetics, toothless fools, and addled assholes who are now feeling the effects of all the drugs they took 30 years ago.
The Blind Performing For the Blind...and the way they all look, being blind seems a pretty good idea.
What's the attraction...ego-driven love-starved has-beens getting applause just for showing up? An audience of sexually malfunctioning old-timers momentarily feeling young because the idiots on stage look worse than they do?
I swear to you, I don't want to be part of an audience where I see a lot of balding, gruesome, wrinkled and clueless doddering dipshits wearing frayed, stained and sweaty band t-shirts and pants either falling down or bursting around paunchy bellies. And some of the women look just as bad.
One bit of horrifying news is the reappearance of the elusive Kate Bush (whom I trust does have one, because it's physically impossible for her to reach over her belly to shave it). Kate, you'll recall, made a bizarre, elfin, strange, metaphysical, pretentious and charming debut album that took some getting used to. I mean, put on that record, and dogs for a mile around began to howl. Her voice wasn't quite so high or eccentric on her rather romantic second release. But by the time or her third and fourth, she was getting a bit Yoko...and hearing her screech "Cat in your Lap" or "Pussy Between My thighs" or whatever it was...was not a whole lotta fun.
She was getting fans so suicidal that she had to duet with Peter Gabriel on "Don't Give Up (We still have talent, and one day we'll both have another hit)."
It turned out that neither Kate nor Peter Gabriel were capable of making melodic and/or challenging music anymore. Gabriel has remained touring, his head resembling an alien's backside, singing medleys of his old hits. Kate? She put out a forgettable 2CD set, a comeback that should've explained that she was past the point of no return, musically.
Now, she's announced a set of performances for late August and early September.
I hope this doesn't turn out to be a fiasco. Most any normal person would've simply showed up by surprise in a few small clubs, sung a number or two, split, and had people wanting more. Or had people saying, "Thank God it was only a few songs."
But what pressure this formerly cute babe is putting herself under! I can only hope that it's leading her to spend the warm Spring months getting in as best shape as possible...
Because there's a lot of stupid shit out there in the entertainment world...
...and at this point, with "everything should be free," I can't either beat 'em or join 'em. I'm not a part of some effete clique-cartel like Salon.com where...who knows...only a few teenage computer whizzes or rich fags make money and everyone else is an unpaid intern.
I'm not fond of idiot Internet dot.coms that use hate to get attention and make money. That means Perez Fuckface Hilton, TMZ run by ugly Fagin-esque weasel Harvey Levin, or the slime-suckers at Salon.
What's up with the faggots at Salon.com? Seems like pussy provocateur piffle to me. They need to call attention to themselves by posting a list of 15 most hated bands?
There's way too much of this "list" shit. It seems any site you go to, Rolling Stone, HuffPo, Google News...there's a list of oh-so-precious sites you should visit as part of the big click-thru moneymaker game..."click here" for "trending" articles like the Top 10 wardrobe malfunctions, the Top 10 pictures of Viley Virus almost showing her little boy penis, the Top 10 songs you must hear, the most outrageous outfits of Lady Hoo Ha, etc. etc.
So here, for ADD jackasses everywhere, another list...not annotated. It could've been "The Top 15 Bands" but it's a lot easy to make money by being snarky from an established website with a lot of money behind it, like Saliva. Er, Salon...
No, surprise-surprise, I don't find a kindred spirit with whoever wrote this crap.
First off, I don't agree with the list. I don't know that John Mayer is a band. Or Lana Del Rey.
And most hated by who? Obviously not the general public, who made most of 'em into millionaires. Just on name alone, Limp Bizkit, Goo Goo Dolls and Insane Clown Posse deserve to be on the list but...where's Bumford & Buns? Is that a group any normal person could stand watching? Just name the bands that have appeared on "Saturday Night Live" in the past five years. Most of them were excruciating for even 3 minutes. So, Salon fags, fans of Daft Punk, are you? How about these shitty bands that were on "Saturday Night Live" and had me fast-forwarding as fast as possible: Maroon 5, Ne-Yo, The Lumineers, fun, Vampire Weekend, One Direction, Kings of Leon, and Imagine Dragons.
Rock bands are a cliche. They look stupid. They act stupid. Their songs suck. Most of them seem to be playing to themselves more than the audience. At least THEY are having a good time, strutting around pouting and smirking and wearing silly hats and moronic t-shirts with idiot slogans...and is it possible for two rhythm guitarists not to face each other and wank with their guitars? That's the most disgusting cliche of all...that "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" jerkfest, with two pimply, dirty, idiotic guys facing each other and grinning dementedly as if to say "Isn't this fun?"
