Career? NO. Macaulay Culkin is DEAD.

Some hoax went viral: "Macaulay Culkin is dead."

Well, no, not physically. But if you're talking about his career? "DEAD" is deadly accurate.

Know what? Nobody cares if Macaulay Culkin is dead or alive.

That's why it took Culkin himself to push this non-news story by doing a photo shoot and ranting about himself on his website.

Most every has-been who ends up the subject of a "death hoax" has a comatose career. That's the point of starting a stupid story. From "hey, is So-and-So still alive" to "hey, So-and-So died" is an easy leap. Especially for those dancing along the dung-flecked roads of social media.

It's usually the D-lister who makes up the fucking rumor in the first place!

FUCK OFF, CULKIN. Take a tip from the news...LIE DOWN and DON'T MOVE.

Why can't this scrawny no-talent just go off somewhere and spend his royalties? As long as he doesn't do so many drugs he can't tell his ass from his mouth (hello, Amanda Bynes) who the fuck cares? That he's still on the lunatic fringe of show biz with some moronic "punk band" that sings about pizza...is a good reason to just beat him to a fucking pulp. (I don't advocate killing!)

Culkin was briefly amusing. Less than two hours. He was an adequate child actor in ONE movie. After that, his bug-eyed one-note presence in films was NO LONGER NEEDED. His trademark "hands to cheeks" look of adorable dismay...was fairly repulsive the second time you saw it.

I think the most annoying thing about this non-news item that Macaulay is not dead, is the way it's been written up.

"Well played..." NO. The jerk poses like he's a corpse? That's not "well played," but journalism today is terminally ill. You've got 20-something witless scum who can only repeat catch-phrases. "Well played" is the catch-phrase of the day. Whether it's walking around in stick-on panties, doing a rotten cover version of a Beatles song, or declaring Andy Kaufman might still be alive, the reaction is always: "Well played!"

These days, my catch-phrase goes back to what was faintly heard at the end of "Strawberry Fields." It was John Lennon saying "I'm...very...BORED."