Hi, Noone!

Gee, what a fucking delight! Let's go back in time and listen to Peter Noone, and Gary Lewis and, for some reason the hippie-dippie Grass Roots.

Oh. Don't want to? What if we sweeten the pot, and discount your ticket?

You get to sit in one of the cheap seats (where you'd need to ZOOM your camcorder to record everything and upload it to GooTube). $63 ticket for $40. With maybe tax and a handling fee or something added.

It seems that more and more, moronic shows are relying on Groupon and other "paper the house" companies to offer discount tickets.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, who the FUCK would want to take a bus to the train to Westbury, CT to see this shit?

Westbury is an affluent suburb that USED to have the "Westbury Music Fair," a barn-like theater that mostly staged "straw hat trail" shows. In the summer, D-list actors and actresses would revive "Damn Yankees" and "My Fair Lady" and other surefire shows, and the tourists would have a jolly time.

TV co-stars, out of work for the summer, guys like Tim Conway and Harvey Korman of "The Carol Burnett Show," would appear in "The Odd Couple." Ticket prices were reasonable and it was a chance to see "stars" and a famous play.

Only, by the 90's they ran out of any kind of trained performers. Tastes changed, and so did the economy. Add some marauding niggas from slummy Bridgeport or cruddy New Haven ready to rob or rape anyone getting off the train, and Westbury was no longer doing such great business.

The venue changed the name. They still struggle to book nostalgia acts in the theater, making do with such horribles as Boko Harum, who play to a half-filled audience on a ridiculous revolving stage. And THIS?

Replacing such dead former attractions as Eydie Gorme and Joan Rivers is a 4-for-the-price-of-1 show with people who had one or two hits? You sing along to the two Gary Lewis hits and marvel at how good or bad he looks at 70 or whatever he is, and then what? He's STILL on the fucking stage? Same thing with The Grass Roots. Anyone care about the fucking Box Tops???

Peter, to be fair, is still a lovable showman, has good energy, and will have everyone singing along to being "Henry the 8th." He had enough hits to last at least a half hour or more, BUT...after one or two songs who cares? The mind will wander. The watch will be glanced at. And if you didn't arrive by car, you'll be thinking, "Do I get a cab to the train NOW? Let me check that schedule," because it's not difficult to get STUCK out there and have to pay a huge price to have a cab take you toward a more active bus or train station.

Having a good time, fun seekers? Make sure you keep your eyes fixed on the stage, because it might be depressing looking around at the blobs, morons, geezers and gruesomes who are all around you. And some are staring figuring which category YOU fit into.