Do Better Next Time, Leslie Smith. Have ISIS Decapitate You

Very nice of Leslie Smith to apologize to all of us, with a promise to "do better" next time.

She didn't want her UFC fight stopped, even though her fragile cauliflower ear was broken open like a pinata.

Even after seeing the photos where her ear looks more like a cored onion, she wished the ref had let her continue. After all, the worst that could've happened was that it would've fallen off entirely. Big deal.

Granted, Leslie is not the most attractive woman in the world anyway, and her cauliflower ears are gross, but to have no ear at all?

PS, she was losing the fight. She'd landed a few decent punches but as the announcers said, she was "too slow" to avoid being hit and kicked at a ratio of about 5 to 1. Oddsmakers didn't think she would win, and her opponent was higher ranked than she was.

Maybe folks do want to see her ear get kicked off her skull?

Here's an idea, let "mixed martial arts" include sabers. That can assure the next step: ears being sliced off regularly. Fencing is a sport. So why not allow fighters to be armed with sabers? Decapitate the opponent, and that squat warthog Bruce Buffer can announce, "The Winner, By HKO (HEAD KNOCKED OFF)..."

If you don't know Bruce Buffer, he's the half-brother (and half as tall and half as talented) of Michael Buffer. Michael's smooth signature line is "Let's get ready to rumble." Bruce's signature call is to bawl like a walrus and scream the word "Fighting" as in, "And on my right, FIGHTING out of the blue corner..."

No Bruce, there's no need to FIGHT out of the blue corner, there's nothing in the way. You just walk to the center of the octagon and begin the match. Having to hear this asshole shout "FIGHTING" is a very good reason why I turn the sound down whenever I see his ugly face.

Meanwhile Leslie Smith isn't worriedd the sound will be turned down permanently, and that her cauliflower ears will, as they sometimes do, scar up so much they cover the actual openings into the ear. She's just concerned about doing "better next time."

Well, yes, I've got to admit, she'll be getting better. Getting better all the time.

CAN'T DO NO WORSE.