Turn Me On, Dead Brains : Yet Another Awful Beatles "TRIBUTE"

They just can't help themselves.

Like the media covering the Kardashians and the Jenners, hack idiots can't help soiling The Beatles catalog.

Christ, how many awful "superstar" collections have there already been? George Martin was even tempted to do one. And now, out of nowhere...

April 28th is the release date. That mean anything?

No, there's not even a fucking EXCUSE of an ANNIVERSARY. Like a rhino with diarrhea, it just thunders out.

Has somebody forgotten THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ALBUMS ANYMORE?

Producers used to snicker and say, "Hey, all we need is ONE intriguing cover version, and the suckers HAVE to buy the whole thing."

No more. Assuming dead Jack Bruce gave his last gasp to making "Eleanor Rigby" worthy of going to her grave yet again, we can get it on iTunes and ignore such utter SHIT as K.C. and the Sunshine Band's "Let It Be," retarded Leo Sayer's fucked up "Hey Jude," or hopeless Helen Reddy's "All You Need is Love," which she'll handle with all the subtlety of "I Am Woman HEAR ME ROAR."

Jesus, they call this awful album "Keep Calm and Salute the Beatles." Who can keep calm when almost every track is such a slap in the face?

There's no theme here. These are not all has-beens of the same era. David Clayton-Pest stopped spinning his fucking wheel years ago. Who needs to hear him, of all people, bawling the ballad "Yesterday?" Martha Davis of The Motels? That was a good decade after Blood Sweat and Turds. So what's she here for, and why "Nowhere Man," which is nowhere near her pouty, sultry specialty of erotic aches and pains?

Names I thought I'd NEVER have to hear again...are here again. Andrew Gold? The dollar bin terror? Ann Wilson...now remind me, is that the pointless blond in Heart, the now-obese brunette from Heart, one of retarded Brian's daughters, or a hemorrhoid removed from Rebel Wilson's asshole? Nevermind. And Stephen Bishop! "All I've Got To Do" is think of that wimp's name and it makes me sick.

What else do we have to look forward to? Thank Christ, Letterman is going off the air, so Todd Rundgren, he of the oh-so-hip freakish white and black dyed hair, can't call in a favor and sing his version of "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away." And...Felix Cavaliere...I thought he was dead. Or am I thinking of Felix Pappalardi? Or Felix Unger? Which rotten band was which Felix in? There comes a point where 60's nostalgia is just 60's brain farts, and these old farts ain't helping.

This is just about the worst news of the week...a week which has included several kicks in the mental balls. One o them is the two hour Diane Sawyer interview with media whore (he was a media pimp but he's getting a sex change) Bruce Jenner. Another is the arrival in area drug stores of "BUY YOUR RED NOSE" posters...promoting yet another annoying, zany, pushy, obnoxious "ALL STAR CHARITY" pest-fest. Right, rich celebrities telling you and me to give money to THEIR favorite charity, with most of it going into the pockets of the snots and twats who "administrate" it all.

Howard Jones sings "And I Love Her." AND I HATE THIS.