Bill Hoobastank salutes James Last

"Hello every wan. I mean, every wan person that loved the soft, absolutely flaccid music of Hans "James" Last.

"I was very glad, thanks to Dutch bloggers like Hans Demented van Diverticulitis, to have gotten, FREEEE, every single drop of musical treacle Mr. Last recorded. I weep for his cheesy-listening masterpieces. After all, I was very, VERY close with this man!"

"Every year Mr. Last would come to Cal E. Fornia, and try and blow The Beach Boys. Empty handed and empty-mouthed, he'd fly across country to New Jersey, and meet ME. There in my back yard, his magic fingers would work on my back yard. Then he'd wash his hands and play my organ while I got drunk. When I got completely drunk, I thoroughly enjoyed his brand of music.

"I have lots of pix like the above, but I'm not always smiling in them. This one will be the envy of Zinny Zinfart, Chris Blows Cock, and Zun Set, and other retardedly-named old Euro-trash morons with time to waste. It's all about caring about mediocre artists and crappy music in the worst way. The worst way is stealing and calling it "sharing" and denying royalties while taking Paypal donations. Whee!

"Oh well. Anyhoo, we've seen the Last of James, and the next week may be the Last time, maybe the Last time (I don't know) that his music is thrown around.

"In stupid forms and blogs there will be sighs and sobs of "R.I.P." and "My tribute is to give away everything he did that I could steal." Such nice people, to do that.

"One blogger might even claim that he's not really dead, and beg everyone to hunt under every nook, cranny and fat gay guy to ind him. I do believe James is dead, but NOT Lazy Rebel the Rucksack, or Eddie Triffid, or Red Marks or Death Smell or Senilemole and Last of the Boot Sale (and other ridiculous wastes of space on the planet).

"If I may be serious, I do believe the main thing is not what you can fill an external drive with, but you can fill a mouth or anus with! In that regard, I will always be grateful to James Last. And to show you what a fan I am, I always paid him! And I gave him an extra $20 for every photo, too!"