Rolling Stone Raves: Gail Zappa & Universal in Bed Together!

Wowie Zowie.

It seems that Gail Zappa needs to replenish her bank account.

It seems that Universal believes that greasy idiots and pretentious dorks over 60 might actually re-buy Mothers of Invention garbage yet again, if re-packaged on fancy-weight vinyl. They might even fork over for stuff they already have via bootlegs. And for stuff that they could predict how it'll sound before they even hear it.

Wowie Zowie.

Zappa fans are stupid enough and so lacking in imagination they'll buy just about anything. How about "200 Motels" re-mixed into mono? How about "Enema Bandit" with vocal yowling from Wildman Fischer randomly tossed onto the left channel? Oooh, how about opening the vault to Frank's mausoleum and shutting it again, and releasing THAT noise as an mp3 single??

Rolling Stone has reported this Good News from Greedland.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, even if they might not admit it, Zappa fans are just as shit-headed as Grateful Dead fans, and they buy the same old boring monotonous crap and cheer about it while the rest of the world goes by. This cult for cacaphonous caca really thinks that Frank's pretentious and shrill drivel is any better than the Garcia band's goofy shitkicking jams?

All these Mother-fuckheads are doing is licking at a mustache and goatee. They can't get over a shaggy-haired, pompous and obnoxious bastard with a giant nose and that fab mustache and goatee set.

Yeah, he posed sitting on a toilet. Yeah, his misogyny included Jewish girls and "Suzy Creamcheese" and virtually anyone except Gail The Bitch. He couldn't get enough of enemas. Some of his stuff was almost the audio equivalent of a few pages of SCREW magazine or R. Crumb but not nearly as interesting. Once in a great while, he made melodic dada rather than caca (notably "Peaches en Regalia") and sometimes leered a faintly artistic notion about satiric dissent ("It Can't Happen HERE"). But really, Zappa is as overrated as the pizza shop everyone insists you have to visit.

What's in the oven from Gail and Universal? Whew, it smells SO bad.

IF I'M BEING HONEST again, I haven't listened to ANY of this shit in 20 years, with the exception of that turkey trot "Peaches en Regalia," which I may have played twice.

It's pretty ridiculous that this hairy stalagmite was so utterly devoid of ideas by the time he hit 50. In fact for probably 20 years before he croaked, he was an Alzheimer's musician doing the same thing over and over, just not as good.

I'd say FUCK YOU, GAIL, but who'd want to fuck that bitch cunt? The inside of it probably still has retained the shape of Frank's nose and the whole oriface still smells of his snot.