Hipster Fashion Statement Gets an Attack

Nobody likes a "hipster."

A "hipster" is a smirking, self-indulgent asshole who usually wears some kind of beard, and a very dopey hat.

He usually passes for an intellectual the same way a drunk passes gas. Cool, he actually is NOT. But walk around with a beat-up copy of Ferlinghetti or Ginsberg in your back pocket, and you can impress some stupid chick.

Ben Schwartz nearly got himself killed for boppin' around his low-class "nabe" at 4 in the morning with his admiring chickie-poo by his side.

See, he's a "hipster," so he doesn't have much money, lives "slummy," and figures he's too cool to get hassled by anyone. Except, see above first line, NOBODY LIKES A 'HIPSTER.'

Benny Boy forgot something else. Firstly: nobody likes a Jew.

It's trew.

Second, nobody likes a Jew who is too cowardly to date a Jewess, but instead impresses some half-black or half-Asian or whole-Asian (see, Allen, Woody, and Yi, Soon).

You want to be a hipster Jew flexing down the street at 4 in the morning with some hooker-esque ethnic babe on your arm? You really ARE lucky to be alive.

Some angry guy who didn't like Ben's smirk, beard, hat or giddy tart, catcalled her. The remark was probably, "Hey bitch, you can do better." Ben gallantly whined "That's not cool, man, please leave us alone," or some other annoyingly "reasonable" bit of Jewy placation.

Then he got stabbed a few times. But he's ok. And as long as he got his photo in the papers...

He's selflessly telling the world he wants "catcalling" to stop. Not that he can do anything about it except get his ass kicked even worse the next time.

After all, now he's being sanctimonious and pushy, two Jewish traits that people truly loathe.

It's trew.

Just who went after Mr. Reasonable is not known, except to him. It's probably some street clod who can easily say "I didn't do it," and can go wander back to the homeless shelter. I'm not sure of the attacker's ethnicity, but it had to be some guy who wasn't Jewish or a hipster! Benny Boy says this neighborhood guy had harassed him before. Obviously, the guy knows what an asshole Ben Schwartz is.

The cops aren't trying too hard to find the guy, either. After all, all he did was attack a hipster, and probably not with the intent to kill, just poke a few holes in a doughy thing full of hot air. No real harm done. The guy didn't grab Ben's stash of R. Crumb reprints or Simpsons DVDs. He didn't burglarize Ben and take that original pressing of Big Brother & The Holding Company. Ben's bag of gluten-free cookies is intact.

Now let's be real.

Nobody is going to stop catcalling. That's not going to happen unless surveillance cameras are on every street and a law is passed that allows arrogant, mincing bitches parading around lathered in make-up, wiggling their "money makers" to be protected against rude remarks. Or just ordinary women wearing normal clothes, though this is probably less common.

Nothing is also going to stop "hipsters" from getting the beating they deserve. On hat alone. On beard alone. Add the trifecta of being Jewish...BANG!

In this 21st Century of Shite, Jews should know by now, that unless they're Orthodox in-bred maniacs living in an isolated community of fellow maniacs who wave chickens over their heads and abuse yentas in burka-type outfits, they WILL be punched. Kicked. Beaten. If not for trying to be "hipsters," then for simply being Jews. Jews who, it's well known, are almost NEVER armed and unlike Michael Brown, can't look menacing and aren't likely to start a fight or curse a cop.

Come on, look at that photo. Maybe you wouldn't want to catcall that girl he's with. But wouldn't you want to punch the hipster right in the nose?

PS, Mr. Hipster, doing a SELFIE in front of the fucking Ghirardelli factory is damn corny.

(Ghirardelli is a chocolate company that, along with the golden gate bridge and fags being naked in public, is what San Francisco is known for).