Geldof and Elton to create "Rotten Peaches" Charity Song

"Rotten Peaches, rotting in the noonday sun..."

So goes a forgotten Elton John classic, and now, forgotten impresario, egomaniac and pest Bob Geldof may be joining forces with Sir Elton to do an "ALL STAR" version of it.

Rumor has it that "Peaches" Geldof died of Ebola. Even if she didn't, well, what the fuck. "Look," said Bob, "there aren't many songs with Peaches in the title. The important thing is for as many inane "celebutards" as possible to get behind a simple song they can memorize. After all, it's for a good cause, a disease caused by bat-shit-eating negroes. Or something like that."

Bob Geldof first produced a song called "Do They Know It's Garbage?"

This was in response to the epidemic of polluted waste matter drifting onto beaches around the world, and if anyone knows about polluted waste matter, it's Bob Geldof. He created his own and named it Peaches. He was going to name her Beaches, but he's so full of P.

But before anyone can scream "bad taste," let's not forget that celebrities also gathered for such formidable pieces of crap as "We Are the Turds." This was done while Michael Jackson was still brown.

"I was just waiting for a new disease to come along," Geldof said. "To make it a charity record JUST in honor of Rotten Peaches, would be a bit tacky, eh? A bit too Simon Cowell? The question was whether to use the same old shitty "Do They Know It's Garbage" song again, try for another even more numbing, or just grab some old tat. Elton actually suggested Dame Judi Stench. I had to remind him,"I said grab some old tat, not old tits." That's when he suggested one of his own songs that was rotting away in his back catalog. Or his anus. Or somewhere or other."

Bob did confide he had another disease in mind: "You know, there's an epidemic of lice in the world. Bed bugs, too. It seems the infestation of insects is all over the place. I think probably the most pernicious is the Midge Ure. So we were going to get all the rock stars who had lice to come in and scratch a tune out for us. But we would've needed a stadium."

The question is which vainglorious self-promoting assholes might want to join in on "Rotten Peaches." Bob says, "We were hoping Roger Waters would stop by, but he thinks Geldof is a Jewish name. We'll probably try for trendy new stars like Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran, before their shelf-life ends next month. Does anyone remember Jake Bugg? Poor guy is still calling up asking if the lice project is still on."

While it's possible some new epidemic or plague might turn up any day now, Bob is confident, "Ebola is the one. First off, it's scary. Secondly, it mostly affects over-breeding black people who are too savage and stupid to look out for themselves. Frankly if the disease only affected Jews we'd all cheer! But hey, we all feel badly for black people. We also feel bad for Muslims, so we invite them to come over and bring all their colorful religious rituals with them. We've just about lost our heads over those wonderful Muslims. Islam is a fine, fine religion."

Some old-time performers have asked if they could join in. Bette Mider even offered to custom-write lyrics and sing them to "Life is Just Ebola Cherries." Said Bob Geldof: "Who the fuck is Bette Midler? We need young white people that can appeal to affluent young white people."

Asked if he'd donate his time to charity, Justa Beeper said, "Fuck you." Viley Virus stuck out her tongue, but that was only to scoop a sticky Life Saver off the sidewalk.

Geldof is hoping that a live concert version of the song might be available on Kickass or Demonoid: "Speaking of the end of the world, our theory is that if you like it, you'll buy it. So we're all going to donate our time and energy so the work can be given away on torrents. We're sure this is the best way it reaches the most people. Spotify has also made us an offer, that for every thousand pounds they make of the song, they will donate half a knicker. Which is all they managed to find when Kacey Musgraves lost hers at the CMA awards."

The official press release states, "It is thought the money raised will go towards the fight against Ebola in West Africa," and in small print: "That's what we think!"