Bill's not yet in the black

Bill Hoobastank's Gurgle label has yet to make money.

This problem has led him to temporarily put a hold on the new one from our pal Johnny.

"He sings in blackface," Bill admits. "Johnny actually saw Jolson on stage in the 30's, and this is meant as a tribute. After all, if drag queens can impersonate women these days, why shouldn't white men be able to impersonate blacks? Especially someone named Dark?"

The photo was done by Cilla Blackledge, with Johnny actually perched on Cilla's black ledge.

As for the music, Johnny performs with just his hypnotizing voice and no organ.

Gurgles Bill: "I'm not sure he has a working organ. Anyhoo, when you hear him hit the notes on "Swanee River," you almost feel like you're drowning. When he sings "Doo Dah, Doo Dah," it's so realistic and pungent you'll have to check the back of your pants to see if you farted. And when he sings, "I'm tired of living and scared of dying," you'll feel the same way."

And yet, he still hasn't signed the contract for the release. "I've been engaged in a debate about music with some cunt named Saskia," he admits, "and my brain feels like a fried egg. I'm not sure whether music should be free, whether to give out albums as a bonus for ticket buyers, or whether to stop istening to that pasty-faced Bristol bint and just bugger her bunghole till she hits a note only dogs can hear.

How would he know if she hit that note? "Easy. Muffin will come running, dragging her owner Lardy Robin behind her. He'll happily buy everything Saskia's done, because none of it has charted."

Interrupts Barry Gooker, "I've sung a few lines of "Old Black Joe" in concert many times. I've never considered it to be something offensive or obnoxious. In fact, I don't think I ever do ANYTHING that's offensive or obnoxious. If you don't agree I'll put a hit on you, my Nigga."