PS, if you're going by the number of unsold CDs cluttering up thrift shops, Dave Matthews Band is without question the WORST. Can't give that horrible shit away.
PPS, it's a good thing SALON is a dot.com, because otherwise it would be on any list of "most despised magazines" that pile up in the trash because nobody wants to keep a single issue.
It will have HONEY BOO BOO on the next cover, showing how stylish it is to have Cheez Whiz all over your face and drool running down your bib.
Then BELLE KNOX will show the latest fashion secret, the semen facial.
Then VILEY VIRUS will explain why there's no reason to keep your tongue from lolling halfway out your mouth at all times.
Then we'll have some celebrity only known for her silicone tits, explain how easy it is to become famous just for silicone tits.
The world is SO fucked up....
So pardon me while I repeat: KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE KIMYE VOGUE .
There ya go, Kunt Trashian, you fat-assed low class video cocksucker tabloid twat. And a big fuck you to Kanye "You Don't Know Fashion" West, anus-lipped sourpuss and all-around shit lump. You two morons have reached your apex (accent on APE) and it's DOWNHILL as some newer atrocious and tasteless couple comes along. Just wait till Asshat Bieber or Viley or Gaga gets married to some warthog, chimp or herpes-ridden pit bull.
After all, the jerk isn't even 21 yet, is he? He's always pouting, "I'm just a kid."
A few days after one of his arrests...what did he do? He got himself two new tattoos. Naturally he couldn't keep this earth-shaking news to himself and naturally, he thinks he's done something worthy of the "World Records" book. He got his tattoos done on a plane. Hey everybody, doesn't that make me something special? I lay on my back, on a plane 40,000 feet up, while some jerk inked me. What talent I have!
I guess he's a little restless with only being known as a world-champ at selling drivel to teenage twats. This creepy brat was actually the subject of a "Jeopardy" TV quiz question: "Who had five gold albums while still a teenager?" No, not Viley Virus. It's that clown nose, Just a Beeper.
Slow news week. Everyone's still grousing about the Malaysian plane that "went missing." The good news there, is that it proves that "Google Maps" can't do everything, and that it's actually possible for a giant plane with over 200 people aboard to "vanish." Wish Viley and Justin would do the same.
As to the latest tattoos...first off, let's repeat that ONLY immature idiots get tattoos. You have to be under 21 and have little self-worth to get yourself inked up with some stupid shitty picture you wouldn't even put on your bedroom wall. You have to be quite the dimwit to think that you're impressing anybody because you've scarred yourself for life with some big garish and/or meaningless slogan or drawing.
Ass-hat decided to put the word "forgive" on his belly. Awwwww. Poor puppy boy. Look at the expression on his face, that wimpy moping "pity the pretty boy" look. Yeah, that works with pubescent little bitches and boo-boos but not adults, pal.
We're supposed to "forgive" every stupid, arrogant thing you do? Let me put it this way: I hope you die. I hope you die stupidly and painfully. Like, while spitting on your fans from a hotel balcony, you fall over and splat face down on the pavement. Or, how about this: you go egg somebody's house, and the guy comes out, and shoves a dozen eggs down your throat till you choke. How about this: you try and do some Justin Timberlake move on stage, tangle your legs up, fall down onto a live wire, and spend the next 60 seconds moving like an epileptic snake while smoke comes billowing from under your ass-hat! Any of those would do.
The other tattoo...some kind of cross. Oh right, Mr. Religion, here. He's blasting his stereo waking up all his neighbors, running over to his nearest neighbors with a basket of eggs to throw...and he's thinking, "What would Jesus do?" Jesus, by the way, was a big fan of Brazilian whores. And frankly, it's surprising Jesus hasn't come back down to earth just to fuck Selena Gomez...but I'm sure Justin thinks that he's doing that because The Lord wants him to. That's Bieber, ass-holier than thou.
Sarah Michelle Gellar! Yes, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" herself...who may not be able to slay a giant gorilla like Kanye, or Kanye's orangutan fuck-on-video reality show whore. At least she can tell her followers to boycott vogue!
