Kacey Musgraves Ritual: STICK-ON PANTIES

Rolling Stone gave a rave to Kacey Musgraves' first album.

The review ended with: "MORE, PLEASE."

Just HOW much more of Kacey Musgraves, I had no idea, until I saw her on Jimmy Kimmel's show Wednesday night.

She'd won a CMA award earlier in the evening and burbled about how her "stick on panties" came loose so she had to pull them off, and go on with the show, commando.

Kimmel grinned: "Do you know where those panties are now? Steven Tyler has them!"

Kacey acted as if she was embarrassed (good acting). She said "I hope not."

Meanwhile, I turned to my very significant other and asked, "STICK ON PANTIES?"

She had no idea either.

I had to Google this new fashion.

Oh. See, there IS something new under the sun. Or on top of the shaved mons.

OK, it's actually old, if you remember Eve and her fig leaf.

So the deal now is that women are supposed to shave their cunts, and then, to be MODEST, Band-Aid a "stick on panty" so they won't show a trace of, uh, CLEFT?

What goes with this? Oh, sure, stick-on pasties! A fashion statement for sluts:

In Kacey's case, the stick-um on her little fig-leaf thing didn't quite stick. This meant she had to actually be a little...CAREFUL? Maybe tug her skirt down SLIGHTLY? Try not to walk bow-legged?

Girls today aren't showing ENOUGH? Viley Virus routinely lies on the floor of the stage in a one-piece outfit, kicks up her legs, and shows the narrowest slice of fabric covering her slit. Clearly, she's a fuddy-duddy. She should be on stage in just a stick-on panty!

Kacey was worried about "panty lines?" She wouldn't care if the wind blew her skirt up as long as all you saw was a PATCH over her crack? She desperately hates the possibility of an uncool waistband showing? Really?

Girls are wearing clothes SO tight even a thong is TOO much now?

The idea is to press a patch over the crack, have sticky adhesive at the top, and, what, hammock it between the legs, up between the ass cheeks, and then hope the adhesive sticks just above the asshole??

The media is telling girls they have to show just about everything...and modesty is now...a little patch over the snatch! You mean Britney or Lindsay or Paris exiting a limo and showing bare cunt is NOT acceptable?? I guess that was so LAST YEAR.

THIS year, a girl would want to imitate Kacey Musgraves and wear a snatch patch and not just go without panties at all.

It's cuntfusing!

Why the patch? I can't quite put my finger on it.