Suspended as an ASSHOLE, come back as ASSHOLE2

"What do I love," Jay Leno used to ask. "Stupid criminals!"

Then he'd pull out a sheaf of police reports on comically idiotic crooks, and start reading.

Nothing too funny about the petty greedheads on eBay. BUT, they ARE stupid.

Yes, a petty two-bit jerk (left) is selling PDF girly magazines he downloaded off torrents. A few months ago he got suspended (right).

Why did he come back? $1.25 to e-mail somebody a dirty magazine! What a GOLDMINE!

Add up the time in posting, the eBay and Paypal fees, and it doesn't even come up to minimum wage.

So the asshole comes right back and barely changes his eBay name. Just adds a "2" to it. That's like being suspended as ASSHOLE and returning as ASSHOLE2. Thank you, moron, that'll help you get re-suspended a little quicker.

This asshole is not alone in bootlegging mags on eBay of course. It's just rare that he's an American in some crappy little town where people live in shacks and trailers. Even stupid Americans worry that they could be hauled off to jail or sued and forced to give back punitive damages.

Mostly the bootlegging of magazines and books is a favorite pastime for swarthy, blockheaded Croatians, Bulgarians, Russians and other knotheaded Vodka-breathed thugs. They shrug their hairy shoulders, and squeal, "Vat, so vat, I yam eeeen-titled, eh? Fock Ah-merry-cans!"

The PDF EPUB MOBI thieves often steal each others' ad copy, since most of them no speak English.

The more of these roaches, the lower the prices. From $2 per mag, it's gone down to $1.25 and even .99 and .50. Wheee!

Ebooks? As long as rich authors of garbage, such as James Patterson, don't even bother to check eBay, and as long as their publishers act like the RIAA and have "report piracy" links that either don't work, or are ignored, the roaches will frolic.

Book dupes have gone from $7.99 to $5.00 to $3.95 and even to $2.00 or "best offer accepted." The Russians, the redneck Southerners, and the Sri Lanka cruds are very happy. They got SOMETHING for NOTHING. The authors get NOTHING.

The message of apathy sent by the RIAA was received loud and clear by the bootleggers. When was the last time Steve Miller put out a record? Or Kiss? What do the Beach Boys do besides re-issue old shit and tour? Record stores don't exist. Mid-level artists can't get any deal and young performers must self-publish.

You'd think the literate publishing world would learn from this example.

No. There's not even an RIAA-type organization out there. The "big" publishers have a "report piracy" link buried on their websites somewhere, and the job is farmed out to a Web Sheriff or Grayzone-type organization that apparently is told to ONLY process complaints on certain authors. Or do nothing at all.

That leaves it up to a few authors to complain on their own, usually authors who are only at the mid-level of fame, and whose stoppages don't keep a bootlegger from making a profit.

Granite-faced cretin James Patterson (who doesn't even write his own books) and chubby slob E.L. James and dumbass lawyers at Penthouse and Playboy and other magazines all seem to shrug as if filing a DMCA is too much trouble. It's especially ridiculous that they have that attitude on eBay, where sellers DO get suspended and it's not "whack-a-mole."

"Hmm," says that $400 an hour Playboy lawyer, "Hef is paying me a fortune, but he's not paying me to waste $400 filing on a few idiots selling $1.25 downloads. And I sure as hell won't let an intern do it free. So, let's allow the abuse and give the roaches something to eat."

Right, who doesn't love to have ROACHES around?