Isis: "It's Too Expensive to Kill Zuckerberg!"

According to e-mails obtained by the mysterious Deathknell, ISIS has tried to target "that annoying Jew with the Jap wife." No, not Woody Allen. It's the creep who owns Facebook.

Here's just one exchange between two high-ranking officials, HABIB and HUMMUS:

HABIB:

"Lol on those beheading fotos. Real kewl! Back to Zuckerberg. Surely he hires Muslims. Jews like to show how liberal they are. Can't we get an employee to wear dynamite and meet with him?"

HUMMUS

"U R 2 much, Dude. Facebook employees wear expensive J. Crew mail order clothes. No room for bulky dynamite. The guy doesn't see ordinary employees, either, just whiz kids with new ideas to annoy anyone with an FB account. Like, more ads, spam from Ray-Ban idiots, and blocking anyone who says "Game of Thrones" is shit."

And so it goes. The monsters who create hideous Internet giants like Google, Facebook, Ebay and Amazon are WELL protected!