9/11 means - Muslim Misery and the return of awful ALICE COOPER

Why am I not thrilled about what 9/11 will bring this year?

Oh here's a familiar happy face...

But wait a minute, Schmacca, you're second.

First off, as always, there will be a miserable ceremony at "ground zero" in which various tearful relatives of the dead will get up and be part of the "Reading of the Names."

Each person gets to read 10 or 20 names, including the one of their loved one. It's a moment in which Muslim bastards can enjoy just how deep the scar of 9/11 is, and how profound the grief.

I'm not sure if this is televised around the world or not.

If it is, there will be a lot of dancing, an hummus eating and wet burqas in the Middle East looney-lands, as well as portions of the UK, USA and elsewhere, as those names are read, with voices breaking and tears shed.

It's a morning ritual in New York, and there's always plenty of other depressing shit about it on the news all through the day.

This year 9/11 is also the official release date of "HOLLYWOOD VAMPIRES."

Various guest celebs (including the fabulous Paul, the #2 songwriter in the history of rock, according to Jann Wenner's proctologist), will be on that new "HOLLYWOOD VAMPIRES" album.

I liked Alice Cooper. YEARS AGO.

I find his voice about as pleasant now as a backed up toilet drain.

As well I should. His voice really only appeals to teenagers who are rebellious and a bit stupid. Or a LOT stupid.

Back in his "School's Out" days, he was a lotta fun, although I was more appreciative of "Ballad of Dwight Fry," in which he sort of sounded like a straining, psychotic "Renfield" of "Dracula" fame. I forget why Alice spelled the name "Fry" not "Frye," and at this point I don't fuckin' care.

I think the last time Alice amused me, it was his song "Workin' Up a Sweat," which I did actually play during gym workouts. It had that deliberate non-rhyme, "Really feeling sick...worst part is explaining all these blisters on my NOSE."

No, it doesn't seem funny now.

I haven't played it in years.

And does the idea of a new Alice Cooper album...his horrible singing...seem like a good idea NOW?

I like that Joe Perry needs to be identified by his group, Aerosmith. Too many assholes named Perry around. And IF I'M BEING HONEST, I have absolutely NO albums by Aerosmith, and I've always loathed that freaky Caitlyn Jenner-looking idiot Jagger hemorrhoid Steven Tyler.

Gee, all your favorite nobodies are now SUPERSTARS, like Robby Krieger and Joe Walsh, and the always stupid-looking shit-head "Slash."

The "teaser" on YouTube shows all these self-indulgent dips having a fine, fine time in the studio (which only they can afford, not any deserving songwriter or band). Paulie has his cans on and is laying down some bass, along with his humongous drummer pal Abe Laboriel Jr. Abe used to play with Mylene Farmer, and maybe still does when she does a limited set of stadium dates in France every other year. Paul is very impressed with how Abe drums just "behind" the beat, even if he often thuds where Ringo played.

Don't you love the "EXCLUSIVE" tour dates? Why, it's like the Ringo ALL-STARR tour, only MORE exclusive and probably even less entertaining. "Come on, dopey jackasses on drugs, and Macca addicts, pay scalper prices to brag about being at one of the FEW shows in America."

Kudos, you oh-so-decadent and groovy HOLLYWOOD VAMPIRES, for choosing fucking Brazil for another date. Brazil is a disgusting, greasy, dangerous, crime-filled decadent country, but you'll just fly in, do your show and your drugs, laugh your asses off, and fly out, and if you hear reports that a few women were raped, and a few people were robbed or even killed, you'll shrug.

Pretender Johnny Depp, idiotic Joe Perry, a bunch of fossilizing hacks like Joe Walsh and Slash...oh yeah, WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE.