LOONEY BRUNO to fight AUDREY HARRISON for "No Commonsense" Title

IF: I'm here with LOONEY BRUNO. You make Oliver McCall seem stable.

LB: Hello, Mate! I've been in the gym, so I can be champ!

IF: I've been in the Louvre. That doesn't make me the Mona Lisa.

LB: Huh? You been in the loo?

IF: Nevermind, my Affable Nubian Friend. We ALL like you.

LB: Who?

IF: YOU, Frank Fuckin' Bruno, a champ back in the days when the Heavyweight Division stunk. Larry Holmes was the boring guy with the jab who tediously went the distance, or way too long, with dull journeymen like Scott LeDoux.

LB: I fought Scott! I won by TKO in the 3rd round! I could knock him out again.

IF: No you couldn't. He's dead. That's how OLD you are! The people you LOST to are all retired, including Bonecrusher Smith and "Terrible Tim" Witherspoon.

LB: I think I remember!

IF: You didn't exactly shine in TWO loses to Mike Tyson. Knocked out in five and then three rounds. You lost to Lennox Lewis too, of course, but I give you credit for being a decent journeyman in that one. You also beat Ribalta, Coetzee and Tillis, but how shot they were by the time YOU got to 'em I don't recall.

LB: See, we all have trouble recalling stuff!

IF: Right, and you went bonkers in 2003 (after you tried to run as a Tory in 2001).

LB: I'm better now! I'm lovable! I was on "TV Burp" (errrrrrrrp!) and "Weakest Link" (farrrrt) with that lovely old twat Anne Robinson. Anne acts like a stern schoolmarm so that Lords and Earls will send her pix of themselves in knickers saying "Who's a naughty boy then?" You gotta love the stereotype of the British mistress/prune.

IF: Please, shut up. Next you'll be sending fan mail to Camilla Parker-Bowels. Just tell me what the FUCK is on your brain-damaged mind?

LB: I'm only 54. If Bernard Hopkins can fight, so can I!

IF: Bernard is 51. He lost his last fight, which was two years ago. Hasn't fought since.

LB: Err, if Roy Jones can fight, so can I!

IF: Roy is 47, and in his last fight nearly had his head handed to him. He's suffered several brutal knockouts. Unlike those two you're in the HEAVYWEIGHT division where KO's are much more likely. Who the fuck can you beat?

LB: Audrey Harrison!

IF: You've got a point. But Oddly hasn't fought since getting KO'd in one round by Deontay Wilder in 2013.

LB: I can beat David Price, too!

IF: Oh for Fucks sake, if you want to make a comeback against Audley and David, go ahead.

LB: I think I could beat Bunce. And James Corden.

IF: You ARE a likable guy, Frank. I'd pay to see you fight any of those guys! There's also this heavy-weight fellow named Bill Hoobastank who deserves a punch in the mouth...