This is different from Christians. They're just batshit crazy, and the incidents of Spanish Inquisition-type murderous rage and self-righteous perversion are less. Give a priest a young boy, and he's not gonna preach jihad, right? No virgins in heaven when there's a boy on Earth.
ANYHOOOOOOO.
Today the reliable AMERICAN Christians go out of their way to pervert their religion by BUYING SHIT. Easter bonnets. Hollow chocolate bunnies (who doesn't like to bite their heads off). "Easter eggs" somehow left in jelly or candy form by a rabbit.
It's a day to watch college basketball. A day to celebrate how God killed his son, or rather, simply didn't interfere because, as he said from his cloud, "it really wouldn't interest anybody outside of a small circle of last supper dinner guests."
In this spirit no wonder there was a post about the wonder and glory of God, in striking down a guy who offered balm in Mississippi. Yeah, some guy who posted comforting words AND a lovely drawing of Jessica Chambers nuzzling up against Jesus himself, died quite unexpectedly.
God is great.
Below, an announcement of the guy's death. It's on the Farcebook group that began with Biblical rage (an eye for an eye maybe, as they demanded that the cops find out who set a teenager on fire, burning her over 99% of her body). Once they discovered the perp was just a nasty nigga who apparently didn't like white girls who didn't instantly bend over for him, the page became loaded over with doleful drawings and platitudes about how she's an "angel." God selected her for a gruesome and torturous death, but she's no longer maimed and scarred, but sitting on a cloud with Jesus. One guy was very good at drawing angelic pictures of Jessica. But now? God kicked his ass. Up to heaven, no doubt. Death was his reward for being so nice to Jessica's memory. No HE doesn't have to live anymore. He might be hangin' with Jessica and Jesus RIGHT NOW.
So, the guy who drew an extra-special fictional portrait of Jesus proudly displaying a drawing of Jessica, is gone. And, Jesus and God being SO nice, they left his family with funeral expenses. The Lord moves in mysterious ways? Not at all; for devout Christians paying funeral expenses will make them feel GOOD about themselves. Got the logic? All suffering is lessened if you just sacrifice, and the best way to do that is to give away your money. Usually to the church.
A guy has a kid (so it seems from the photo) but NO life insurance. He believed "God will provide." And "God will kill me off and somebody else will pay to bury me and support my spawn."
By the way, Garry Shandling dropping dead of a sudden heart attack was not in God's plan, because he was a Jew. Jews may "THINK" they are God's "Chosen People" but they're on their own. He died because there was something defective about him. He is NOT on a cloud telling jokes to Jesus. Jesus never laughed at Shandling, just at "Hee Haw" re-runs and the whimsical Irish anecdotes of Hal Roach. Maybe some Tommy Cooper stuff, which would explain him dropping dead after a performance "just as he would've wanted." Shandling? All Christians know that Jewish deaths mean nothing, just as they know Jesus was a Christian NOT a Jew.
God works in mysterious ways? Hell no. He works on a cash basis. Every church expects donations. Jesus wants you all to donate to somebody's funeral expenses on GOFUNDME today. Just give what you can spare AFTER you've been to church and tossed an extra-generous amount of money down in honor of the holiday. After all, today marks Jesus making that comeback after Dad let him die on the cross. That Jesus flew the coop after he did that magic trick of resurrection, well, it's in The Bible. Jesus said, "You're gonna like this. Not a lot. My magic trick is coming back to life but leaving you guessing when the fuck I'm coming back for an encore!"
The rest of Easter Sunday? Americans are watching "March Madness" college basketball games (the ones they all bet on at the office pool). And everyone's eating lots and lots of Easter candy, as Jesus would've wished. It's in the BIBLE isn't it? The Easter Bunny?
ANYHOOOOOOOOO.
Getting back to our theme, for this one-shot one-draft ad-libbed blasphemy, Muslims are considered pretty ridiculous for their stinky halal food, their insane customs and their absurd beliefs. Even when they aren't beheading people, their holier-than-thou Allah bullshit is pretty hard to take.
Christians? A random Farcebook post.
Fer Chrissake. It's snowing on Easter Sunday in Kansas, and Jesus planned this? He had nothing better to do? Somebody out there is singing "I'm Dreaming of a White Easter?"
How fucking GOOFY does it get, making a HOLY shit because it's fucking snowing?? But that's how Christians are. The way they talk about themselves is so egocentric and mystical, like each one of these cretins is a mini-God, too. Ever hear that shit? "I'm a CHRISTIAN, so..." so "...I don't judge my fellow man...I believe in a higher plan...I will forgive...I can be healed without modern medicine..." whatever. Whatever the ludicrous sanctimonious shit might be, it's prefaced by "I'm a CHRISTIAN."
Even more annoying are the Farcebook assholes who simply remind everyone, religious or not, "Today's Sunday. Blessings!" What's with people, mere mortals, doling out BLESSINGS? Every devout Christian likes to pretend to be, what, a priest, a nun, or Jeezy himself?
There's a greedy old bitch in the neighborhood who sits her fat ass on a bench, and since panhandling is "legal" as long as you aren't "aggressive," bothers every single person who walks by: "Spare a dime or a dollar. BLESS you." Blessed are those who give money to a greedy bitch who doesn't even pretend there's anything wrong with her and is dressed like anybody else. She's just past 50 and fat and nobody would say, "If I give you a 50 do I get a blowjob?"
She's entitled to money because she's....a....Christian.
This is Easter Sunday in America: crackpots insisting that with billions of CHRISTIANS around, God selectively chooses which one gets burned alive by a nigga, and which one who sympathizes with that person gets a sudden heart attack, and which flat, useless state gets some snow.
Oh yes, and God, leader of the Christians (isn't he a bit jealous of how much everyone loves his son more than him?) HE chooses which Christians get offed in random suicide bombings by the exact OPPOSITE of Christians.
Jesus and God do have the power to kick Mohamed's ass if they want to, don't they? God made the world in less than a week, so he could wipe out ISIS in less than an hour. But he's busy making chocolate Easter rabbits, and fancy Easter bonnets. Something like that. When in doubt, just say, "I believe, but I have no specifics."
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