Meanwhile, if you were expecting any "comic genius" out there to do a perfect parody of the Vogue cover...forget it. This tepid, stupid attempt from James Franco and Seth Rogen, two talentless media whores themselves, is not remotely funny to me. Photoshop 101 is what it is:
It's run by whore-bitch Anna Wintour, the worst cunt on the planet. This power-wielding tampon with eyes, loves the fur trade. She runs pix of bints in fur coats EVERY chance she gets. I think if she could watch animals get slaughtered, she'd have an orgasm. Probably the only way she can have an orgasm.
I wonder how she'd like to be scalped. Maybe have her dainty foot caught in a steel trap biting down to the bone.
Vogue is just a boring, stupid magazine for boring stupid women who are very vain.
Now, with the complexion of America darkening, even Anna Wintour is lowering her standards of what "taste" is, and what "talent" is, and what "class" is.
Witness THIS appalling cover:
What's the deal? Vogue puts this chimp and his whore on the cover because they have style? No. It's because Kanye West put a gun to her cunt, that's why. Not literally, but he's been stomping around playing the race card, screaming "me and MY GIRL" are SO important and the nigga-hating interracial-hating magazine fashion magazines won't acknkowledge that they are the world's greatest couple. Greatest couple? They don't equal the sum of their farts. Kanye is important...to who? To retards who like bad rap music? To trailer trash white women with fat asses who've always wanted a stereotypical giant black cock to stuff into their flabby cracks?
Kanye West has no taste, no style...he's a simian moron. His idea of "fashion" is to prance around in a leather skirt, looking like somebody's half-trained chimp. Kim? She's a whore. She fucked a guy on a video. That's how she became famous. All the make-up and makeovers can't hide that she's ugly. She's stupid. She's a nobody. Dog turds have better shapes. Look at that cover. What a face...like a Mexican washer-woman....her repulsive simian body hidden behind a flowing gown.
These two idiots are rich. Rich because they appeal to stupid people. This shouldn't be a reason for Vogue to go haul Annie Liebowitz out and try to make a silk purse out of two pig's ears. But it is. Because Anna Wintour is, more than anything, a money-whore. That's her life: hoarding money. Power. MONEY is power. Without MONEY, she's just a magazine editor.
You'll notice that Vogue has tried, tried very hard, to make these two animals look human. Kim is conspicuously wearing a very conservative white gown and Kanye is very conspicuously behind her giant behind...not wearing one of his bizarre and grotesque outfits...and no Kangol cap or other atrocious topper.
So what's the message? That you ethnic scum, you white trailer trash, can clean up pretty well and learn to dress properly? If that's the message, KIMYE are a pair of hypocrites, because their actual day-to-day style is nouveau-bitch and gutter-pimp slobbery. They are worse than the Beverly Hillbillies, spending thousands on gold-plated toilet seats. LOW CLASS.
Maybe the old Wintour bitch has Alzheimers. Maybe its her smelly underlings who've made this decision, knowing that if Vogue is to survive, it's going to have to have plenty of LATINA bitches and BLACK bitches subscribing...women who don't want to see white women on every page...or tasteful outfits that don't involve Spandex or a garishly-colored serape.
As a wise man recently put it, the 21st Century is Shite. And two shite-faces are on the cover of Vogue.
Some years ago, Charla Nash thought that chimps were amusing, too. She was friends with a nitwit bag who owned a chimp called Travis. Here's Charla cuddling with Travis:
The woman who owned the chimp, and moaned its loss, probably dropped dead from the stress of losing her beloved chimp AND knowing what Charla Nash looked like. PS, even after a full transplant, she ain't a pleasant sight.
Charla was able to get a chunk from the woman's $4 million estate but has been petitioning Connecticut courts to allow her to sue the state. Why? The state should've known that the chimp was dangerous. The state should've protected her. At this point, Connecticut IS one of the states that prohibits the ownership of certain dangerous animals...including chimps. But I guess it didn't have that law when Charla was attacked or...the law didn't apply to chimps already owned...just people trying to buy a new one
Fact is, if Charla's loony friend wasn't TAKING BATHS with the chimp, feeding it Xanax, and otherwise tampering with it, it may have survived just fine in its cage, which is where it belonged. However, many chimps do eventually go nuts from confinement, improper diet, weird relationships with humans and lack of a normal life with its own kind.
I find it very strange that Connecticut, or any state, can be so Fascistic as to prohibit the filing of a legal action. Why not let the woman spend her money and have a judge hear her argument? Why silence her? Let a judge take a few minutes to tell her to her fake-face, "Sorry, you lose."
