Bill Hoobastank at the Dental Convention

Hello again everybody!

I was feeling down in the mouth, so I went to a dental convention! Ha ha, that's a joke! (I just couldn't resist. I also have a Photoshop of "Laura Bush" I'll have to show you sometime, and a picture of Bill Clinton with the caption "Close But No Cigar." I never get tired of THAT!)

Anyhoo...

I was looking for the famous Irish dentist, Phil McCavity, hoping to get a photo with him.

Sad to say, he was only doing x-rays. You can hardly tell it's me, except who else is such a big bonehead?

ANYHOO, here's my great moment! Yes, it's waxy-faced Barbara Eden! People my age just can't get over "I Dream of Jeannie." In fact we go on Ebay and get those fake nudes of her showing her BUSH. Barbara doesn't mind. Or her moron ass-wiper and webmistress doesn't mind. Either way.

ANYHOO HOO-HAH HAH, without any further ADOO!

It's fortunate for me that I arrived on time. Superstars like Eden are in high demand, and on a tight schedule, you know. She was only there for a half hour.

She flashed her dental implants and accepted $50 to stand next to her. Then she was headed to a local gas station to get some more air in her boobs and her grill washed. (Don't ask me what THAT means, I'm really a 65 year-old virgin).

The American Dental Association was so impressed with our photo they asked if they could use it. I was so flattered! I said, "Sure, but please make sure to add it to your Facebook page, and Twitter, and Instagram. The more people who see that I'm standing next to a celebrity, the better!"

And to think, this almost didn't happen. You see, I live 30 miles away from where the ADA convention was held. Small towns, winding roads, limited rails...you know the drill. (Ha ha, dentists...drill!)

I saw that there was no direct train route. I needed a train and then a bus. But the bus never arrives. You have to phone for a cab and get charged almost as much as Eden does for a photo-op. How fortunate for ME that I'm retired with a pension AND social security! I simply drove there.

That's an ironic thing. The government pretends to want ecology, and cleaner air, and "mass transit," but makes sure mass transit is so slow and inefficient you need to own a CAR and buy PETROL constantly. PETROL, you know, comes from the charming Muslims. So why look for alternate sources of energy when you can make hummus-faced psychos rich? That way they can be more arrogant about living in the 15th Century and impressing Allah Ver-Hardy with how many "infidels" they behead!

Well, as you see, everything turned out well. I have not been beheaded. That's all you can hope for in this world, right? And that your dentist merely extracts a tooth or two, and doesn't hold it for ransom, sexually assault you, or say "Anyhoo."

Anyhoo, that's all for now. I sure Hoobastank up that dental convention! You can tell from the expression on my face, I was unloading a LOT of gas!