Statues of Limitations

WHAT the fuck century is this?

It seems like the need for graven images and statues is stronger than ever.

Thanks to some GoFUNDMe bullshit or other, $23,000 was raised for THIS ugly thing:

Retarded drug addicts can now go hobble over to this shrine for...LEMMY.

Oooh, THE GREAT GOD LEMMY.

Like the Huelbig nitwits who like to visit graveyards and take their photos next to tombstones, empty-skulls can pretend they've met LEMMY because they've seen a statue of him.

The point of this? A photo isn't good enough? Of an ugly headbanging brain-dead heavy metal jackass?

Is this even accurate? There seems to be a few less warts on his fucked-up face.

It's certainly a strange thing when you come upon a statue of some historical figure. You're walking in a park and there's...well, it's not REALLY Lord Nelson or George Washington. It's a creepy bronze replica about twice the size of a human, and up on a gigantic pedestal. What's it mean? "Gee, he was larger than life!"

For a moment you might have some odd satisfaction: "I've met Lord Nelson!" Then you realize YOU HAVEN'T. Then you think, "Well, I've honored his memory by pausing at his monument." But YOU HAVEN'T. You are looking at a lifeless chunk of metal, one that means less and less over the years, as more and more Millennials and Muslims walk right by thinking, "Lord Nelson means NOTHING to me, and a big statue isn't changing my little mind."

Now that it's the 21st Century and there ARE NO GREAT MEN, idiots have to make statues to rock stars.

Far more worthy than Lemmy, but still not really worth a statue, is THIS guy.

Anyone recognize him?

ANYONE?

Don't all shout his name at once.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, he looks like any boring jerk to me. And what's he holding onto a pole for? Is he high, man?

Yes, aside from the great LEMMY, yet another rocker was immortalized recently. It's Glenn Frey, although you could as easily have thought it was most any member of the Eagles, Poco, Burrito Brothers, etc.

It's a sad thing that Glenn is gone, but The Eagles weren't THAT important. They AREN'T that important. They sang a few easy listening pop tunes ("Life in the Fast Lane" for one), and that ooky-spooky mysterious "Hotel California." So? They were millionaires. They got Grammy awards. A fucking statue, especially such a lame one, is pretty pointless.

Even more lame is that a lot of idiotic Decidr Pretendr Gawkr Huffy-puffy news-stealing websites got it wrong, and posted THIS picture saying it was Glenn:

So, who is THIS guy? He's "standing on the corner of Winslow, Arizona" (as if Winslow is so small it only has a square foot??)

Then this tourist attraction MUST be either Jackson Browne or Glenn Frey, the writers of "Take it Easy." Guess again.

No. You're wrong.

This is a statue of NOBODY, just some jerk standing on the corner of WInslow, Arizona. It's actually the sculptor's son. But when reports came out that there was a statue of Glenn Frey and it was in Winslow...yeah, it HAD to be THIS one. Proofreading and fact-checking is no longer a priority.

Why put up statues of people so ordinary, and of such limited contributions to life in general, that you can't even recognize who the fuck they are?

Meanwhile in Ireland, a sculptor is planning on a nude of a blonde with a flat chest and big eyes sitting on her toilet, shaving her twat. Why, it could rival the Manneken Pis, that tourist attraction in Brussels. At least so they hope. "We're hoping to raise $25,000 on Kickstarter," says Shauna, "but we can't start until I become at LEAST as famous as Lemmy or Glenn Frey."

Don't hold your breath, Cuntwell.