Sunday, September 4, 2016

Pink Stink

Zzzzz, 'tis the season of the pointless BOX SETS. Hurry, hurry, Christmas is ONLY 4 months away!

Zinfart has a download of a bunch of Rolling Stones garbage. Christ, IF I'M BEING HONEST, it's pretty rare when I bother with even their Greatest Hits, much less their fazed cookies. I'm supposed to be excited about their white-boys-as-niggers garbage? "Lost demo" recordings lost for a very good reason? I'm supposed to also be listening keenly to a bunch of old live performances? Live, they were ok SEEN. It was a kick to see Jagger acting like a flopping fish out of water, trying to get air through his gills and his enormous fish lips. It was mildly amusing to see other band members being stoic. But hearing their live stuff? Not so much.

Still, you can understand why a record label would want to exploit "The world's greatest rock band" with yet another box set. That's what you do with big popular groups that tossed out a lot of quantity. It's been done often enough for the fucking Grateful Dead, too.

BUT...there's also one on...

Pink Floyd? A box set of their demo garbage and their live shows? 90% of this is worthless to the average person, and even to die-hard Floyd fans aren't that thrilled.

News of this came out months ago, mostly to groans.

Now that this turd-load is closer to being in stores, Rolling Stone is hipping everyone to it. Pssst, Jann...you're a real homo, but did you HAVE to use such a HOMO picture of the band??

A more forlorn bunch of faggots you'll never see.

Tinkerbells on downers.

Were they going through some kind of cocksucking phase?

Maybe they did, but didn't put it in a song lyric like Ray Davies: "Hey are you gay can you come out and play and like a fool I went and said ok."

Yes, the Stones looked a bit silly on that "Satanic" cover, trying to one-up The Beatles in their silly satin marching band uniforms. Yes, Boko Harum looked ridiculous in cloaks and Chinaman pajamas. But sitting around acting like they're picking out pink chiffon for their prom dresses?

HOW EMBARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRASSING.

Why bring this up? Boxing up a load of Pink turds and coagulated prog-crock is bad enough, but PHOTOS? Is that necessary?

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I was fucked up enough to actually like "Atom Fart Monster" back in the day. But it was the ONLY one of their albums I had, and I was mystified by why anyone cared about something as boring as "Fart Side of the Moon." It didn't even have animal sound effects in it. (PS, I think I liked only ONE track).

The "Atom Fart Monster" cover was of Adele (a cow) and not them, so I really didn't know what the hell they looked like. (Didn't almost all progrock bands look the same, with the helmet hair and the droopy mustaches and the glazed eyes and effeminate pouts?)

Yeah, I can recognize Roger because he's so fucking ugly. He's on the far right, looking like a retarded American Indian. He looks like he sat on his hash pipe and his ass went numb.

I'm assuming the guy on the top, with the massive vaginal pout-mouth, is David Glamour. The two wan morons with the absurd mustaches...I don't know. One of them, cloaked to the neck in the pink cloth, looks like he's waiting for a barber to give him a trim. The other one, with the lazy eyes, seems to be sorrowfully wondering if being gay is worth the sour taste in the mouth and having to walk with a stinging pain in the anus.

Rolling Groan makes mention that Stink Floyd (or is this just Roger Waters at the controls) will "continue" their relentless re-issues of vinyl. To which we could ask...WHY?

But we know the answer. Hipster Millennials are being tricked into thinking vinyl is KEWL. The new issue of Rolling Stone, in fact, points out that great turntables can be had for $600 to $1200. Right, and re-issues on pure vinyl are only 10 times the price of the original releases, many of which you can find dirt cheap and either sealed or virtually like new for a fiverrrr.

But I digress. The point here is to show some disgust for the release of a box set from a group that doesn't deserve to be archived this way.

Stink Floyd has been a pretentious bunch of bozos for over 40 years. They are among the most boring of the progrock acts, relying on droningly long songs and massive amounts of drugs. Of the major (and even minor, like Emerson Lake and Palmer or Van Der Graaf) proggers, they probably have the least interesting or quotable lyrics and the most unidentifiable and bland singers. The Moody Blues are more readily identifiable. So is Boko Harum. Curved Air and Genesis were more ambitious, and were more likely to have their bug-eyed fans blinking at lyric sheets.

Just as The Who started with a few short songs that weren't bad ("I Can See for Miles" and "Pictures of Lily") the Pinks, when Syd was with them, offered material that was on par with that group, The Kinks, or some of the others. Without him, they began to drone just as ridiculously as The Who doing a two-album set of quadro-god-awfulness, or George and his pals pouring out a full side of Apple Jam.

Knickerless, how about a chorus of "Fuck Off Pink Floyd?"

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