"This Useless Illegal Shit You Bought From Us on EBAY has VALUE!!!"

Want a photo of a celebrity? Google and download. Wanna print out? Print it out.

You can usually click "larger image" on any eBay auction and also get a nice copy of ANY photo.

None of this shit is worth a penny.

How about THIS?

An autographed photo. Oh boy. And only 7.95? AND BUY IT NOW??

Oh. It's a "REPRINT." Nothing but a shitty dupe, knocked off on a printer. Very few weasels spend the money to make real photos in a lab.

Uh, that's not legal. Ebay says so. You can't DUPE autographed photos and sell them...unless you have the celeb's permission. (Only, heh heh, you don't need to say "I GOT PERMISSION" in your ad, or show a signed contract. It's up to the celeb to file a complaint).

But wait...you DON'T even get a print!

Here's the fine print.

WHAT THE FUCK?

This incredibly obnoxious PIECE OF SHIT is going to e-mail the JPG to you? THAT is what you get for $7.95? And YOU have to print it out yourself??

Here's a USELESS piece of paper YOU printed out and this con-artist tells you it will "value will likely increase."

How smug can a con artist maggot get?

Want to guess how many autographed photos this PIECE OF SHIT posted? 512.

There's a link on each auction: "Report this item." It takes about 30 seconds, if you're fast, to get to the seller's next item, click the link, pull down THREE different menus, and send the complaint.

That's what....250 minutes. That's FOUR FUCKING HOURS.

Ebay has only one other alternative. Call them. If you're lucky, you actually get through in under 2 minutes (but it could be 5 or 10). Then you encounter someone who sounds foreign, or twelve years old, or both.

You explain the problem and get a polite, "I do not understand."

If you're smart, you will have used "report this item" to get a few items stopped. THEN you can tell this foggy employee, "Check the seller's account. Do you see where the seller has been stopped for offering download or e-mail items, which is against the rules? Would you now stop all the auctions rather than force someone to report each one individually?"

"What?"

You explain again. You patiently quote from an eBay page what the rule is (that this employee doesn't know). Then you get, "Let me investigate this further, please hold," while your "expert" goes off to talk to somebody else in the office. If you're lucky, 5 minutes of this, and you'll hear, "Yes, this seller is definitely in violation of eBay rules. The appropriate action will be taken, but I can't tell you what that is. It will be within the next 24 to 72 hours."

No wonder most people don't even bother reporting anything. Let the sucker spend $7.95 for nothing, right? And let an absolute parasitic scumbag take that money and have a fine, fine lunch. Chomp Chomp Chomp.