That said, I don't see that she has a case. The government is not your fucking parents. YOU were the one playing with the fucking chimp for years and years. The government is supposed to guard you against crooks, against companies that put bad things in your food, against grifters calling you up with phone scams. And, Christ, they don't do a good job of THAT. So when they finally do come up with a law, like the anti-chimp and wild animal law in Connecticut, thank them and understand that the wheels of justice move slowly. And who's to say that the woman who owned Travis would've obeyed the law, and not snuck a chimp into her home? And who's to say Charla wouldn't have thought, "Yeah, this chimp IS harmless, I love playing with him, he'll never turn on me..."
Bottom line? Wild animals are NOT amusement, and it's a disgusting fact that in most places in the world, you can own most any wild animal you can hide in your home. Alligators. Poisonous snakes and insects. Pumas and leopards. Who knows how many of these, and more, are in "private zoos" run by well meaning, or just psychotic "animal lovers." How about "legal" animals like roosters and dogs owned for "fighting purposes" only..."entertainment" for monkey-like people who bet on the winner and laugh at the loser who lies dead?
PS, Connecticut, how about a law against the ownership of dogs? They might not rip off your face, bite off your hands and blind you, but they sure can KILL you. Pit bulls, anyone? The fact that dogs are kept as "entertainment" is VERY disgusting, and probably half the dogs owned in Connecticut are owned by psychopaths playing God, using the beast to guard property, or as a sex partner. And so we end this piece on chimps with a feeble request that all dangerous dogs (over a certain weight) be BANNED in CONNECTICUT. And every yappy little chihuahua simply get punted into Massachusetts.
See, in this world of "special needs," you and I are supposed to suffer...but a fucking retard can be as stupid as he wants to in public...and mommy isn't even going to try and shut him up.
There IS some good news to this sappy story. See you after the break.
I'd be applauding when they left, too.
Where do you draw the line? Maybe a family of blacks should be allowed to yell at the screen and hoot and shizzle their dizzle because that's their culture?
Should we take pity on some Mexicans or Puerto Ricans who might want to break into some salsa music and play guitars because a movie scene is too slow for their hot blood and low attention span?
How about if a few of these beaners no-speak English, and one of them keeps translating every other sentence in Spanish, in a loud, nasal voice? Shouldn't we take fucking pity on these poor people who don't know our language? Shouldn't we allow that our movie ticket does NOT mean we can watch a fucking movie in peace??
WHAT is so difficult to understand about being civilized and respectful of other people in public? WHAT? WHAT?
I don't want to see your retard slobbering and gurgling next to me in a restaurant. I don't want to tiptoe through dogshit on the sidewalk. I don't want to hear your brainless cellphone conversation. I go to a movie to...get this...WATCH THE MOVIE.
Why is it so difficult for people to be sensitive and responsible and mindful of others? Why is it that so many assholes have to be a fucking burden and a distraction? I get it...you're blind, you need some help (especially in reading this). If you're in wheelchair you're going to make me wait five fucking minutes while the bus driver lowers his ramp and gets you aboard and clamps seat belts in place. I have sympathy, ya time-wasting cripple, I really do. I'm not going to jeer you or even roll my eyes or sigh.
But a loud retard, a barking dog, a brat kicking the back of my chair and all the rest...NO. It can be helped. You train your retard, your dog, your kid, your whatever...or you STAY THE FUCK HOME. What next, screaming babies in movie theaters? HOW DARE YOU?
The "good news' in this sob story is that Mama of Retard, and some do-gooder, are working out plans where all retards and freaks and screaming babies can go to a special screening and ALL have a GOOD TIME TOGETHER. Nice? Fine. Why the fuck not. Movie theaters, which most of us avoid now because they are full of obnoxious jerks, should have special hours for "special needs" people, just as they often have lower prices for senior citizens who want to see a movie at two in the afternoon because they eat at three, and fall asleep at four.
A very bright, not-retarded person, once said, "Children should be seen and not heard." OK, I don't even want to SEE them, but I'll settle for "not heard." That applies to retards. To dogs. To every ethnic group that somehow thinks they're actually superior to others. Let's get back to how we once behaved...with respect for those around us. Parents are so addled they have no idea how annoying their fucking brats are, retarded or not (and most ARE retarded, in one way or another).
If it takes bullying and abuse to get your loudmouth son, daughter, husband out of a movie theater, I'm all for it. I'll be cheering and applauding till somebody says, "Hey, you can stop now, loudmouth fuckhead, we're trying to hear the movie..."
