"I haven't sold a million copies on iTunes yet. I was told by a kind blogger, "You idiot twat, rap is big. Black is what sells. You need soul. Stop being a dumb, pale Irish chipmunk. Nicky Minaj is the future!" And he was right.
"So I spent all day under the sun lamp. I went in for lip-collagen, injecting fat from Bill Hoobastank's belly. And I had Darren Cock transplant his flat nose onto mine."
"Guyssss! Waddya think?!?!? I'm a work in progress. PS, I've also changed my name to make it more black and cool.
"Call me SHAUNUFF!" [Note to the Whitney Museum of Art: this is NOT a painting by Andy Warhol, and you can NOT have it. No, wait a minute. It IS a painting by Andy Warhol, and I'll sell it to you for five million bucks. I'll sign the usual caveat for you: I own copyright, I say it's by Warhol, it is sold no questions asked, I am authorized to accept money for this, and please add another million for my Paypal tip jar.]
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