Hoobastank is Going to REALLY STINK in TWO WEEKS!!

Bill is drooling and pissing and shitting and GRINNING!  
HE HAS EXACTLY TWO WEEKS.... 



Says Bill, "Woo Hoo! It's TIME for the MEMORABILIA SHOW! I usually smell bad, but in two weeks I WILL REALLY BE STINKING! I'LL BE SHITTING MY NAPPIES ALMOST CONSTANTLY!! 

"I'm gonna be able to put down my sweaty paper money and snuggle next to all kinds of FAMOUS FAMOUS FAMOUS STARS who will sign PHOTOS for me! If they can stand my stench, I'll get a PHOTO OP too, and post them to Farcebook! I'll add them to my public "Photo Barfbag" account, which is already bulging with over 10,000 snapshots!!"  

Yes, this IS the time of year when overgrown nerds quiver and sweat and beg Mom for enough money to take a bus to the train to the event, and get signed pix of such legends as Tonya Pinkens and Howard Sherman. 

Who is the headliner this year? MR. ROCKY HORROR himself. By flying out from California, he's proving to the world that he is not totally debilitated by that stroke a few years ago. He CAN pose while in a wheelchair. 

He also CAN sign his name on a photo, but it does take effort, so he will NOT be doing that at the show, he'll simply have somebody take the money and hand out autographed photos for $50 or $100 or whatever the price will be. NO PERSONALIZATIONS! 

Meatloaf is ALSO going to be at the show, so you can be sure there will be frantic Dweebs wanting to be sure to get photos of themselves with BOTH Meatloaf and Tim Curry. What 50-something or 60-something has gotten over "Rocky Horror" yet??

You can be sure some of these "Rocky" fans will be pestering Curry's handlers: "Come on, I'll give you an extra $50, make it $100. Get Tim to sign THIS poster that Meatloaf already signed! Honest, I want it for MY WALL IN MY BEDROOM, I won't sell it on eBay. He ain't a total cripple, he can sign ONE autograph just for MEEEE. Please! Come on! Please! I said PLEASE, You FUCK!" 



New Jersey does smell. Really,  you can drive through some areas and it reeks of sewage. Or maybe it reeks of  notoriously obese and corrupt Governor Krispy-Kreme Chris Christie. Losers who can't make it in New York or Philadelphia end up in NEW JERSEY, working as toilet installers, librarians, school teachers or in supermarkets and shopping malls. Some classy immigrants own fast food joints, and fry up oily chicken while their children try to blow up white people in NYC. 

Says Bill, "I've lived in New Jersey all my 60+ years of being a virgin fat fanboy nerd. Where else could I be in order to collect so many photos, and to visit the cemeteries of famous people who are buried in Woodlawn Cemetery in New York and other New York graveyards?? Thanks to living low-rent in New Jersey, I could buy autographed photos on EVERYONE who will be showing up..."   

Note to those from Out of Town:

If you don't recognize many names, and don't recognize many faces, it's not because you're not familiar with American TV or movies. It's because you're not a fucking loser. 

This IS a pretty forlorn collection of has-beens and never-was idiots. Only a really low-IQ and low-self-esteem fat-headed MORON would be impressed meeting 9 out of 10 on this list, much less PAYING for a photo or a chance to stand next to one of these nobodies. 

Most of them are NOT known to the average NORMAL PERSON because they had very minor roles in bad horror films or shitty sitcoms. Notice how almost all of them need their credits alongside their faces so that anyone would remember them AT ALL.  

The number of attendees that you could say WERE stars at one time is slim (I'd say Kristy, Jon and maybe MacKenzie). LEGIT stars? Tim and Meatloaf. Well known and thereby a star? Dawn. Genre-famous? Natasha and maybe Lisa Marie. THAT'S IT, a small percentage of the fleas and foraging rodents and roaches showing up to. You have to be quite an idiot to recognize AND want to PAY to get a signed photo for Marsha or Eddie or some of the other ridiculous people showing up. 

IF I'M BEING HONEST, if I bothered to get a free pass and go, I could count on ONE HAND the people I'd actually want to talk to. (I've had dealings with 3 of them, so it would just be nostalgia in saying hello again). There's NOBODY I'd pay for an autographed photo. But Bill? He's already figuring on spending HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.

"Gosh, I can hardly wait, I can hardly control my bladder and bowels, I...I...I've got to change my nappies again...."