Richard Littlejohn - Little Dick, Little Wit, Little Reason Not to Punch His Face

I have no idea who this "Richard Littlejohn" egomaniac is.

I do know that it doesn't take much to have a column in the London Daily Fail. Maybe his main job in checking the acidity of Piers Morgan's semen.

He and his brain-damaged staff of syphilletic stoats seem to think it's "clever" to go through Don McLean's "American Pie" line by line and...is this supposed to be funny?

We can stop now. It is not going to get better. Referencing Benny Hill? Really?

"Satire" is when something doesn't make you laugh. Only this isn't even "satire." Dog shit doesn't make anyone laugh either, although it might be funny if somebody slammed a pile in Littlejohn's gob.

Why this arse decided to be windy about "American Pie" is some kind of jealousy. After all, a Littlejohn manuscript is never going to sell for a few pence. Don's original version of "American Pie" sold at auction a few days ago for over a million dollars.

I have no idea what idiot bought it, but it's obviously somebody with disposable income and/or a great desire to make sure McLean never has to go to GoFundMe for a CD project. Yes, Don held on to his manuscript and HE is getting the big percentage here.

I doubt anyone, at this point, cares about the finer points of symbolism in "American Pie." Few would even care much that the song sold for an astronomical sum. "Pop culture" is big business. Which is why the Daily Fail spends most of its time squealing and giggling about it.

Everyone knows the song was a catchy-if-snarky look back at how good rock was before assholes like McLean took it over. I mean, isn't that what he's saying? The music died when a plane crash ended the stupid rockabilly shit of Buddy Holly, the greasy diarrhea of Richie Valens ("La Bamba") and the dopey redneck creepy-humor of The Big Bopper. To him, THIS was "THE MUSIC." After that? Things sort of seemed like they might be ok, but ewww, Dylan was just a jester, and Jagger was a devil. Or was that Liz King? Don't ask Littlejohn, he somehow thinks of Benny Hill and McLean in the same fart-like breath.

Even late 60's music failed to amuse poor Don. 70's music like his, wasn't amusing too many either. At least, not for long. Consider that the "best" of McLean could fit one one side of a vinyl album...WITHOUT such junk as "Dreidel" and "Wonderful Baby."

McLean didn't exactly fulfill the promise of being the next Phil Ochs ("Prime Time" and "Andrew McCrew" seemed like he might). Like most of his contemporaries, he just got older, fatter, more irrelevant, and prone to strange things like an ode to Eisenhower (a fairly useless old President who luckily presided over a slow period in American misery).

At 69, the guy lived to see a fucking manuscript...actually just the written out lyrics to ONE song...get a million bucks. That it was for "American Pie" and not "Wonderful Baby" is also good news. So good for him. Hopefully he doesn't surf the Net and won't be reading Small Winkle's ridiculous and obvious analysis of what remains one of the most famous rock songs of all time. On time alone ("MacArthur Park" got there first, of course, in trying the patience of radio listeners) this was quite an achievement.

Richard Littlejohn probably hasn't yet achieved his professional or personal goals in life yet: getting buggered by David Walliams or modeling suspender belts for Graham Norton. What I'd like to see on YouTube is this guy with a dozen tubes running out of his nose, ears, mouth, dickhole and asshole, and in a quivering voice, his sorrowful quote from "American Pie," that line..."this'll be the day that I die."