Drink some heavily spiked egg nog until your eyes glow like coals. Put on your scarf to protect your golden voice. Stare like you've had a mystical vision...of YOURSELF as the Messiah of A Cappella.
Then, GO, JOHNNY, GO. And invite your friends, like Bill Hoobastank and Basket Case to witness the miracle. (Just tell 'em NOT to sing, since YOU ALONE are the star!!!) "Got a minute?"Or two? Every day? For HIM?
One of the big suck-cesses for Johnny is his daily dose of irritating pop Christmas tunes. Never underestimate the public! While his usual stale cookies (Sinatra covers) barely get 10 views from ungrateful brats, EVERYONE is gobbling up CHRISTMAS SONGS to amuse themselves. FREEEEEE. They think up a song they remember, type it in, and gosh, instead of Mel Torme or Johnny Mathis, they'll listen to virtual unknowns, too!!
Jesus, Santa and Mary (or Jesus, Santa & Maria, if we're talking about illegals who just crossed the border last night, along with a thousand others), PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED! Instead of a paltry 10 views, each chunk of Johnny's Xmas xcrement has gotten 100 or even 200. That's HUGE by HIS standards.
With the usual three or four friends of his to mutter in awe, either on Twatter or Farcebook, "That last one was beeee-yoooooooooo-tiful, Johnny, can't wait for the next," you can depend on him to whip through DOZENS MORE in the next 3 weeks.
Always, he'll start by awkwardly backing away from the camcorder he just turned on (nobody wants to be in the room with him?) Then with that "God's Gift" look in his eye, and the pride of considering himself supremely talented, he'll elaborately mouth tones that he's convinced are the human equivalent of....silver bells.
It's the most magical time of the year. God blessed every note. (No kidding, compared to how Macca sounds at roughly the same age, our Johnny is the Miracle Man.)
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