Happy Bill: "I was the FIRST to get my picture with Wilder!"

"Those Jews," Bill Hoobastank gurgles, "they don't waste time, do they? They bury their dead really fast. In fact, so fast I almost missed my photo opportunity! It was on-and-off rain but it was nice and sunny when my sister snapped this great photo!

"I had to jump into the hedges to get a really good shot where you could see the tombstone clearly, and also get a nice view of other tombstones nearby. Yes, I took pictures next to ALL of them.

"It was hectic to do all of this AND keep my prestigious job as a law company librarian. Fortunately the Labor Day Weekend had most everyone in the office taking off early. Like, TUESDAY! So I was able to get the gravesite Friday morning just as the diggers were finishing up. I only wish I could've been invited to the ceremony. I would've paid $20 to get it in. I'll bet Mel Brooks was there! Don't people understand us fans should be included? WE made Wilder a success, so it's only pay back that we should all be allowed at the funeral. Or at least to view Gene in his coffin and take pictures. I would've gone as high as $50 for a photo of him in his coffin. I'll bet he would've been ok with it, and it's just his awful wife who objected, the one who is no Gilda!"

Bill, of course, was part of the SOLD OUT audience of 7,000 idiots at Radio City Music Hall who were desperate to whoop it up for a screening of "Blazing Saddles," and pretend to find the same scenes funny that they've seen two dozen times.

"We all wanted Mr. Brooks to consider himself another Eric Idle. He should know that things he did ages and ages ago are not only still brilliant, but we can all HOWL with UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER at them even if we have them memorized. The important thing is to fake that giddy hysteria to justify how we paid from $70 minimum to $200 or $300 (scalpers!) just to see that film AND sit and listen to Mel tell the same anecdotes we've heard him tell on talk shows for the past 30 years. Oh, he also told them on a one-man HBO show a year ago.

"We Brooks fans feel it's an obligation to go to these things and SUPPORT him, like the Python fans will go see Cleese and Idle wherever they go, and even as they maliciously grin and make fun of their audience and say "We're only here for the money." With Gene dying, all of us were even more excited to applaud and over-laugh at his scenes. But Christ, the most famous scene is still cowboys eating beans and farting! That NEVER gets old. The crowd erupted when that scene came on. I changed my nappies twice in the aisle, so I wouldn't miss a second by being in the men's room."

Bill was happy to go to Radio City Music Hall and the cemetery (almost the same thing) to take his mind off a confusing state of affairs with his record label. "My sister told me not to sign this ugly blackface creep and his stupid band, and it turned out he was ALREADY signed to my label under another name! How could I not know? He's off the label now, and I'm so torn over who to replace him with, Marty Wilde or Mark Wynter. They both have the initials M.W., same as me: Moronic Wanker. Well, that's my sister's affectionate pet-name for me. I know a fellow named Robin, and his pet name for me is Muffin. I guess he saved Wanker for himself.

"I am SO happy today! You can tell by my jagged-toothed idiot grin. Every time I stand near a tombstone hot turds slither out and I lose control and get the giggles. I'm especially HAPPY that Wilder died, since he refused to come to New Jersey and sit and sign his name over and over. Living well is the best revenge. I get a photo standing next to him after all! Yes, right here with the freshly laid loam and the lawn on top of his six feet of dirt. Ha! Sod's law!"