America gets a Ken BONE Up its Ass

For those out of town, the latest FAD sweeping America is...a fat, nerdy, pompous, egomaniacal, ugly sweater-wearing proudly stupid porn-loving racist shit pile named KEN BONE.

Where did this jerk come from? From sitting his oversized ass in the front row at the second Trump-Clinton debate. That's all he had to do. 



"OOOH, look! Look at that fat guy! Har har! Isn't he CUUUUUTE. He's a real symbol of America, isn't he? He's the AVERAGE AMERICAN all right. He's full of cheeseburgers. He's proudly stupid. He calls attention to his girth with a BRIGHT RED SWEATER!!!" 

Notice how he's the only one making sure he's posing for his MOMENT OF FAME. 

He got into the front row because he's STUPID. All those people are STUPID. The second debate audience was composed ENTIRELY of...get this..."Undecided Voters." See, the idea was for "Undecided Voters" to ask questions of the candidates. Because, God knows, there's SO much similarity between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, between a right-wing Republican and a left-wing Democrat, that they still need to MAKE UP THEIR MINDS.

What was the big take-away after the debate? "Did you see that BIG FAT GUY IN THE RED SWEATER? Har har! WHO is he? His name is...oh, you're kidding...KEN BONE! HAR HAR!" 

In this Kardashian world, that's all it took for this jerk to suddenly have t-shirts with his face on them, and corporations racing to get him to sign an endorsement deal. Aw, a few people resented that cuddly, stupid KEN BONE sold out:





Does this guy look like anything but a Nazi? A slob proud of being obese? A pompous swell-headed arrogant dirtbag? He's the guy on the bus who tells you, "I'll take TWO seats if I want to." He's the neighbor who says, "If I feel like walking around naked in my apartment with the shades up, it's my right." He's the guy in the supermarket who takes 20 items onto the "10 Items or Less" line and says, "Good, you know how to count. Why are you in the supermarket and not teaching math? Go call the manager. I'll be done by the time you get back anyway." 

The Nazis of UBER saw this fat ugly bastard as the PERFECT pitchman:  he looks like the average American self-entitled shit bag. He waddles. He's so fat he has to drive everywhere. UBER is a Nazi company that became popular with white supremicist Yuppies who don't like to hail cabs driven by NIGGERS or SPICS or WOGS from Pakistan and India. So Ken Bone is the perfect symbol of that. He is a racist. He thinks Trayvon Martin deserved to die. He is a symbol of fat white guys who would rather dial up UBER on their cellphones than hail a cab in the city or dial an ordinary car service in a small town. UBER UBER ALLES. . 

While UBER was crowing about their new pitchman, KEN BONE was blasting away on his Twitter account. He was loving his new-found fame and how his first-row pomposity paid off. He was posting selfies, being opinionated, telling the world what he likes, and turning into a media whore egomaniac.

And that's when the REAL world began looking into MR. BONE's online activity, and discovering the SKELETONS in his closet.

It turns out, this fat Mommy's Basement asshole liked to sit on his enormous ass and download porn, and talk about it on Reddit. He laughed about how "wrong" it was to download Jennifer Lawrence's hacked/stolen photos, but, har har, "I saw her anus, and I liked it!!!!!" He talked about how he dug pregnant-woman porno, too. 

Then, since this IS the Internet, he couldn't help telling the world how he figured Trayvon Martin deserved to be shot. Sorry, but that's how it is. And on and on he blabbed and blabbed. 

In other words, this guy IS your typical American: crude, crass, selfish, obese, egomaniacal, insensitive and jerking off five times a day to anything vile. 

Which is ok if you keep it to yourself and your Reddit pals and your private forums. But THIS putz was elevated into overnight celebrity. And why? For NO fucking reason. Take a look at that top picture. Does he look like somebody to smile about and turn into the next "break the Internet" superstar? How sick that he was instantly adopted as the next big thing to get excited about. Never mind the two candidates, get a load of THAT guy in the front row! 

Haven't we had ENOUGH of elevating utter morons into SUPERSTARS because they cried on GooTube ("Leave Britney Alone") or made a sex tape, or happen to be obese or stupid, or both? 

Are we really so ridiculous that every other day the BIG news is Kardashian AGAIN, or Kanye AGAIN or what Lohan did, or that some androgyne is wearing make-up on his face and posting Instagram pictures, or some fat slob sat in the front row at a debate and became MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING SAID BY THE TWO CANDIDATES?

Oh this amazing 21st Century. Let's deny global warming, grow used to religious fanatics gunning down dozens of people at a time, and cheer every nob and nobody who happens to be lurid, absurd, or tickle our funny BONE by being totally unfunny. 

The good news is that this jerk will disappear as quickly as he arrived, but the BAD news is that tomorrow there will be probably be an egomaniacal dimwit replacement even WORSE.