Obese Ugly Stupid Star Gazers Visit D-Listers at a Memorabilia Show

They wanna be star-fuckers. The best they can do is be johns. They don't get to fuck the star, but they pay money to these whores who will give them a chance to STAND NEAR THEM.

No, not even phone sex. Not for a lousy $20 or $40. Not a hand job. But gosh, if you're an ugly obese loser, being able to shake Louise Lasser's hand could make you come in your pants, right?

One of the silliest, stupidest events is the "memorabilia show." Big ones like Comic-Con may attract a few top stars, but there are smaller ones in lesser cities. These inevitably feature D-listers, washed up rock singers with a hit or two in the 80's, stars of obscure 60's TV shows, and a few sorry, down on their luck performers who should have better things to do.

Last weekend was "Chiller," a convention in a smelly swamp in New Jersey. The place is not even accessible by fucking bus or train. You need to pay for a cab to take you from the station, so the event mostly attracts local yokels who are used to driving to malls for their lousy food and bad clothes and the rest of their dubious kicks.

The drill at these events is paying $20 or more at the door, JUST for the privilege of being able to buy garbage, bootlegs, posters, and "action figures" and other clutter. The bonus is a few rooms full of tables and "celebrities" who will sign a photo for $20 or $40, and in most cases, charge a quick $20 to get up and stand with you for a photo op.

Who in their right mind would pay an obscure star to have a photo taken? Someone with low esteem, obviously. But the tricky psychology here, is that Joe Obese Jerk gets the upper hand, so he thinks. HE has the money, and the star doesn't.

Like the trick and the whore, each think they're getting the better of the deal. The Star Worshipper: "She smiled at me! She was grateful to get my money!" The star: "Hey, all I did was stand with this guy and I got $20. I'm still famous and desirable, right?"

As Groucho used to say, you don't want to join a club that would have you as a member, so seeing stars whore themselves for any idiot with a sweaty $20 bill is kind of repulsive. You have to be delusional and have a lot of moronic friends to want to show off a photo-op or an autograph you PAID FOR.

And when you see the kind of ridiculous fools who show up with their starry-eyed pasty faces, or worse, their raised eyebrow smirks as if the star paid THEM for the photo op, you really question why you're standing around and don't have a barf bag handy. Which is why I haven't been to one of these in ten years...and when I did, it was because I was covering the event as a reporter. Back then, the shows were novelties and there were dozens o big stars. This year? Only Ann-Margret. She controlled the action and the hefty price, and rather than pose at her table, she insisted on good lighting and a special "booth" and a pro photographer.

Talk about "mugging" for the camera? Fatty was mugging every woman he could find, grabbing a feel, making a face.

Guys like him go from table to table, throwing down their money because, as they prove by their obesity, it's QUANTITY not QUALITY. Who is this idiot who looks like Jim Belushi?? It's Richard Karn, who was a co-star in some sitcom nobody with a brain would ever have watched. And now he's a nobody grinning at taking $20 off an even more ridiculous nobody.

After "Chiller," these pathetic "fans" rush to FARCEBOOK or their BLOGS to show off their prizes. Some have blogs with headers like, "Jerkoff's Celebrity Sightings" or "Pathetic Willie's STAR ENCOUNTERS." Or "A GALLERY OF MY STAR FRIENDS!" Yeah. Or they show up on FARCEBOOK with their brags of how they drove to a stupid convention and paid people to be nice to them.

Don't they realize that they are posing with people who care NOTHING about them? That literally hundreds of people have used that same star for a photo op?

This dope had an entire blog page loaded with his proud pictures of his ugly grinning self and D-listers like this...

He was an exception...ugly but thin. Usually, it's ugly AND FAT.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, it was sad venerable actor Rip Torn was among the dross, and making himself seem on the same level as some guy who was in a Roger Corman horror film in 1958 and nothing much since. And Ann-Margret trying to, what, build up her audience for some Vegas show? As in, "If I sign or pose with a thousand New Jersey idiots, I'll make $20,000 AND a few might come see me when they take their annual Vegas vacation..."

A big star is not likely to be around all day. You can bet Ann made sure the sweaty obese guys had to stand in line for hours, and feel grateful for paying a premium price to "get" her.

To be fair, some "stars" do look forward to this rare chance to make some money and be recognized, even if they have to put up a bunch of movie posters and wear a name tag to do it. Heard of Dick Miller? Would you recognize him now if he wasn't at a table with stills of him in his prime? Or the guy from "Mod Squad" or "Time Tunnel?" Yes, the lady who was in both "Time Tunnel" and "Barnaby Jones" and an episode of "Star Trek" was validated by $20 or $25 per photo, but I didn't notice any blogs in which she posed next to some horribly obese cretin. Then again, after a few glances at such blogs, I had to stop looking.

More odds and ends.