What's Great About the U.S. Women's Soccer Team Ticker Tape Parades? Not Bill De Blasio the Spazzio

The idiot local TV newscasters (the kind that tell you a broiling hot day is "great summer weather") were all over the U.S. Women's Soccer team parade:

"It'll be GREAT. It starts at 11am at the CANYON OF HEROES and goes up to City Hall! It'll be WONDERFUL!"

Yes, for idiots.

Here are idiots.

Would you like to be in the middle of THAT?

THAT is 80% tweenage twats. Stand among them and you could be arrested as a pedophile.

The CANYON OF HEROES, by the way, is a made-up name. NYC has no fucking canyons, although they do have streets that seem that way, because the buildings are so fucking high and huge they can block out the sun and throw the street into shadows.

The CANYON OF HEROES is just a stretch of Broadway they always use for these dopey parades...about ten blocks way, way downtown so that the Wall Street pricks and hedge fund traders can easily take a break from work and go see it...with the parade conveniently ending up at City Hall, the Mayor's downtown headquarters. The "reward" for the parade is having to sit in the hot sun and listen to Mayor Asshole give a speech.

For normal people, it's a long subway ride. It involves getting there EARLY, and standing around being jostled by morons and listening to idiot squeaky cunt voices. The parade attracted mostly school brat-twats, the worst kind of bratwursts, since it's July and school's out. Who else would care so much about women's soccer?

IF I'M BEING HONEST, the ticker tape parades for "normal" events (the Yankees, Giants, Mets, Jets, Knicks winning a "world" championship) are WORSE. The crowds are bigger, and loaded with drunken PRICKS who have to be bombed on beer before noon. They can't just go to a fucking parade without being soused first.

WORSE, there are so many assholes at a Yankees or Giants parade that even if you get there an hour or two early, you might not see a damn thing. At best you might be 8 or 9 deep in morons, and not be able to see over their heads. The floats aren't THAT high. These aren't Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloons, after all. Just jocks standing on top of a flatbed truck with doilies and paper flowers and shit covering it.

You might not even get onto the sidewalk at all, leaving you on a side street, only able to glimpse the flatbed trucks for 5 seconds as they drive by.

Yes, this soccer final had some great moments, notably one player kicking from 50 yards and somehow getting the ball by the goalie. But that wasn't the deciding goal. America had women's soccer champs at the Olympics, and the iconic moment was not a goal, but what happened after the victory. One of the gals happily pulling her shirt off and running around in her sports bra. It wasn't that long ago. An American women's soccer team winning something ain't that much of a novelty, and this time none of the bitches took their tops off.

Would it really be worth it to wave to that one player who kicked that long field goal (which wasn't the deciding goal) when she wouldn't see you, and you'd be surrounded by hysterical bleating from the tinny-voiced little bitches in the crowd?

OH, and one more thing. New York's big oaf of a mayor, the useless, obnoxious, fat-headed double-ugly pig-faced jerk Bill De Blasio was there, waving as if everyone was there to see HIM.

He had some fucking nerve, getting up on a float with the star players and waving.

What the FUCK was that asshole doing? WHAT? He waved like he was part of the team? Like New Yorkers think he's doing a good job? This putz promised, first thing he'd do as mayor, was get rid of the carriage horses in Central Park. That hasn't happened yet. In fact, he's done nothing except watch the crime rate soar, and give comfort to minorities who no longer have to worry that the cops might stop and frisk them.

His double-ugly, FUGLY wife, who looks like a homeless whore, was there, too.

What's SHE done? She got to meet the fabulous Kate Middleton in Harlem somewhere. That's all she's done, and she's presenting herself like the Deputy Mayor or something. Do you believe it, this bitch, who was NOT ELECTED, walks around like she's the Deputy Mayor, showing up at events to stare and nod her head. As she did with Kate Middleton. The ugly bitch even has two paid assistants swiping some $200,000 out of the city budget! Wave at a parade? WHAT NERVE.

Waving about what? What's she done except been an utter embarrassment to the city? She spawned two obnoxious brats...a mushroom-topped Afro-headed jerk and a drug addicted nitwit who liked to wear ivy in her hair and make speeches about Daddy.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, and if YOU ARE BEING HONEST, does the mayor's wife look like a cleaning woman? A crack whore?

Take a look at her on the left. You might say "Oh, that's the woman who cleaned the soccer team's locker and emptied the metal container for the used feminine napkins."

Mayor Bill has done absolutely NOTHING for the city except make it worse. Times Square is now a fucking zoo thanks to him. The subways are decaying and more expensive. Homeless assholes and panhandlers are everywhere. "Quality of life" is a joke. More and more stores have gone out of business thanks to the shit economy and greedhead landlords raising the rent. He happily allows stinking garbage dumps to be built in affluent parts of town.

This prick moved into Gracie Mansion (Bloomberg stayed HOME, and refused to live there) and he's sublet his Brooklyn brownstone for a huge profit. And he's done nothing but feud with the sour-faced whiny-voiced governor, Andrew Cuomo. Oh yes, and this jerk eats pizza with a fork. What kind of Italian is he? NONE. He changed his last name, which was GERMAN. What a fake. What a pile of shit.

Bill De Lousio and his gruesome FUGLY wife had no business being on that float with the U.S. Soccer team ladies. NONE.

He made sure he was seen, but if you took off work to go there, or were a school brat with nothing better to do, it's possible you didn't see anything at all.

HYPE HYPE and MORE HYPE. Ticker Tape Parades may look like fun from a distance, but they're only fun if you get there at 6 in the morning, wait 4 hours preserving your position on the curb, and are an absolute IDIOT.