EDM- Edgy Douchebag Morons

Remember "We Are the Robots" and Kraftwerk and Devo? That synth shit nearly caught on. People thought it was a GOOD thing to go on a dance floor and act like robots. Christ, to this day you can't be in a major city and escape "street dancers" pretending to be robots.

Now that we're actually IN the fucking 21st Century, there's some horrible shit called EDM. You go to some dance club, and there's this shit playing, and people are supposed to jump up and down or act like robots. Or something.

Rolling Stone, which I think still skews old, tries to "hip" its readers to such trends as killing people at marathons (put cutie-pie Boston Bomber on the cover), or why we should care about Justin Bieber. So here's their helpful feature on just why they have put some shitty EDM maker on the cover, and why anyone cares about Daft Punk:

Nerdy morons and their lousy brand of dance music are "taking over." Great news, huh? So let's all take some Molly and bounce up and down to Daft Punk. Not.

First off, haven't we DONE this shit already? What's Daft Punk except some Jigaboo version of Devo or Krafwerk? Pardon my racism, but that's the shit, yo. It's just the same dopey electronic dance crap we were bored with 30 years ago, cranked wid da crunk and da funk. Or something. Whatever it is, I don't like it. But that doesn't surprise you, does it? I don't like most of what passes for music these days.

I've heard it all, and better. The white jerks are just doing bad variations on the past, and that includes Bumford & Crumbs. U2 and Green Day ain't Dylan by a longshot. Neither is Jake Bugg. The fact that the fucking Rolling Stones are still out there, proves nobody rocks better than they do, so don't even try. The fact that Paul Simon, Elton John and Paul McCartney and others can't write a decent rock song or say anything interesting only proves that rock, as an art form, is very played out. It's rare when anyone can come up with a hook as catchy as the old stuff was.

I'm supposed to be impressed that disco is back under a new name, or new initials? EDM? I'm not an Edgy Douchebag Moron so I'm not impressed. It's just sad to think that if I do go to see some action movie, THIS shit will be on the soundtrack, instead of just an irritating rap song over the end credits.

Anyone really optimistic about the future? Not if the big example is Daft Punk, a pair of assholes in corny 50's spacesuits who aren't daft and aren't punk, but offer some monkey-rappy shizzle McDizzle over the usual electronic noize. Big fucking deal.

Face it, the days when rap music was even mildly interesting...are OVER. Da Blacks ain't flexing their stupid fingers and wearing their hats backwards...because BIEBER is doing it. They ain't grousing about Whitey, or yelling at bitches, or muttering about Da Hood and putting a cap into somebody...because they all became millionaires and can get whatever they please. They have no reason to rap anymore. So they don't. They're aping the misshapen Ceelo Green and doing bland stupid dance music garbage. Music now is a melting pot of diarrhea. Why stir the pot just to get a whiff of the bad odor? So EDM is...what...a rotten homogenized Smoothie of black, punk, disco and electronics? Thanks, but no thanks.

Right now I'm listening to Alizee. Why? I want something mild and tuneful and not too distracting (she sings in French so whatever the little bitch is singing about, I have no idea). Alizee was big a few years ago, doing some slinky dance move that became an animated gif for every 15 year old French boy. At least she didn't stick her tongue out, sing in her underwear, or twerk. She was one sexy little piece of French jail bait.

Sadly, Alizee sort of disappeared after an album or two, along with her signature samba-like dance undulation, which I don't see used as a forum avatar too often anymore. If only Viley Virus shared the same fate.

Why do I keep straying off the topic of EDM? Because it's only for EDGY DOUCHEBAG MORONS....