AND TONIGHT MR. BILL IS TOPPING HIS BILL!

Bill Hoobastank is still adjusting to his new role as "concert producer." He spent all those years as a librarian for a law firm's boring legal department filing books and briefs, so he's still rusty. So's his briefs.

His line-up keeps changing as acts bow out, nod off or get arrested. He wants the show to be as successful as Boko Haram's concert Saturday night at Butlins Minehead. That was when Brooker kept calling out, "Frau, give me mine head!"

He's found a duo that MIGHT be ready to top the bill!

Mrs. Duckface and her bint of a daughter O. Bese Duckface, insist they have what it takes to be stars. They need autotune like most rappers. They have weird hair like Sia. And they claim to have "played" in Kanye's asshole like Amber Rose. But only a game of pinochle. After losing several chips in there, they gave up. Besides, they couldn't hear themselves talk for all the echo.

With PRICK THAT taken, Bill is still looking to christen the duo something catchy, perhaps with a switch on some old folk duo or pop team. So far, the possibilities include:

HELL AND OAF
DILDO'D AND CLUCK
LEAVE IT IN MANURE
UN RHYTHMICS
MENSTRUAL FLOW AND EDDY
SLIMY DAMP
IKE AND TINA TURN-YA-STOMACH
THE WIDE RIPES
CHIP AND BUTTY
SIMON AND GOFUCKYOURSELF
ASSFACE AND SIMPSON
FART AND BEANO
THE RIGHTEOUS BOTHERS
DAFT TWATS
THE EVER-LEAK BROTHERS
TEAT WRECKS
CLOGGY AND MESSINYA
BLOWER AND SHAPELESS
STEALS AND CRAPS
ENGLAND DOUCHE AND SHITLOAD COLON
THE CRAMP PAIN & MENTALLY ILL
UNGODLY AND CRETIN
PET SHOP REJECTS
BANANA RAMMERS
EVERYTHING BUT THE LOBOTOMY
SILLY VANILLI