Shauna Chills: Her Ebay Knickers Pulled Down

"While my manager waddled around the Chiller memorabilia show, PAYING $20 to stand next to ancient women like Terry Moore and Piper Laurie, he did NOTHING for ME!"

So squeals poor Shauna Cuntwell, who adds with a sob, "He could've played my YouTube original songs for Micky Dolenz or Alice Cooper. Imagine if they asked me to open for them!"

Open what, your legs? Shauna, are you dreaming? "I can't believe Bill was so selfish and stupid in wasting such a good opportunity to promote me and my YouTube videos. What was on his laptop?" Puddles of urine, most likely.

Hardly making a fiverrrr on any website, Shauna boldly tried to promote herself on eBay, without Bill's input. She decided to sell some of her used knickers.

"I look VERY cute in my knickers!" Shauna squeaked.

She created an eBay identity: "So as not to jeopardize my music career, I called myself SHAINA and not SHAUNA."

Ebay does NOT allow stinky whorish activity on their site. Well, not always. Rumor has it that Bill Hoobastank himself reported her. Ebay notified her that she had to TAKE DOWN HER KNICKERS!

Reached for comment, Bill gurgled so wildly, even his sister couldn't translate. He either said he would pay for her used knickers, or that he had no use for Niggas, or that his bowels got loose from eating Snickers.

"If Bill did stop the auctions to protect me, ok," Shauna says, "but he should pay me at least a fiverrrr for each pair. I wore each pair for an entire week and actually SANG in them, so they are heavily soiled. They will never wash clean again. As it is, I keep them in plastic bags in the basement, because when I had them in my room, I could hear the sounds of dogs howling at night. At least, I think they were dogs. They could've been guyyyyyys!"