Knickerless Pain Offers to do a Concert for DUTERTE

"It's time for my song "FUCK OFF OBAMA" to go viral," says Knickerless Pain. "The last thing I was involved with that went viral was an infection in my anus. I had to coat my thumb with toothpaste and stick an aspirin on the end of it, and keep it up my arse for a week. This seriously impacted on my guitar playing! It made me sound better!

"I see by the headlines today that my song could become a big hit in the Fill-a-Penis. I hope to meet with President Do Dirty!"

Knickerless was reminded that the man's name is Duterte, and he is president of the Philippines. Knickerless wasn't listening; he was too busy thunking two chords over and over with the nonchalant coolness of a masturbating gorilla. He then began to bellow, "Fuck Off OBAMA," with even less charisma than he did on the GooTube video he shot with the lights off in a neighbor's loo.

Knickerless saw the DAILY SNOOZE piece that insinuated that President Duterte said "Fuck You Obama" and called Obama a "son of a bitch."

Duterte did neither, but newspapers today can spin things any way they want.

Bam-Bam the Bummer likes to pick on easy targets. Putin murders thousands of innocent people, but that's ok. The leaders of slanty nations like North Korea and China can likewise murder innocent people and so can insane tribes in Africa, where Bam-Bam's Daddy came from.

Bam-Bam the Bummer has famously dismissed Isis as just a minority of silly rebels who ride around in dirty old trucks. He's spent more time defending a moronic black football player for NOT standing during the National Anthem.

But back to Duterte. The man IS a dictator, but what the fuck else is he gonna do about a country seething with drug dealers? He's had his goons shoot down 2,000 and imprison plenty more.

The uncomfortable truth is that not every country is like the USA and UK, and can afford to throw money around and give welfare to criminals and thugs so that they'll behave.

The Philippines is a sweltering ghetto of shanties and sub-humans, and has limited resources for feeding and housing useless killers and thugs. Bam-Bam COULD declare that he'll take all the drug dealers (the way Jimmy Carter had Castro open Cuban jails) but he just hasn't thought of it yet, being to busy grinning over 10,000 Syrians steaming in without vetting.

But back to Knickerless Pain:

"This is my big chance. I can imagine going into dark nightclubs where you can hardly see my gorilla-like big dumb face, and where it's so sweltering and stinky nobody's offended by my matted foul long hair. To a smattering of applause and a spattering of vomit, I'll bang out my hit: "FUCK OFF OBAMA."

The Daily Snooze pretends Duterte called Obama a "Son of a Bitch." Actually, he said "Son of a Bitch" in his native language, as a general expletive, like "Sapristi." He didn't say it about Obama, and wouldn't say it TO Obama.

The rival POST has also seized on the remark, but translates it differently. THEY say that Duterte didn't call Obama a "Son of a Bitch," but called him a "Son of a Whore."

Meanwhile the USA forgets that Bam-Bam is a lame duck, has done very little to solve the ISIS problem, has allowed a lot of blacks to riot, and hasn't slowed Russia, North Korea or China from world domination.

Knickerless shouts: "Let ME sing it to Obama! I'd show up at a gala dinner wearing my slobby t-shirt and jeans, pounding my simian fist against my guitar and shouting "FUCK OFF OBAMA," till he listened to me and fucked off!

A call to the embassy got this response: "We have never heard of Knickerless Pain, but he sounds like he would fit in. Here, it's too hot to wear knickers. And most everyone is in pain. We will be most happy to allow him to fly here, all expenses paid by him, and allow him to play (as long as he pays a fee, and brings along ten people who will pay an admission price and the two drink minimum.) Also, let him know that if we think he sounds like he's on drugs, we'll dump him into a vat of raw sewage."

"A vat of raw sewage," mused Knickerless. "I haven't had a bath in so long! What an opportunity!"