Three and a Half BOKO Fans Await the News!

(BRISTOL)

Three and a half BOKO fans have camped out in front of Roland the Pinhead's home, which is located in the sewer system of Bristol.

At great peril, they made their way taking a bus to a train to a train to a wheelchair to a pogo stick to a rickshaw to the stout back of Geoff Whitehore.

Along the way one of the party was decapitated.

"Shine on!" one of them laughed, "He is now a departed friend. We'll ask The Commander to sing "Salty Dog" in his honor. He happened to stumble just as Geoff farted. His head got blown off."

What brought them to Bristol?

"I'm a clueless alcoholic," said one.

Another butted in: "I'm devastatingly handsome. Like my receding hairline? Ask me about my LOVELY wife. I can't stop bragging that I am no longer a virgin!"

The fat one on the end said, "I'm the fat one on the end. I've had the same hairstyle since I was six years old. My barber always gives me a lollipop. Can anyone tell me what "Whiter Shade" is all about? What's a fandango?"

Near him there was an audible noise: "Mmmmmfffff." It may have come from the guy without the head. Did the other three know what "Mmmmmffff" meant?

The alcoholic said, "Our friend may have been referring to an ex-member of the band."

"If he was," the fat one shouted, "We'll kill him. We'll let him live without a head. People do that all the time. Grease Kook, Boko's manager has no head. But NOBODY says Mmmmmmfff and gets away with it! Any questions?"

Yes: WHAT made them come to Bristol???

"We subscribe to the newsletter that Roland compulsively issues. He also has his abdominal ulcer every fortnight, bellowing out moans about Boko. He teases us with Twatter, twits on Farcebook, and sometimes pisses in the sand in Sanskrit. It's all to let us know that he's got Barry Gooker's ear and we don't. Actually, he has Barry's stained knickers and a large boil that was bitten off Gooker's neck by Chris Copping.

"No no," the alcoholic said, "It was copped of his neck by Chris Biting. I'm pretty sure. Roland is writing a 90 page monograph about the incident, and promises that someone will win a copy if all answers are correct in this year's Christmas Conundrum!"

"Huzzah! Huzzah! We are mere puppets, waiting for Roland to pull our strings and make us jump HERE and HERE and HERE. Oooh, we are waiting while Roland smirks and tells is big news is coming, and HE knows it and WE don't!"

But WHY are you hanging around in Bristol?

"We read that Roland has IMPORTANT NEWS, but will only tell the first three people who jump over a hoop, climb a hedge, bounce atop a trash bin, and flip backwards onto his front door, which we must piss on and blacken before he opens it."

"Yes, then he'll tell us IMPORTANT NEWS! We love it when he leaves us in suspense like this! The first three people...huzzah, it's a good thing one of us got decapitated! Now it's just three merry Bokoholics!"

"Mffffff."

"SHUT UP!"

Amazing as it seems, there are at least three people who think nothing is more important than what a 70-something geezer does with his back-up band of has-beens.

"Without spindly, grub-faced Roland, we would be lost," said the alcoholic, blinking his button eyes, shivering his punch-puppet nose and chin, and doing a wild and crazy cakewalk. "If we were lost, we'd have no place to go, and wouldn't be HERE, HERE or HERE!"

And so they wait, making faces, shouting 'Shine On' to each other, getting pissed on beer, getting pissed on by each other, jerking each other off, and arguing over how to pronounce that previous Boko drummer's name.

We leave them to their bickering....

"It's Bizzicki."

"No, it's Berserky."

"No, no, Geoff once told me it was Brassiere."

"No, Geoff was WEARING a brassiere. I'm pretty sure it's Bazooka."

"Here, it's WILSON!"

"Shut up, how dare you talk when you don't have a head anymore! Please, shut up! Let's wait till Roland comes. He's our Lord and Savior. He knows it all. He knows big words!"

"WILSON is not a big word!"

"Please, shut up! You have no head!"

"Yes I do. It's just not on my neck anymore."

"Stop pretending to be a fucking Python groupie when you're a Boko groupie, it's NOT appreciated."

"Yes it is."

"NO IT ISN'T! I don't want to argue about this!"

"Excuse me, you three. Any of you nice gents know where the nearest boot sale is? I overheard you mentioning a rock group that released so many singles that did not chart. Tell me more! You men are awfully cute..."