Go Fund Me, Go Burp Me, Go Wipe Me...$$$ for 000

I'm seeing so many reports about beg-sites like Kickstarter and GoFundMe, it does seem that what's "trending" in the world is...BEGGING.

There was once a very simple separation line. People got paid. Or not. You said: "I'm a poet...a singer...a musician...a writer..." and proved it by showing off a book or a CD somebody PAID you to publish.

The B-listers self-published and everyone knew it: book from Vantage Press or album from CD Baby. The artist was admitting, "At the moment, nobody knows who I am, but at least I'm selling some of this via my gigs or my website. I have enough faith in myself to put MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS."

Now? "GO FUND ME! I won't even pay for my own publication! YOU do it!"

I guess students in school are being taught, "Network on Facebook. Get 4,000 "friends" by agreeing with idiots and admiring their stupid family snapshots and shit. Then, either act like a sad babe in the woods, or be "Uber Kewl," and point to your "give me money" campaign. You'd be surprised how easy it an be to get people to pay your bills or indulge your egotistic, incompetent CD, book or YouTube project.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, it's crossed my mind to cross this line.

But then I look at what kind of pathetic company I'd be keeping. Here's your typical obscure singer-songwriter who is telling you that he needs $10,000 to make an album (in this age of ProTools and CDR's). Hey, you can get a package deal for a hundred shrink-wrapped CDs (with booklet and tray art) for about $500. If you can't break even and sell 50 for $10 each, you are sure wasting everyone's money by whinging on GoFundMe!

Jill Sobule pulled something like this via Kickstarter, which goes to show how dire things have gotten. But she didn't go on and on and on with how tough the world is.

Ever heard of THIS wummun?

I actually did. I probably had a CD of hers at one time or other, but aw, po' lady, in these days when EVERYBODY is singing dirty songs, including 17 year-old white girls, it's no wonder she's trying to get herself FUNDED.

She sure has a lot of needs. Too bad she hasn't been getting a lotta donations. Maybe she's coming across as more uppity than humble. People like humble. They like to think they're being generous to somebody truly pathetic and needy.

Of course most of what's on these sites has nothing to do with talent...just pathetic need and/or greed. If you're feeling like throwing some of your money away, just type in a few terms, and you'll find a minefield of really luckless jerks and total con artists trying to play you. Everybody's got an illness. Everybody's got a sob story.

There are people who just take it upon themselves to out-do the Salvation Army or Goodwill, and administer (far from the glare of the Better Business Bureau) their OWN charity organizations.

You know what's sad? When a woman doesn't have enough money to get a new bra for her enormous boobs. A woman with such a problem is anxious to not only fix her own sagging world, but that of other similar blimps.

Gives you ideas, doesn't it? "Hey, give me hundreds of dollars, and I'll go buy knickers for any Nickey that's gone knickerless or had to nick some and risk a jaw-dropping drawer-dropping arrest. Just trust me to spend all the money on the best colors and sizes, and pay myself a fair amount for my travel, expenses and research." By the way, I'd be more inclined to gift some sexy Cilla with a size 7 pair of black-edged Victoria's Secretives than a grotesque Go-rilla who wears a size 12 flour sack from the House of Devente.

Maybe somebody would care to GO FUND my "GO FUND ME IDIOT BOOK," in which I reproduce page after page of the most idiotic GO FUND ME ads!

Oh, I'd do it purely for educational purposes. I'll go all over the world for a worthy cause. Like, I'm deeply concerned with ignorant poor African girls and their bloody twats.

And speaking of bloody twats, we come full circle to highlight one of the MANY success stories out there...$6,000 raised for the utter vanity of some annoying group of no-talent cunts. They'll have a souvenir CD of their forgettable singing, and all the people who donated will have the pleasure of having their dopey names listed in the CD booklet as "patrons." Which is another word for "suckers."