Bill: "I flew to England to attend a wonderful MEMORABILIA show. I'd never seen so many celebrities I never heard of! I had to pay 20 pounds each to get a picture with EACH ONE. My friends in New Jersey will be so impressed.
"I felt right at home. There were so many obese people around. All of them were deeply involved in their world of dungeons, dragons, super heroes, other planets, and the fantasy of actually being thin and desirable. One of the most popular stars was an old lady with weird staring eyes named Katy Manning. I think she played a talking owl in a kiddie British fantasy show called "Dr. Hoot." I know she wasn't in "Star Wars" because I waved my lightsaber and she wasn't impressed.
"I arrived in my Twat Man costume. Amazing how a man can dress like that and still have people call him a Dick Head. I took it as such a compliment! I posed for pictures and gave everyone who took a photo 20 pounds. Of soiled nappies.
"I made sure to turn around and show a lovely wide-eyed portrait of Shauna Cuntwell on the back, along with the words, "GUYSSSS! ONLY A DOLLAR A DOWNLOAD ON iTUNES!" This had a bunch of guys buzzing. They were in bee costumes. There were also homicidal clowns, chainsaw murderers, some wookies...I'm so glad patients from Broadmoor came in by bus. Then train. Then another bus. Then another train.
"Best of all, SHAUNA arrived all the way from Dublin! She was so impressed with my Twat Man costume, she let me take a great shot of how she shaves her twat! I told her the "King of Shaves" company would surely be impressed with how clean she keeps it. I worked up a poster, and she was so happy, she wanted to open an account on PornTube to display it, and ask for a fiverrrr from the guyyyysss.
"My trip to England was wonderful. I brought back so many D-list signed photos, so many action figures and toys and things, and three weeks' worth of laundry, which is quite a lot considering I was only there for the weekend! Oh well, I do have a weak end! You have to imagine the grin on my face! I am SO happy! I have that "just took a dump in my nappy" look of contentment and glee."
Bill added that if the shaving cream ad goes ahead, he plans to flip Shauna over, spread her cheeks, and photograph her anus for an anal sex lubricant company. The idea is to sell more lubricant and point out that if you buy the slippery product, you can slide your cock into a really snug hole; no pregnancy worries and a nice tight fit. It will also appeal to homosexuals trying to cure themselves and start having sex with women, but not going into someplace that might frighten them. Slogan: "You're gonna like it! Not a twat!"
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