Lord 'ELP Us, Da Fans Did In Emer, Son

They don't call it the DAILY "FAIL" for nothing.

Somehow, the spin over there is...THE FANS killed Keith Emerson.

They couldn't come up with anything better or more sensational? Jeez. One thing you NEVER do is blame THE FANS. Remember, without THE FANS, no asses are in the seats. And people do not kill themselves over BAD COMMENTS. Sad to say.

Blimey, the Yorkshireman did hisself in, 'cause the Lord couldn't 'elp him deal with them bloody fans, yes?

No. It's preposterous. If it were true Wakeman would've died years ago.

That his live-in geisha-twat would babble this kind of shit to the media, O no!

Later on in the piece, accompanying a recent picture of a bloated, boring-looking Mr. Emerson, Greg Lake offers the real story.

Yes, the guy was depressed and in declining health. Why the fuck the FAIL had to pretend that this clown was surfing Twatter and Farcebook and going into agonies over what his dumbass aging fans were saying...that's crass and moronic even by the FAIL's sub-standards.

Even Shauna Cuntwell and Barren Cock don't let trolls interfere, so even a depressed guy who turned 70 isn't likely to go kill himself over some words on the Net. He lived through many years of bad reviews from the rock press, didn't he?

Yes, this idiot band was really a "you hadda be there" act, with headbangers loving the volume and the stupid stunts and tantrums. I can understand being entertained by a group whose music actually sucks. After all, I saw KISS at Madison Square Garden.

But ultimately, the proof is in the vinyl. The Who broke guitars and were assholes on stage but they had a few (very few) good songs in their catalog, and you can't blame pinheads for loving something as absurd and disgusting as "Tommy." Elton John could be idiotic with his costumes and piano-calisthenics, but the albums he was making had good music on them. In fact it was a shock that a guy who made good records was touring like a homosexual circus clown's worst nightmare.

Ian Anderson could be an incredible moron hopping around the stage to the delight of retards, but a few of his songs were worth hearing even without seeing him. And then there's Boko Haram, who were stagnant in live performance, great on vinyl, and unfortunately ended up going berserk and killing blacks in Nigeria. So far, Mr. Grooker is quoted as saying, "We did it because we were depressed, and I saw some Photoshop stuff on me that I didn't find very funny. So we turned homicidal." He adds, "What do you expect me to do, kill myself? I'm not that shitty a keyboardist, for a start. Second, I'm too cheap to waste a bullet."