AMY wants Money Again: Goes on DICKSTARTER

It's like Truffaut vs Godard. It's like Kubrick vs Scorcese. It's like Shit vs Piss.

Snubbed by Bill Hoobastank and Shauna Cuntwell, the powerful fat lady Amy Wagstaff-Wetone is determined to make a film and get it into theaters first!

She's gone to DICKSTARTER, as usual, to raise money!

What a photo!

"Hello everyone, it's AMY again. Thank you for giving me the money so I could read "Pride and Prejudice," chapter by chapter, on GOOTUBE. I was thinking of doing it naked, you know. But I was told I'd get over a thousand hits...with people coming over in person to slap me in the face.

"I realized I should save total frontal nudity for my own FEATURE FILM! When I discovered that Hoobastank Limited (Bill and his mentally challenged sister) were making a fillm about the notorious T-girl GROOKER, I knew I had to get started — DICKstarted. Go to DICKSTARTER so I can compete!

"Please support my self-starring movie. I will write and direct it, too. I play Geoff Smallhorn, a struggling musician who can't quit fit in his pants. He's got an ass as big as Adele's. (IE, big as a house). Thinking he is not biologically male after all, but secretly a Kardashian or Jenner, off he goes to Thailand, where a mad doctor gives him Asian hormones that slant his eyes, give him odd looking tits, and shrink his genitalia to the dimensions of most Asian men. His dick looks even smaller because he's such a big fat slob. He is now, what they call in Thailand, a "Lady Blob." Freaks like him are a rare curiosity!

"He becomes an exotic entertainer, but when he reads aloud from E.L. James, people bend him over and spank him with the book. He likes this so much, he walks around with no underwear, constantly reading and constantly getting spanked. He adopts the suitable new name: Knickerless Pain.

"Realizing he has a lousy voice, awful looks, and is totally obese, he figures he's a natural for a career in rock music. The delusional fool takes to the stage, backed by a capuchin monkey banging a drum. He sings tunes that he's co-written with a certain Mr. Grooker, including, "Fat End of the Wedge," "Butterface Boy," "Quite Unsightly So," "Twas Teatime at the Circumcision," "In Girdle Was I," "Shine On Obesely," "The Devil with a Can Ass," "Juicy Fat Stink," "Grimsby's Progress," "Way Too Much Between Us," "Still There'll Be More Fat," "Whale Sings Stories," "Bill's Simple Sister," "Poor Moo Hummus," "Broken Barricades and Toilet Seats," "Exotic Turds and Fruit," "An Old English Drama Queen," and "A Yellower Shade of Piss in a Pail."

"I don't want to give away the plot. Or, rather, there are several of them. It's a big plotz. So just donate hundreds of thousands, and remember that the more you give, the more I'll eat, and the fatter I'll get. This will make for a really big movie. And a really big movement in my knickers; one that will be so huge and stinky it'll make Hoobastank feel jealous in his little soiled nappy. Or am I being rude? Not rude enough to say GIVE ME MONEY! I'M A GLUTTON!"