Q: Congratulations, Bill.
A: Gurgle GURGLE GOO-GOO!
Q: Somebody turn on the subtitles and the translation feature, please. Bill, tell me how you feel.
A: I feel like I need a change! I'm all hot and gooey.
Q: Yes, I didn't think it was stinky halal food wafting through the air. Are you happy to have won?
A: Oh yes! That's ONE reason I have this shit-eating grin on my face. The other —
Q: Is you enjoy shit eating, yes, I'm way ahead of you. Little things make you so giddy, don't they?
A: You're about to tell a dick joke! Tee hee!
Q: Bill, would it surprise you to know that you won because NOBODY ELSE WAS NOMINATED?
A: Foowwwweeeeeeee PLOTZ!
Q: A whistling fart and I bet you laid a turd the size of a muffin. Or a meatloaf. Or, Meatloaf. Please stop grinning like an imbecile!
A: It's the only way I know how to grin! My sister grins like a moron. Did you know a moron is smarter than an imbecile?
Q: It goes without saying. So shut the fuck up. Well, folks, Bill has put a pacifier in his mouth. I've never seen a brown lumpy pacifier before. And...oh, LORD. It's NOT a pacifier! And to think, I'm not even being PAID for this interview! Get me outta here....
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