Tom Hanks has a retarded, pathetic "rapper" son called "Chet Haze" who threatens Howard Stern

Don't you feel badly for EVER buying a ticket to a Tom Hanks movie?

Some of the money has apparently fueled Tommy's incredibly spoiled and inane son "Chet."

"Chet" is the hipster nickname for "Chester." I know. Either way, it's still a retarded first name.

But you can't blame mental retardation for "I am Going to Hurt You," which is a threat of violence that can, and SHOULD get police attention. You don't write that kind of shit, even to goad Howard Stern.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I didn't know Hanks even had a son. The big rumor is that Tom's gay and his talent-challenged wife (Rita Wilson, noted for cover versions of very sappy MOR pop songs) is just his beard.

So, great, Tom isn't gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). Who doesn't like Tom? He's a good actor and he's always been well-prepared and very funny on Letterman's show. Hanks is probably one of Dave's favorite guests, and for good reason. (He also coined the comically annoying "Team Coco" for fans of Conan O'Brien). But jeez, it's sad that THanks to some quirk of mutant sperm and deviled egg, Tom's son is such an incredible loser.

How much of a loser? So much of a loser even Howard Stern feels sorry for him, and won't stoke a feud.

Let's stop for a moment.

On the left, a photo of someone who could a) machine-gun a movie theater audience in Denver, or b) commit suicide by flying a plane loaded with Germans into a mountain. Oh yes, c) could shoot Gabby Giffords in the head.

Really, is "Chet" intentionally looking like a homicidal crazy fuck? Or IS he one?

When you look crazy even compared to Eminem, something is wrong.

"Chet" wasn't able to get a response out of Stern, so he kept at it, squeaking like the white hamster he is, and loading up on White Boy cursing. Very few things on Earth are as ridiculous as a white dude trying to threaten by talking BLACK.

What a puff of farts this kid is: "Come catch this fade...let me come up on your show bitch."

This is a guy who could get bitch-slapped by Mrs. Mayor DeBlasio. Or her daughter. This punk could be pitied if, aside from his lame attempt at talkin' trash, he wasn't writing the kind of psycho-babble of violence that requires a retraining order. If not a quick 30 days in the mental ward.

After his idiotic showing off, he began making threats that could get him locked up: "I am going to assault you when I see you...I am going to hurt you." Read for yourself.

Imagine David Duchovny, pitching his voice into intentional falsetto: "Crazy MUTHA-FUCKAAAAAAAA!"

Howard Stern is 61 now, and has mellowed to the point where he's a fucking "America's Got Talent" judge who even takes some of the contestants seriously. Piers Morgan he's not. Howard rarely insults even amateurs who deserve it. Which would include inept white people who rap, like "Chet."

That "Chet" would continue such a long, embarrassing stream of threats that could seriously land him in police custody, only proves that Howard doesn't need a dog and pony show with this piece of chihuahua shit.

Either the man is a true mental case, or he's the worst kind of media whore time-waster. Either way, he's someone to be avoided, like a homeless man covered in puke threatening to hit you with a VHS copy of "Turner and Hooch."

"I Am Going To Hurt You," says the scion of Tom Hanks. Time for the white jacket and the rubber room.

So one of Stern's gang made fun of privileged pampered pussy-boy "Chet Haze." Not only couldn't this punk handle it, but he's made it even worse. Even his friends are asking him to stop being such a douche bag on Twitter. So? So he goes on INSTAGRAM with THIS:

"PEOPLE STAY TELLING ME CHILL!!! YOURE TOM HANKS SON!!! DONT BE AN EMBARRASSMENT!!! WELL GUESS WHAT... ITS MY OWN CHOICE TO NOT GIVE A FUCK... IF MY OWN PARENTS CANT MOTIVATE ME TO BITE MY TONGUE WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN???"

Poor Tom. Here he is, inventing typewriter noises (an app that will make your keyboard sound like a vintage IBM Selectric) and his son is making insane noises. Tom has had a great career and is adept at comedy and tragedy, and his moronic son is just a terribly tragic example of a laughable failure.

Too bad "Chet" can't call this a fa-fa-Fooey Fool's Day gag. He seems to be fa-fa-fucked UP.