Sam Smith: "I Feel Sorry for Knickerless Nick"

The latest news from Dr. Feelbad himself, the gay puppy Sam Smith, is that he is thinking of covering a song by "Knickerless Nick."

A fellow in great pain, Nick can't afford underpants. Sure, nick might nick some knickers, but his dick is so small they'd give him no support. Sam Smith, a similar misfit, who at least can afford briefs at Victoria's Secret, saw Nick groaning a song or two on YouTube and thought, "He leaves a certain after-taste in my mouth, like semen mixed with anus grease."

With better guitar playing, singing, and production, all things Sam Smith can do, it's possible that "The Ballad of Knickerless Nick" will become a hit.

Then again, probably not.

The Ballad of Knickerless Nick and his Sick Little Dick

Don't snicker or pick on old Knickerless Nick,
I don't need no knickers, my prick barely flicks
It's nubby and small
It don't dangle, it ticks
Like the hands on a Mickey Mouse watch, watch it click!

I'm adult but my crotch looks a bit like a chick's
And my ticklish rig's more a clit or a wick
I doubt that a mouse
could enjoy a good lick
on my sick trickling dick that's as small as a tic

So I sing a sad song and the lyric predicts
That I'll never get laid with this thin twiggish stick
Like a small chicken bone
when I strip, it depicts
a needle a Junkie would use for a fix

I sing songs on YouTube that few people pick
They can't stand the mumbles from Knickerless Nick
I sound like a Dik-Dik
that's choked on cake mix
My high voice? My balls are two pebbles of Trix

Oh haul my fat carcass on down to the Styx
Let six undertakers stand sad and transfixed
On my tiny dead todger
which sure isn't thick
Which is why I've no undies! I'm Knickerless Nick!