Surely, uTorrent is Christ and Kim Dotcom is God. No? Malware? Bloatware? Fraud? Really??

Oh well, kiddies. Just shake your heads and say NO NO NO!

Not "NO NO NO, I won't pirate movies and music anymore" or "NO NO NO, I won't use uTorrent anymore."

You just say NO NO NO, I don't believe it! Utorrent is run by kind, generous sharing people who believe in FREEEEE. They are right up there with our God, the creator of Megaupload, KIM DOTCOM, who isn't really a Nazi, who didn't really change his name, and who didn't build an empire worth billions by cheating artists AND his own "premium" customers.

Junk my uTorrent before it can fuck up my life? "What would Assange do?" Maybe there's a Seniormole out there, or a Mephisto, who knows SO much more about this and can say, "Oh, don't think twice about it. It's all right. Surely, pirate organizations are run by NICE people."

And don't call me Surely.

The world of "Because we like Free" and "Ha ha ha Nobody Paid" is actually upset because the beloved uTorrent has turned out to not only have nefarious ways of making money for themselves, but have been caught in collusion with even worse criminals.

Nevermind. No cause for alarm. These reports against uTorrent probably are coming from a rival company or something.

We all know, you NEVER get viruses, or hack programs, or identity theft, unless you click a link marked, "viruses" or "hack programs" or "identity theft."

We ALL know that every place that gives you a ton of fine print to agree to, before you can do anything, does it just, oh, because they technically have to, not because they're doing anything DANGEROUS.

"Hey, I clicked what I thought was a DOWNLOAD button on Sendspace, and suddenly I've got this new Whitelight program or something, which I can't uninstall. Hey, I downloaded a movie from a trusted Sir Fuck-You-Alot downloader and now everybody on my address list is getting e-mails from me asking them to re-set their passwords. Hey, somebody in Huddinge Hills, Sweden is using my money to get progrock CDs from Japan via eBay and I can't get anyone at Paypal or eBay on the phone. Hey, some of my favorite programs aren't working anymore and I can't turn off others..."

We are SHOCKED, SHOCKED...that people who run secret forums, or notorious torrents aren't doing it all for FREEEEEEEE. And being even more corrupt than those meanies at the RIAA and MPAA? Imagine! No, don't bother. Just download "Imagine" for FREEEE and leave a "nice comment" for Mr. "not my download." Thank him for his hard work.